At least they did until the ex brought up the topic. He was prompted by a desire to submit his own taxes, which he proudly told me would bring about the issuance of a quite pleasant refund. I’ll try to do them this weekend I promised, then scurried off to address other brightly burning fires. He questioned me again before he left for the night. “You’ll take care of your taxes this weekend, right?” I assured him that I would do everything in my power to pull off that miracle. “Good,” he said, “because I really want to see if you can afford to let me use one of the kids as an exemption on my taxes again this year.”

I think I’ll be able to, I told him, but I won’t know for sure until I see all the numbers in one place. With a final admonition to hurry up, please, he left. And by god I did do the taxes that weekend, keeping watch over a sick boy as he coughed and flailed upon the couch from 10pm until midnight, at which time I sent an email to the ex with details of the tax situation, phoned him to request his help in watching the other children, then took the boy to the emergency room; and I can assure you that the emergency room on a weekend at midnight is not nearly as much fun as it sounds.

We arrived home near three am, at which point I sent the child (much improved after medicine and a breathing treatment) to bed and thanked the ex most profusely for curtailing his alone-time activities to bail us out. I gave the time-honored hint of walking toward the door to hurry him on his way but he didn’t take the bait. “I read your email,” he told me, “and we really need to discuss this tax situation.”

Three am isn’t a good time, I pointed out. Can we talk later, when everyone has had some sleep? But he seemed unwilling. He planted himself at the kitchen counter and laid out an argument explaining why it was brutishly unfair of me to keep all the children as tax exemptions when he so abundantly deserved the extra money the exemption would bring into his life.

How much money that exemption would take from my life apparently did not cross his mind.

Later that weekend I sat down with pencil, paper and calculator. Ten minutes of math revealed that after child support, taxes, health insurance and other deductions, the ex brings home a sum of money that is approximately $400 less than my net monthly income. It’s $400 less, but it supports a single human being, where as my net monthly income feeds, clothes and shelters four.

I feel entirely justified in keeping the exemption, especially since the ex spent the next day dealing with the delivery of his 46″ television set. But perhaps I’m missing some crucial fact here that would reveal why I should allow him to claim one child on his taxes?

Maybe you could help me discover it?

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This post, Taxed, originally appeared on aag on Tuesday, February 9, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader or email, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email aagblog at gmail dot com and let me know.
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I have a fabulous, wonderful lover with whom I have been exploring new delights as well as being confronted by some faulty programming. Not to be too blunt but I’m having trouble with anal sex.

I never tried anal before but it’s great with this man. However, I’m really bothered by the sensation of the outward stroke because it feels so similar to … well, umm… pooping. I’m terrified that I’m going to be messy all over him! So far, knock wood, it’s been relatively clean. I try to be aware and err on the far side of caution but I also think that has limited my enjoyment and caused missed opportunities. I am extremely bathroom shy and feel really awkward about this. Will this sensation-confusion lessen with time?

I’ve been sexually active for over 20 years and have had many, many orgasms but with this guy? It’s awesome, and I want so badly to be comfortable in reality with all these things that I’m comfortable with in theory. Do you have any advice?

I’m not sure I’d call it faulty programming, Beatrix. I’d be more inclined to call it Tremendously Helpful Conditioning.

Nearly every time since you were two years old that your body has noted the combination of ass-ular fullness plus outward movement, it has sent along a signal to your brain that you should get to the bathroom right now. And nearly every time you’ve immediately trotted your fanny off to the toilet to take care of business in privacy, only returning when all traces of the …er…event were completely eradicated.

You’ve been perfecting this response for nearly your entire life because it’s expected by everyone from the person who toilet-trained you to the guy sitting next to you on the bus that you’ll get it right every single time. Chances are that you’ve grown pretty darn good at it, as the rewards for being good at it (and the corresponding punishments for being bad at it) are high.

When you have buttsex you’re asking your body to ignore nearly 40 years of conditioning. It’s going to take some time to unhook the connection in your mind between that feeling and needing to go right now. The good news is that eventually your ass will learn that the sensation of ass-ular fullness + outward movement does not necessarily mean only one thing. It will learn that it can in fact mean two things, and the longer you have buttsex without the arrival of a poo-pocalypse the easier it will be for your brain to distinguish the two.

Nevertheless, you go rooting around up there long enough and odds are good that something will eventually break free. For this reason it behooves you to speak up to your partner. “Lover,” you should say, sporting a big smile and as much playful chutzpah as you can muster, “I so enjoy anal sex with you. But I’m always worried that I’m going to crap all over your dick.” Or, if you’re feeling slightly less playful and chutzpahish you could substitute “make a mess” for the final five words above.

Either would work, because they both give him the chance to tell you that no good relationship ever fell apart over poo and that he would adore you just as much after the poo-pocalypse as before.

Readers, I feel quite certain that some of you have experienced worries similar to Beatrix’s. Will you contribute additional advice in the comments below?

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This post, Question from a Reader: Anal Sex and Worry, originally appeared on aag on Monday, February 8, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader or email, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email aagblog at gmail dot com and let me know.
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My boss, the inimitable Jane from Jane’s Guide, recently began tweeting. If you’d like a closer look at the ins and outs of running a porn-review website you really should follow her.

Welcome to Twitter, Jane. Have a cookie.

