The Blogger Anonymity Project: Post #6

Jan 052011
 

Do you know about the Blogger Anonymity Project, or AAG’s Home for Wayward Bloggers? Want to get something off your chest? Read up, then leave some advice for today’s Wayward Blogger in the comments. –aag

I’m getting married in February.We’ve decided against having a traditional wedding and instead we’re going back to his home town to elope at the courthouse (in the presence of two nominated-by-us witnesses). We had originally each chosen a friend to be our witnesses, but the problem I face now is that I no longer want the person I chose to be present. As time has gone on, this ‘friend’ has withdrawn from me and my life. She never returns my calls or rings me up, and I’m lucky if she responds to my text messages. And yet she still expects me to be there for her. I don’t hear from her unless it’s me getting contacting her, and I’m tired of it being a one way friendship.

So my question is this: How do I tell her I don’t want her to be at my wedding any longer, without telling her exactly that and the reasons why? I don’t want to be mean or hurt her feelings, but our friendship isn’t the same as when I asked. If you can help, it would be very much appreciated.

Extra background info:
- We’ve been friends a couple of months short of seven years.
- She was my best friend.
- She’s the only person to be present all times I’ve been tattooed.

 AAG Entries, AAG's Home for Wayward Bloggers  9 Responses »

An Assfucking Compact

Jan 042011
 

An Assfucking Compact

Consider this document advance notice that I, _____________________1, am interested in fucking your ass. I have not come to this conclusion lightly, and I would like you to know that I accept certain facts as given before the assfuckery even begins. To wit, I:

  • Acknowledge that buttsex often moves at a speed which would make the progress of glaciers across the frozen tundra seem zippy. I affirm that I will not seek to rush or hurry this process as that way brings only tears.
  • Recognize the supreme degree of self-control necessary in performing my main duty, which is to place my cock / finger / sextoy / other2 at the entrance to your ass and then stay still until such a time as you see fit to wiggle back upon it.
  • Accept the idea that your ass’s primary function, no matter how well it is trained, cleaned and disciplined beforehand, may not be interrupted by the presence of said cock / finger / sextoy / other; therefore I will not express shock or consternation at any evidence of that primary function. I will not wrinkle my nose, nor make sounds of dismay, nor run overly quickly to the bathroom. Nor shall I raise my eyebrows, no not even a little.
  • Agree to provide a great quantity of black or dark-colored towels to be placed beneath your bottom; additionally, such condoms, gloves and other assorted barriers (both standard and non-latex) as may be deemed necessary.
  • Vow neither to push in nor pull out, nor engage in any overactive thrusting nor wriggling until such a time as full leave and permission to do so has been granted by you.
  • Promise not to whine, complain, grumble or bellyache nor engage in any manner of fuss either verbal or non should the length of time necessary to achieve full ass-access be longer than I’d ideally desire. Not even a single whimper. Nay, not even one.

Would you like this process of mutual exploration and delight to begin? Please check the appropriate box below, affix your signature, and return it at your earliest convenience.

[y][n]________________________ 3

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter, and know that regardless of your response I think you are the most rad of all the super-rad people ever to exist.

Sincerely,

______________________________4

  1. Your name here [↩]
  2. Please circle one or more options [↩]
  3. Please sign [↩]
  4. Your signature here [↩]
 AAG Entries, buttsex, sex  22 Responses »

Kiss

Jan 032011
 

Perhaps the fact that I was nearly seventeen before it happened was what made my first kisses so very sweet, sweet enough that if I could have I would have stayed on the couch in my parents’ living room for hours or days not breaking contact except for a brief, occasional full breaths before moving in to explore another one of the ten-thousand different ways lips could touch.

The kind of kissing that lasts for dreamy-long hours despite the sometimes violent need for resolution was the norm for me over the next several years and I came to believe that everyone in every single circumstance kissed like that. But then I ran across one partner after the next for whom kissing was not a priority, and then I got married and sex in general was not a priority. Even after divorce, and despite the incredible chemistry I’ve enjoyed with past partners — chemistry that stretched over months and months and years and years — not once in recent history have I wanted nothing more than to kiss and kiss and kiss and never stop kissing.

Honestly, I was fine with that. I was fine with foregoing kissing if it meant more time for cocksucking, more time for assfucking, more time for naked stroking and fingerbanging and rubbing and talking. I  thought it was because of age, that at some point living beneath the more habitual sway of sex supplanted the enjoyment found in just lips.

In fact I hardly thought of kissing at all until not long ago when finally after weeks of talk a coffeedate ended with one kiss, and then just one more, and for days I could think of nothing but those two kisses and how very very badly I wanted ten-thousand more of them. And were they just flukes? And would the rest be just as good?

