Not long ago I removed the largely ineffective message on my dating site profile which said that I was seeing someone and no longer in search of new partners. I replaced it with this: Vagina dentata owner anxious for one night of delicious pleasure. Big, meaty specimens only. Come feed my ravenous appetite.
I know this makes me A Very Bad Person! I know it! And yet after all this time I am tired, tired and disgusted and just done of fending off repeated attempts to get in my pants when I’ve very specifically said that I’m not interested. You might think the threat of a fang-bearing cunt would be enough to warn off the fools. Alas it is not. Here is but a sampling of the even more torrential flood of email — it’s been at least a ten-fold increase — my new profile has invited:
I would love to come. Over and feed your needs for a night of pleasures. Tonight.
I am in town Sunday night and would love to fill your hungry pussy!
Can it really be true, teeth inside your vagina? I would love to do some exploring and see, see for myself!
I’d love to meet ya sometime and feed that appetite. I have no idea what dentata is, but I bet google does lol. I attached a few pics. Hope to hear back from ya soon.
And this gem:
its xciting and refreshing to see a woman that knows what she wants and states. so I just wished now we could get together and you would allow me to take care of that ravenous appetite with this cock that needs a vagina wrapped around it…thanks for stirring my loins with your words wink.
Do you know what is a vagina dentata? I asked, to which he responded “ya I know but I was hopin it wouldnt really bite me just was hopin she would pull back the fangs and invite me in wink”.
And then he blocked me. I don’t blame him. I would have blocked me too.
And finally:
Do you really have choppers in your coochie? Has this had a negative effect in your search for copious non-committal connubial relations?
My answer: Metaphorically, to both your questions, yes.
I was very much afraid when I saw your original entry on this that you might actually go ahead and do it. “Don’t do it!” I wanted to scream. “You’ll only make things worse!” Alas, I chose not to chime in, hoping that perhaps I was wrong. I see that, sadly, I was not.
– PB
Sigh. One day I’ll learn.
Of course the next thing to occur to me as a mode of defense is to post a pic of a lady with severe meth-face. No one would reply to someone with a picture like that, right?
Don’t be so sure about that.
*le sigh*
I’m guessing the only words that really got through were,”one night of delicious pleasure. Big, meaty specimens only. Come feed my ravenous appetite.” If you really want to discourage contact, you might try setting impossibly high standards such as,” Must be rich, willing to splurge on me and my children, have a 12 inch penis, prehensile tongue like a giraffe, blond hair, dark eyes, with a mansion and a yacht, fluent in several languages, PHD… etc.”
How about this: “Dying to give my five children a new sibling. Come (or cum) be my next babydaddy!”
You’d get takers.
Un-effing believable.
Must own yacht and beach homes on both coasts would cut down your responses. The meth face wont work. There is a rehab place on the same block as my place of work and I see guys going for those twitchy freaks all the time.
Sorry, AAG, but I have no sympathy for this one. I’ve read your blog for years and rarely disagree with you, but on this one I’m left shaking my head.
If you’re truly not interested in another relationship, if you’re done looking, if you feel that the person you’re seeing is the One (or at least the One for now), if you’re truly “no longer in search of new partners”, why are you keeping up with the memberships on these sites? I have been a member of many “dating” sites and all of them allow you to suspend or hide your membership. Even if you happen to belong to a rare one that doesn’t have that feature, there’s nothing to stop you from copying your profile info for later use if you feel you’ll need it, and deleting that particular profile for now.
The fact that you keep these profiles active, that you are so concerned with the responses you’re getting, that you’re obsessed with responding to people who ignore your “not interested (subtext: maybe possibly for now)”, shows that you ARE interested in getting responses.
If I were your partner and found that you were not only keeping up profiles on these sites, but were so interested, nay obsessed, with the responses you got to the point that you had to replace a “not looking” notice with a baiting comment, I would be pissed off.
You say: “And yet after all this time I am tired, tired and disgusted and just done of fending off repeated attempts to get in my pants when I’ve very specifically said that I’m not interested.”
If you’re so VERY SPECIFICALLY NOT INTERESTED .. .then why do you fucking care so much and why are you still on the sites, reading responses, editing your profile, and blogging about it?
Hmmmm?
Food for thought.
I understand where you’re coming from. I maintain the single profile on one site because I still participate in the discussion forum that I’ve been a member of since it started…4.5 years ago. Without a visible profile I don’t think I can continue doing that. I guess I could block all emails, but I still do get emails there from friends and from people who have questions about joining that particular forum.
And the partner does know about the profile and my participation in the forum.
Bwa! You actually put it up! Oh man, like moths to the flame. I at least like the last one, though.
The fact is, as long as you have a profile, no matter what it says, you will probably get emails. There will always be those who don’t care, there will always be those who think they are an exception to the rule, etc. On the bright side, you can at least entertain others with your tales.
I’ve not quite reached the head-shaking position that amanda has taken, but each time I read about your dating site woes, I do wonder why you just don’t hide the profile?!?!?!?
See above…