From my own past, and as a parent to a 12 year old girl, a 10 year old boy and a 4 year old boy, I’ve learned that it is so much better for kids to have access to information before they need it. Not just basic things they should know about, but those things that might or might not happen… “What if” questions that get you thinking about what you would do in a particular situation. I didn’t experience this growing up… no one ever asked me: What if the girl next door kisses you while you’re playing house? What if someone touches you inappropriately? What if you’re being bullied? What if you saw something on TV that felt like you probably shouldn’t be seeing it but nobody is talking about it? What if you find naked pictures in your parent’s room? What if you realize by a choice that you made, you’ve now put yourself in a compromising position and you’re not sure what to do? What if your boyfriend/girlfriend wants to sext with you?
So, as each of those scenarios came into my life I was forced to deal with them with the limited experience I had gained up to that point… I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up and not much parental supervision. I was working full-time by the time I was a senior in high school. Looking back I know I grew up too fast. I know it could not have been another way though, because everyone did the best they could with what they knew. So when I became a parent, I decided I wanted my kids to know more than I did, for them to be better prepared. To know and contemplate the emotional consequences of sex, how to avoid being in a situation that increase your chances of being assaulted, why some girls have sex earlier than others, why it’s ok to take your time being a kid…
I never had this, so I pledged to give it to my children. Times are different and information about pregnancy, safe sex, diseases, even abortion is more accessible… but life is complicated. Two girls the same age can be ready for different things at different times and if a girl is ready to learn about sex and there is no appropriate teacher, her risk of experiencing negative things connected to self-esteem, boundaries, poor judgment, emotional issues is so much higher than if she just knew a little more going into it…
Wouldn’t it be great if before you even had sex you had an arsenal of information about things that may affect you besides ‘getting pregnant’? To have already learned something about those scenarios without having to experience them first-hand? Or if you already experienced them to know that you’re not alone? That’s where I see Scarleteen. It’s not just a site where you can learn the mechanics of sexual positions but it’s a rich storing house of information that everyone should know. Really everyone? Yes. It’s so good to be prepared, especially if the information is interesting. I looked at the blog roll on Scarleteen and wished I could go back in time and read the entries before I was faced with those particular scenarios head on. Most of my hardest life lessons came from figuring out on my own (and in therapy, I won’t lie) many things that I now see discussed on Scarleteen.
So turn yourself into a “What if” person. What if my best friend comes on to me? What if I find out my boyfriend likes boys? What if I find out my bestfriend sent a sext to someone and now it’s going around? What if I think my brother is gay but he’s not admitting it? What if I think my sister is being abused? What if I see someone getting bullied, what do I do?
Concocting scenarios like this and thinking about what you would do, helps you shape the person that you’ll grow into. Being informed is your best weapon against being taken by surprise and feeling helpless, alone and unsure of what to do in that very moment. Be curious. Ask questions. Grow.
Dawn Tulman is the president of ToiBocks, Inc. providing discreet storage solutions to protect your privacy. She lives outside LA with her three really great kids, considers environmental responsibility as an obligation to her great-grand-children and really enjoys helping other people grow.