They were not flukes. The rest was just as good. And now, despite rubbed-raw lips and a throat sore from screaming I want more and more and more.

 AAG Entries, sex  9 Responses »

Reprint: Before 10 am

Jan 022011
 

This was first published in July of 2006. I’d forgotten how difficult life was back then. Enjoy? –aag

———————-

*Get up briefly to pee. Go back to sleep for a few minutes.

*Wake up for real, 7am. Change and dress children. Feed children.

*Wrap present for child’s birthday party.

*Realize that there is no caffeine in house. Despair.

*Do mommy-stuff. Unload dishwasher. Fold laundry. Do more laundry. Load dishwasher. Clean up breakfast-ed children.

*Supervise playing children. Break up fight over toy that hasn’t been played with in ages, but now that one child has it, everyone must simultaneously possess it right this very instant.

*Think briefly about eating own breakfast. Do not.

*Pack lunch for child. Load child’s backpack. Attempt to administer much-hated medicine to child, despite protests, screams and much additional drama.

*Sit on child, force medicine down throat.

*Stop baby from eating paper from the floor.

*Stop other baby from dismantling lamp.

*Counsel child that perhaps chasing boys and then tackling them at recess is not such a great idea.

*Husband arrives downstairs, looks at commotion and asks if I “need” him to do anything before he leaves. Raise eyebrows. Stomp off to get dressed.

*Realize that husband has not done a chore that belongs to him–for nearly a week. Feel blood-pressure rise. Contemplate divorce. Contemplate pulling out fingernails (his). Do job myself.

*Wish for a shower. Realize that there is no time. Dress. Brush teeth.

*Attempt to herd cats in preparation for trip to vet. Find one cat.

*Confront husband about undone chore. Listen to lame excuses. Tell husband that I’m taking over the chore because I cannot bear the stress of wondering if he’s done it and then having to do it self.

*Husband slinks out of house, completely emasculated by me. I’m such a bitch.

*Make sure children are not killing each other.

*Attempt to herd other cat. This requires dismantling entire bed. Take opportunity to strip bed and put linens into laundry.

*Gather both cats into carrier. Gather all children into van.

*Realize that bed linens have unbalanced washer. Fix.

*Put all supplies into van. Put mail into box. Put cats, howling, into van.

*Realize that bed linens have unbalanced washer–again. Fix.

*Take child to school. Take cats to vet. Unload babies and cats. Realize that we must look like the clowns coming out of the tiny car at the circus.

*Get into exam room. Take cats out. Realize that one cat has peed, copiously, due to stress. Watch cute vet tech cringe. Sigh inwardly.

*Tech leaves. Baby starts crying. Attempt to wash down pee-stinky cats. Other baby starts crying.

*Finish appointment and head home. Notice horrific odor in van. Realize that cat has peed again.

*Begin unloading mini. Baby is crying. Cats are howling. Child has inexplicably removed both shoes and has poured milk in hair. Clean child. Leave cats in carrier momentarily.

*Check mail. Two notices that I’ve missed certified letters, from the IRS. Break into a cold sweat. Carry rest of mail and a box into the house.

*Attempt to bathe pee-covered cat #1. Half-way through drying-off process, cat escapes and runs into child. Child cries, terrified. Baby cries, terrified.

*Attempt to bathe pee-covered cat #2. P-C cat #2 refuses to come out of box, preferring to hiss, cowering in puddle of piss. Mutter “fine!” to recalcitrant cat.

*Feed baby. Soothe children. Find one lone can of Diet Pepsi. Suck it down in two long pulls in order to ease throbbing head.

*Phone rings three times while stuck on the couch with babies. Find out later that it is 1) mother 2) boss and 3) husband. All of them want something from me. Feel happy that I could not get to the phone.

*Rise from couch. Deposit baby on floor. Deposit other baby next to him. Get scornful look from second baby, who recently has decided that her brother cannot touch her.

*Attempt to bathe other pee-soaked cat. Succeed, but get soaked in the process.

*Look at clock. Realize that it is only 10 am.

*Finally get around to looking at package that came in mail. It’s a box. A suspiciously heavy box. From njoy. It’s the new butt-plug.

*Smile hugely. The day is looking up.

 AAG Entries, family  4 Responses »

Happy New Year

Jan 012011
 

The end of 2010 was fucking epic, and as 2011 is the year I turn 42 I am determined that it will be at least as epic.

Happy New Year to everyone!

 AAG Entries  4 Responses »
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