We are driving to the swimming pool.
Kid 1: My feet are older than I am.
Me, fiddling with CD player: Mmm?
Kid 2: Your feet aren’t old.
Kid 1 (K1): My feet aren’t old, but they are older than me.
Me: Wait, what?
K1: My feet are older than me.
Me: Do you mean that your feet were born first? That they came out of my stomach first?
Kid 2 (K2): I grew in my birthmom’s stomach.
Kid 3 (K3): Yeah, I grew in my birthmom’s stomach too.
K2: Your birthmom is the same as my birthmom.
K3: I know that. Why did you think I didn’t know that? My birth dad is [xxxxx], but he’s not your birthdad.
K2: I know that. We don’t know my birthdad.
[K2 and K3 bickering continues.]
Me, mentally preparing lecture about typical logistics of birth: Do you mean that your feet came out of me first?
K1: No, gross. Wait, did they?
Me: No, your head came out first.
K1: Oh ok. But my feet are still older.
Me: How so?
K1: Well, my feet grew before I was born, right?
Me: Okay?
K1: And I wasn’t really me until I was born, right?
Me: Oh, I see what you mean. I guess if you count it that way then yes, your feet are definitely older than you are.
K1: What other way is there to count it?
Me: Well, most people who are interested in logic and science say that a fetus turns into an actual baby around the point when it can live independently, outside the mother. Most pregnancies last about forty weeks, but some babies who are born early, at around twenty-two or so weeks can also live. So by your reasoning, your feet are five or six months older than you are.
K1: Well I believe in science and logic, so that’s what I believe.
Me: Yes, that’s what our family believes. But not everyone thinks that way.
K1: Why wouldn’t they believe that?
Me: Some people believe that it’s a baby from the moment the sperm and egg come together.
K1: But it doesn’t even have organs! It doesn’t have a brain, or a heart!
Me: You can see a fetus’ heartbeat by the time the woman is eight weeks pregnant. I saw yours then.
K2: Did you see mine then?
Me: No, I didn’t see yours. I didn’t know N. then. But I saw your heart beating later.
K3: Did you see mine?
Me: No, N. was living in [xxxxxx] then.
K1: But having a heartbeat doesn’t mean it’s a person.
Me: That’s what I think. But not everyone thinks that way. Those are the people who believe that every single pregnancy should go to term no matter what.
K1: But what if the mother is, like, twelve years old [She is at this moment just barely twelve years old.] Do they think that mother should have to stay pregnant?
Me: Yes.
K1: But that’s so mean!
Me: There’s a passage in the Bible that says, essentially, that God knew you before you were born; that he knit you together in your mother’s womb. That’s a big part of why anti-choice people say that no pregnancy should be ended.
K1: That’s dumb.
Me: You might think it’s dumb, but lots of people believe that.
K1: But we don’t, right?
Me: Right, we don’t.
[We flash our pool passes at the desk.]
Me: Here’s the thing though. I had tests to check on how the everything was developing when I was first pregnant. If those tests had shown that there were abnormalities, that the baby wouldn’t have survived, or that it would have had a painful, difficult life, I would not have continued the pregnancy.
K1, jockeying for first sunblock-application position: Okay?
Me: But other people in the same position would choose to have a baby like that, and love it and raise it.
K1: Okay?
Me: This is what it means to be pro-choice. Every woman gets to decide for herself.
K1: Mom, I know.
And off she ran on her twelve-year-and-six-month-old feet.
Thanks, AAG, for a lovely entry as usual. I am always amazed at how precocious (and not annoyingly so) your children are; they’ve learned valuable lessons from their mother, and would that my kids are half as well off as yours, whenever I have them!
never doubt that you are an awesome mom
I have to second David’s comment.
I love teaching moments. And I love what you are teaching your kids – no judgement, it just is what it is, a different way of thinking.
I love that you are teaching both what you (“we”) believe, and what others believe, without judgement or prejudice. As they grow up, perhaps they will lear the most important lesson of all: how to be non-judgemental.
At the same time that I want to cheer and say yes to this (because it’s a stellar example of the kind of communication that I wish happened more often about such issues) I do have to say that I am uncomfortable with the language of “what WE think and what WE believe.” It is polarizing language, and it also implies that inclusion depends on having the same beliefs. But, it’s sticky, because, well, human nature and all that. And of course- that could be her way of affirming her beliefs, which shouldn’t be denied. So. Two cents, on the floor!
“We” is usually shorthand for “your father and I”, as we are on the same page with this one. But I totally get what you’re saying.