–(Jane’s Guide on Twitter)

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This post, Jane, have a cookie, originally appeared on aag on Sunday, February 7, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader or email, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email aagblog at gmail dot com and let me know.
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When you insult or offend someone, always admit it and apologize promptly, even if it wasn’t your intention or you had no idea. It is always better to be a penitent villain than to appear so socially inept as to not recognize when you’ve hurt the people around you. An evil genius is someone to bring to your side, a blundering fool is someone to keep as far away from you as possible.

via Sans Jupe

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This post, A Penitent Villain, originally appeared on aag on Saturday, February 6, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader or email, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email aagblog at gmail dot com and let me know.
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This post, Please Forgive Me, originally appeared on aag on Friday, February 5, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader or email, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email aagblog at gmail dot com and let me know.
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Amazing artwork

You’ve just flipped the January  page on your 2010 Sex Blogger Calendar, whispered a fond farewell to the lovely Mia Martina, and greeted the awesome Abiola Abrahms, who graces February’s page, and here I am about to talk to you about 2011.  If it seems early to you, you’re not alone; it seems early to me too.  But 2011 is going to be a bigger and better year, hopefully for all of us, and certainly for this amazing project that started as a whim, a fun project with friends that would benefit our sex positive community, one balmy summer night.

Many of you, after seeing our fabulous calendar or coming to our kick-ass launch party, expressed an interest in being a model.  We heard you and we want to give you the opportunity to be even more involved.  So for 2011, we’re going NATIONAL!  Yes, you heard it right, the NYC SexBlogger Calendar wants to be even more inclusive in 2011.  We want any sex positive blogger/internet personality - male, female, gay, straight, queer, trans, any race, any orientation, any size - who writes/podcasts/video blogs about sex or sexuality to feel free to submit a photo.  While our 2010 models are free to submit a photo, we’d like nothing better than to get thirteen brand new faces and their accompanying hot bods. I’ll get into those details in a moment, but that’s not the only change we’ve made.

For the last two years, the calendar proceeds have gone to Sex Work Awareness and allowed them to fund Speak Up!, a one day seminar in 2009 that expanded to a weekend in 2010.  We are so proud to have provided the funding for those events.  Megan Andelloux, in her fight with the town of Pawtucket, RI to open her adult sex education facility, The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, used the training she received last year which helped her win battle and CSPH is now open for business. This year, we’re thrilled to announce that the funds raised by the calendar will go to Woodhull Freedom Foundation. Woodhull Freedom Foundation Affirms SexualFreedom as a Fundamental Human Right!

We’ve known of and been supportive of WFF but when we met and talked with the board members and advisory committee of WFF at their fundraiser, a diverse group including the fabulous Carol Queen, we were really impressed with them, their professionalism and their goals.  WFF has a broader focus than SWA and we want our little calendar to benefit all kinds of sexual freedom.  In changing core attitudes, defining sexual freedom as a basic human right, sex workers too will reap benefits.

Now, how do you submit a photo and what is expected if we pick you to be in the 2011 calendar?

First, you email us one or more professional quality photo that represents what sexual freedom means to you or how you express your sexual freedom.  The photo is to be 12 x 12 (this is SQUARE, people, be sure to let the photographer know this in advance of shooting, most photos are rectangular, so the photographer has to look with a different eye in order to shoot for square artwork).   The format will be CMYK, 12 x 12 full bleed, 300 DPIx 12 full bleed image. If you’d like to discuss concepts before working with a photographer, please email me at Tess@tiedupevents.com

Along with your photo, please send a short bio and a short (or long, if you’re feeling particularly verbose on the topic) post talking about how your photo represents your sexual freedom.  We would like all entrants to be able to attend our launch party on November 5, 201o in NYC, this is one reason we’re giving you all so much notice, so that plans can be hatched and funds reserved.  You’ll be required to post a button on your site that links to the calendar blog and once chosen, we’ll provide a special button for models.

Because we want to also support our economy as well as our fundamental right to sexual freedom, despite our difficulties last year, we are committed to printing the calendar in the US of A, we’re not sure how much nudity we can get away with.  If you feel like baring it all, we’re right there with you but we also need to be realistic about what we can get printed, so please give us some softer options.  Last year, the mere sight of nipples in two photos caused a printer, even in this economy, to turn down the job.

Please include in your email any suggestions you have for promoting the calendar and WFF on your site -contests, etc. Working with us in promoting the calendar is an important component of being a part of this project.

Submissions must be received by May 1, 2010.

More details will follow and we’ll post the Photo Submission Guidelines on a separate page so you can review them easily.

In the meantime, if you’d be so kind as to repost this far and wide, from sea to shining sea, we’d be most appreciative.  Let’s get everyone who believes that sexual freedom is a fundamental human right talking and participating in this project and sharing in the fun with us.

–originally posted at Going National in 2011!. Please share!

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This post, 2011 Sex Blogger Calendar, originally appeared on aag on Thursday, February 4, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader or email, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email aagblog at gmail dot com and let me know.
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Hm. Wonder who that crazy blogger chick was?

***Whoops, link was broken! Now it’s fixed! Thanks, alert readers!***

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This post, Wednesday, Four Years Ago, originally appeared on aag on Thursday, February 4, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader or email, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email aagblog at gmail dot com and let me know.
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This post, Empowered and beautiful and strong, originally appeared on aag on Wednesday, February 3, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader or email, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email aagblog at gmail dot com and let me know.
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I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one’s burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night-filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus

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This post, Sisyphus is happy, originally appeared on aag on Wednesday, February 3, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader or email, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email aagblog at gmail dot com and let me know.
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Me: Work work work work work work work work work work work work.

Me: I have nothing written for tomorrow.

Me: I suck.

Him: No you don’t. Well, only in the best of ways.

Him: That should be your new tagline.

Me: What, “I suck”?

Him: “Sucks only in the best of ways.”

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This post, Sux, originally appeared on aag on Wednesday, February 3, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader or email, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email aagblog at gmail dot com and let me know.
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