Upon receiving a message from someone so very unsuitable I would in most cases delete it and immediately turn my attention to more pressing matters — ie, what color to paint my nails, is there enough lunch meat to make sandwiches, if I put off vacuuming for one more day will bedbugs spontaneously generate in the carpeting — but this man’s profile had shocked and annoyed me to such a degree that I was compelled to answer back:
Me: Thank you for the kind message! However, considering what you’ve written in your profile I don’t think I’m the sort of woman you’re looking for. I wish you all the best in your search.
Him: Based on your note, you have got to be the sweetest women on this site! Good luck, I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for – you deserve it – but I have to know why you think you’re not the kind of woman I’m looking for. You sound perfect to me!
Me: I specifically indicate that I’m not a thin woman, and you specifically indicate that you’re not into women who “weigh a ton.” While I don’t technically tip the scales at two-thousand pounds, I feel fairly certain that you’re looking for someone far smaller than me.
Him: You’re right, that remark on my profile was uncalled for. I really should change the wording. It wasn’t meant to offend, it was frustration over a pervasive lack of honesty about one’s physical attributes. If you’re a few extra pounds I don’t mind that at all. There’s just so much bs on this site.
Me: It’s easy to get annoyed by the bs on the site. And yes, women (and men) can shade the truth about the characteristics they’re most insecure about. You’d be stunned by the number of single-but-not-really or long-and-thick-but-not-really men I’ve met.
Him: I never thought about men being deceptive. To married guys really pose as single? Do they end up confessing?
Me: Yes, men as well as women do lie. I’ve heard fibs about profession, number of former marriages, number of children, relationship with ex-spouse (ie, “I have no idea why she took out a restraining order against me!”), physical appearance, drug use and military service.
Him: Wow! I never thought that women would take so much crap. Seems that neglecting to mention a few pounds is rather innocent! (But I really am nine inches.)
Me: Your penis is seven inches, you say? That’s a very respectable length.
Him: You’re catching on! Anyhow, I re-wrote my profile. Tell me what you think? I’m a cabinetmaker – not a writer!
Me: Luckily for you I am a writer. How many cabinets can I get in exchange for editing your profile?
And then, dear reader, he sent it to me:
I’m a down-to-earth guy in good shape for my age . I’ve got a good job and a good eduction. I’m not looking for anything serious but I’m hoping to find someone who’s missing physical intimacy and would like to help me fulfill fantasies. I’d like to open up to someone sexually and hope they’d be comfortable enough to do the same with me. My ideal woman would be uninhibited, confident, patient, open-minded, likes to kiss and snuggle. Prefer height and weight proportionate (I don’t expect Barbie doll!) and a non-smoker.
This? This I count as a victory for reason, compassion and the benefit of all human kind.
Don’t you?
ROCK ON!
Huzzah!
I’ve met some of the good ones, ones whose profile doesn’t reflect who they really turned out to be, and some of the whackjobs, for the exact same reason. Having been a journalism major, I’ve often wanted to red-line their profiles, but I’m glad to see that you’ve been able to help one see the light for himself. Thank you!!!
One down, eleventy gazillion to go!
I’d do him.
Despite the shaky start, he sounds like a reasonable type after all. Will you be taking thing further?
I don’t think so. He asked yesterday if he could “come and watch” my date last night; when I said no he asked if I’d cam it for him. This seems just unbearably creepy, amirite?
uhhhh definitely.
Yes, I would count the re-vamped profile info as a success. However the overall personality, I’ve got to list as FAIL.
(Srsly!?! He wanted you to cam your date! WTF?)
Yes, yes he did. :)
Just walk away, you’ve given enough schooling to him.
“This I count as a victory for reason, compassion and the benefit of all human kind.” …or he could just be a better than average bullshit artist.
But then, I am cynical. Just sayin’.
Very, very true. :)
PG-13 it, and you’ve got the perfect plot for a Lifetime movie!
Holy shit, ten points for the cool use of logic in the face of possible asshattery, and another 40 for the triumph!
He’s either ‘creepy’ or just a jovial player! Bets are he’s the latter. He sounds like he doesn’t take himself too seriously – and that’s a pretty rare thing nowadays.
So he asked to watch. Most guys love to watch. (There’s a multi-billion dollar porn industry that’s pretty good proof of that.) It’s a throwaway line to get you off balance and sounds like it worked! It worked just like his profile!
What is the benefit in having me off balance (erm, more than usual)?
Sounds like you’re trying to ‘fix’ this guy – make him ‘presentable’. By all accounts you’ve only exchanged a few lines with him.
If he’s anything like the guys I know (and I probably share a lot of traits with them), you ain’t gonna succeed by casually suggesting to him ‘to tuck in his shirt and stand up straight’!
He’ll play along with a few ‘tut, tuts’, and say ‘yessum’ when prompted but don’t expect to rid the world of his ‘assholery’! It’s a game, he’s served a few line shots and lobbed a couple back. If you want to end the game, you can rip a viscous kill shot toward his backhand – OR you can volley!
This isn’t my first time down the court. Most likely I’ll hand him back his ball and wander off. :)
I think a “viscous” kill shot is what he’s after. A hur, a hur.
Well…I read the exchange/discussion and I thought he was just fishing to get information to satisfy your desires for an ideal profile. The first post more probably reflected his true personality type than the restructured one. The video request was certainly confirmed it.
While there may be few jewels out there with bad presentation, the vast majority are accurate of what you would regardless of any cleanup that might be made.
Agreed. The positive is that people reading the new profile won’t get kicked in the face by his nastiness.
But maybe getting kicked in the face right off the bat would be better than learning of his assholery more gradually. Now I’m beginning to regret this. :)
Well Damn!! There for a minute I was going to try to encourage you to meet this guy!! But…….Now that you have told us about his wanting to cam you and your date and such, I am not so sure!!
Maybe correspond with him a bit more, and see. Could be he just had a moment of over excitement and said what he said. Could be he is a big time voyeur. who knows?? Ask him maybe.
But …..I could be completely wrong of course, and maybe you should RUN from this one.
Anyone who exaggerates. prevaricates, or just plain lies on a dating profile is a jerk, and probably a not too bright one at that. How does he think he is going to explain away all the untruths when the actual first meeting takes place? Sounds to me like a loser.
I don’t know if I’d call him reformed, but certainly better informed than before.
Also, I’m surprised that people are ascribing malice to the conversation. (I really doubt that he’s actually a terrible person who is really good at pretending to be nice so as to fool AAG).
As to the cam watching, yes the request was a bit creepy (I would tell him it was a little too forward, and off-putting). Other than that, he’s been very honest about what he wants and where he is, and that speaks volumes about a person’s character.
Awesome! Good for you.
I never thought about men being deceptive.
Yeah right. No one is that stupid.
The insults were his bait. This is his hook. He can change! Really! He just never thought about these things before! You’re the only woman who is awesome enough to have opened his eyes!
He’s a manipulator.
MY CLOTHES CANNOT BE MANIPULATED OFF!
At least not today!