It astounds me to think how very little I take care of myself in comparison to the care I take for the other people in my life; also, how bleeding hard it is to change this habit. Things were better, I think, in the hazy mists of time before my first child was born. Not that I can really remember! Twelve-years-before-three-children was so long ago! But then I did, I think, manage to practice the sort of care that resulted in the bare minimums of adequate nutrition and kind (mostly kind) self-referential thoughts.
But as a mother I have utterly failed at these tasks. I have cooked balanced meals for them while subsisting on cold clotted bites of tortellini shoved in over the sink. I have gone broke buying pyramids of bright produce that never pass my lips. And I have corrected the merest whisper of a hint of my offspring using the pejorative “stupid” while at the same moment — the exact same moment! — screaming it silently to myself.
This summer I’ve felt more stable than I have in years; the combination of right1 medication, plenty of sun and distance from difficult relationships has given me time to think. How could you not? How could you float five times a week in a peaceful pool with sun pouring down and your children safe and not think healing thoughts? I’m more grateful than I can say that I live in a town with such a body of water mere blocks away and the resources to scrape together the cash for a family pass. I am profoundly grateful.
At the same time I made a site that features vegan and vegetarian food found in Montreal. Looking at the images made me so dizzy with desire that I went on a quest to figure out ways to trick myself into putting more nutritious foods into my piehole; eventually (via paths too perilous and convoluted to retrace) I ran across a recipe for a smoothie made from spinach.
I resolved to try it. Pretty sure my thought-process was as such: That is revolting2. We’ll try it once and it will be so vile we’ll never have to eat a vegetable again. Oo-rah. With a wink and a nod I gathered the ingredients: dauntingly large bag of spinach, ice, milk and bananas. Carefully I layered them into the blender while my eldest watched, aghast. “You’re going to drink that?” she asked. I nodded. “And it’s a smoothie?” I nodded again. “But it’s green.”
Do you want to try it? I asked, but she shook her head in horror. The little ones wandered in just then; they sipped and were delighted until they were informed of its contents. And then I took a swallow, and it is no exaggeration to say that I went weak in the knees. My body said yessssss in a way that was nearly orgiastic. I drained the glass and immediately wanted more, which makes me wonder how very badly I needed whatever mojo that smoothie held.
I drank three that day; the next I had two in my system when it came time for a date. Hours of energetic sex later I headed home, starving half to death. In the past I would have stopped for tacos or a burger but all I could think of then was green, thick and green and more green. I am appalled that I have taken so little care of myself that drinking ground-up leaves makes me almost die of joy. I am just appalled. But if it’s what my body needs, I will provide.
Does a Green Monster taste like spinach? Is it like salad, pulverized? No. A thousand times no. Banana, my friends, covers a multitude of tastes, and spinach itself is really quite mild. As I’ve experimented I’ve added other things as well, most notably a fat dollop of almond butter. Oh my god. Almond butter.
I am determined not to let the peace of this summer slip away. My children are all of them in school full-time now, and by Science this must let me have the chance to do some hard-core self-care. Daily jaunts to the pool are coming to an end but I still have a porch. I can still sit on it and absorb the sun3. My picture-taking project has continued apace; inspired by the lovely photography on Vegan Montreal and other food-tastic sites I have resolved to add to it images of the foods I prepare for myself. I know! How almost tragically cliché! But committing — even for a short time — to memorializing what I put in my mouth forces me to take more care. If you put it in a picture, it probably won’t be the last three cold tortellini scraped from the bottom of the pot. Is all I’m sayin’.
This is what motherhood has done to me, and it is both a miracle and a burden: It has forced me to re-parent myself. It has made me question every day my assumptions and then make corrections. It is terribly difficult and at the same time revelatory. I don’t know how I’m doing it, and yet I keep on doing it.
So — who’s going to try a Green Monster with me tomorrow morning?
I want to try a spinach shake. I love me some spinach. If you wouldn’t mind passing along the recipe, I’ll see if Nicole might be interested as well in helping out. :)
You can put anything you like in one, but I’ve been following the topmost recipe here the most closely: http://greenmonstermovement.com/?cat=3
I will drink your spinach smoothie and raise you blue-green algae and frozen blueberries :)
Fantastic AAG. Proper nutrition is, for me, the key to my mental health. No matter else I take or do, if I’m not eating the way I know I need to I just can’t function properly. (it’s food in combination with other factors, not food alone – other methods are very important too) It was pretty humbling to learn that at the time, but not – spinach all the way! I’m always excited to see other people feeding their body and discover it’s ravenous wants for healthy food.
Not that I don’t stop for tacos, mind you. Everything in moderation!
Blue-green algae. Huh. :)
Thank you for the encouragement!
Wow. Thanks for suffering through my typos there! Whoops. Good thing I write for a living, huh?
Blue-green algae is the most assimilable energy source known to man. It’s like eating the sun! (In a photosynthesis way, not a deadly-spicy hot sauce way). Plus, if you’re already ok with the color green in your glass you are halfway their.
I am excited to try the green monster recipe – sounds yummy, especially with the almond butter.
I’ll be trying this and passing the recipe along to my daughter. She’s mad about spinach!
I think, though we tend to forget it, that care-taking is a lot like love: you need to give it to yourself before your are fully able to give it to others.
When we are harried, worried, unhealthy, or tired, those things diminsh to some extent, the care we are able to give.
never mind the vegan “delicacies”…
you want some good French Canadian food, you have to try this:
(warning! contains Meat! Pork! The other white meat!)
http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,1918,159187-242194,00.html French Canadian Pork Pie
you can have spinach on the side (if you must…)
you can thank me later.
Puumba
(eating his own)
I love green smoothies! My favorite is water, rainbow chard, a banana, some frozen strawberries, and a tablespoon of this: http://www.barleans.com/omega_swirl.asp (in the orange creme flavor). Mmmm! So tasty and fresh.
I just had one of those this afternoon. I put pineapple in mine. Helps with the iron absorption.
Green smoothies are great! Once you’ve sated you body’s initial craving for spinach ones, consider branching out into other greens as well – spirulina, broccoli, alfalfa, bok choy etc.
I adore avocado smoothies too. I first had them in south east Asia, made of blended avocado, sweetened condensed milk and ice with chocolate sauce drizzled on top – sooo good…..
You could drizzle rocks with sweetened condensed milk and they would be awesome. :)
Lacinato or ‘Dino’ Kale with blueberries and that same banana. Oh so good! The bumpy kale is really sweet when young, and packs a really good punch nutritionally.
Just made me a Monster – loved it. I did the basic recipe and am soon off to buy some peaches to add and perhaps some berries as well.
Thank you for the link!