This showed up in my inbox last week and I can’t decide whether I should be amused or irritated:
I saw your blog and I wanted to reach out to you to see if this is for you. Sexual Addiction is a serious affliction that affects a countless number of people.
- Are you dependent on sex?
- Is your life negatively affected by sex?
- Do you spend too much of your time thinking about sex?
- Do you compulsively masturbate?
- Do you compulsively solicit sex from strangers?
- Do you spend all your money on internet porn?
- Do you prostitute yourself for purposes of excitement rather than money?
- Has your work been affected by sex?
- Do you spend too much of your time at strip clubs, sex parlors, or adult video arcades?
- Do you abandon commitments because of a need for anonymous sex?
- Are you at constant risk for sexually transmitted disease due to unsafe sex practices?
- Are you increasingly unable to perform sexually without other stimuli such as pornography, videos, “poppers,” drugs/alcohol, “toys,” etc.?
If you suffer from any of these afflictions, we are here to help! Sexual addiction is a “family disease”, meaning that it affects not only the addicted individual but also the entire family unit. It is also a disease that is progressive in nature, meaning that it does not get better on its own, nor does it go away over time. We are looking for individuals to participate in a revolutionary new documentary series where a noted sex therapist will guide you toward recovery. If you are over the age of 18 and live in the greater Los Angeles area contact us immediately at [redacted].
I lean toward amusement because this is just so over the top. I mean, who isn’t at least a little dependent on sex? How much of my time is “too much” to be spent thinking about sex? Does anyone really spend all their money on internet porn? And yes, my work has been affected by sex. It’s been positively affected!
But I’m annoyed because as far as I can tell this was not a mass mailing. I am the only sexblogger to have been singled out! Surely I’m not the most obviously sex-addicted sexblogger out there!
Am I?
This is a wakeup call for me to inject a little more sexy into my blog. I’m kinda hurt I didn’t get an email, cuz, not only do I fall into at least 6 of those categories, I’m positively boastful about at least 3 of them.
Clearly I’ve been boasting to all the wrong people.
It’s not like there is any agreed upon Ochsle or Richter Scale type measurement proof. If everyone were honest about it they would find themselves in that list to some degree.
Some people are in denial or have made other choices to remain within self-imposed, religious or cultural norms. Afraid of primal urges or needing constriction to feel in control or safe? It can be a serious struggle.
As for you, what do you believe-natural or addiction?
There is a HUGE difference between a healthy sexual appetite and a sex addiction. Unfortunately, most people think they know whats what when they truly don’t, and therefore have no clue what they are looking for, they just slap on labels thinking they know all.
I think it is because you have also written about your whole life including therapy and family. Odd because if they had actually read what you have written they would know that you would not be interested their sordid late night reality/health tv program.
wow….. i think most of that list is fine and normal behavior in context. By this i mean if you are active on the singles or dating scene, or indulge in things either with the consent of, or in the prescence of your significant other, and these things do not cause problems in your life or finances or relationships, then so be it.
However, if you are indulging in secret, behind someones back, in spite of your loving partner, or if its leading you into risky, dangerous situations, getting you into debt etc. – or your work or home life is suffering then – you perhaps need to re assess your motivations.
Like your friends husband who offered you “christian redemption” – I would view this as well meaning but misjudged advice.
So much to unpack in that last bullet point alone.
I definitely wouldn’t peg you as a sex addict – neither would I peg most sex bloggers as addicts to sex. Being sexually active has been overwhelmingly liberating and positive in the lives of most sex bloggers.
Hi, I’m Dubs, and I’m a sexaholic….
As C. said, there’s so much to unpack in that last point alone. I mean…what’s wrong with toys? yes, sex addiction is a very real problem. However, it’s definition is suspect. A lot of what doctors and therapists believe about sex addiction really flies in the face of sex positivity, and I worry that those who diagnose sex addictions may sometimes be indicting behaviours such as polyamory and kink.
If I had to guess, I’d say these folks targetted you because of your blog name: Always Aroused Girl. Never mind that you don’t always write about sex, and that it’s okay to be aroused.
Robin picked what I was going to tease about, I can hear the voice-over now, “Not only has ___ admitted her addiction has interfered with daily living and ruined her childrens’ lives, but even her very own blog was named (dramatic pause) ‘Always Aroused Girl’”.
The tagline of your episode can be “From ‘Always Aroused Girl’ to ‘Always Avoiding Pleasure’”, oh wait, no, that’s not their message…
PS: I substituted sleep in those bullet points and just learned I have a huge problem.
Obviously, a woman can’t have a healthy sexual appetite – your either frigid, if you don’t like sex, or if you like it to much, your a nympho sex addict. Pffft.
Yeah, and if you had sexual abuse in your past you’re either “acting out” or “avoiding.”
Just can’t win!
Oh, and if you have any mental illness, somehow, one of those things is a sign of it, and you obviously can’t have a normal sex drive. Its all a symptom!
There’s a big divide in the sex therapist community over using the term “addiction” in conjunction with sex. How much is “too much” sex? Who decides that? How do you deal with sex addiction when sex is a natural part of life and human relationships (even relationships with yourself)?
As an up and coming sex therapist (still a student) it’s an interesting discussion. Myself, I cannot see having a healthy sexual life as being a problem unless you’re doing things like lying, cheating and neglecting responsibilities– which would put it in the same boat as any other fun thing that can be taken too far such as eating, drinking, gambling, etc.
Somehow, I don’t see you neglecting responsibilities. :)
Hell no, honey, and neither am I.
What a pile of unnecessarily wanky pigeon poo.
Maybe it was based on the part of your name ‘Always Aroused’ Girl… ?