So I logged into my favorite pervy dating site and found this, reproduced in its many-colored splendor below, in my mailbox:
I know you would be a customer if i opened a store called, build-a-lover…
…you have some of the usual things women want in a lover…but then, weeeeeeeeeeell you are definitely not the garden variety woman are you sweetness…so build-a-lover, where you can add those lil extra features you like, well i’m thinking a store like that might do pretty well…what you think….i understand sex…like…….i vote for laying on your sweet mound and using it for a pillow….mmmm feel all that womenness getting aroused and heating up…feeling tight things loosen up…you know you do make that top of yours look really nice…but i vote for, tossing it on the floor and seeing if you look even nice …later sweetness…. Smooches, [name redacted]..
To which I replied Kind sir, your message confounds me. Do you want to fuck me or dismember me? Please advise.
And then he said:
there was not a horror thought in my whole being when i wrote this…it is pure humor and a play on your profile…havent you ever heard of the store….build_a_bear…no dismemberment there…but no more explaining…go away…you are a tres weird woman!!!
and then not five minutes later:
hahahahahahah…my term for women like you is bobbleheads….your head just is like bounching around on your shoulders going duh duh duh duh
To which I replied by hitting the “block” button and sobbing gently into my pillow whilst clutching to my breast the one thing that’s getting me through the long lonely nights — which is, I guess, better than being with someone who can’t even get their metaphors straight.
Yikes. Once again proving that truth is indeed stranger than fiction.
Or, as Marvin said ‘Making it up?? Life’s bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it’.
I picture him whistling the tune ‘if I only had a brain’ from The Wizard of Oz; perhaps you should too.
So creepy that I need a shower. This guy is like a horror movie waiting to happen.
i wan fuck with 3 women os plz call me [number removed by the management]
Set your sights high, my friend. Just three women? Why not seven? Twelve?
Ahhh, dewd….:”fuck WITH” three women?? Like, what you’re doing right now??
AAG….this is why online dating sites are the equivalent of a cesspool in Hell. The only button these creeps need is the one the President has..that red button marked “Nuclear Strike”.
People like that are why the Goddess invented vibrators and dildos.
Anthony
…
…
…
I, um…
*wow*
Tres icky! There needs to be a button stronger than “block.” (“Conflagrate.”)
Howsabout an “immolate” button? :)
“Exterminate! Exterminate!”
and don’t forget “defenestrate”.
Someone should totally make a defenestration button. Totally.
Seriously, you can’t cry over this guy, unless it is just a reminder of how it is hard to find a good guy and there’s too many of these idiots out there. ? I dumped my profile on a dating site just because I couldn’t take the pervy jerks on there. Don’t get me wrong, I like perverts, if they’re the right kind :) But disrespectful idiots are just too horrible to deal with and I couldn’t stand it anymore. Of course you have to sift through the idiots if you are ever going to find a good one I guess.
(((hugs)))
What is it with men who write in phrases with those awful …….’s? When I see a message written like that I sooo have to fight the urge to delete. If I continue at all I feel obligated to request that they write properly. Then they delete me – which is fine as my profile does request educated and articulate.
“womenness”?
That’s enough to make a woman swear off men permanently. Good grief!
I would have reacted the same way as you did. Very creepy man and than to insult you for not understanding what he wanted…how rude!
Oddly, when I’m moderating blog comments and searching for my own immolate button, I sometimes picture the weird/creepy commenters “bounching” their heads and saying “duh duh duh duh…”
And for what it’s worth, I have been in a build-a-bear store, but I still failed to apprehend Mr. Bobblehead’s metaphor.
Mr. Bobblehead, ha!
Oh no, a fourteen year old who speaks ebonics for his first language has invaded your favorite site. Please remain calm. Proceed to the nearest exit and jump.