Since the breakup this past spring of a relationship that lasted nearly three years I’ve taken more of an interest in maintaining profiles on dating sites of the kinky and the less-than-kinky variety. In the latter instance I make mention of my political leanings as I cannot fathom going to bed (much less entering into a relationship) with someone who thinks that Obama’s a socialist1, that abortion is murder or that “illegals” should instantly be deported.
Again2. I can’t fathom going to bed with someone like that again.
In the same profile you’ll find a joking reference to hating liver to such an degree that I can detect even the slightest hint of the horrid substance in food3. I put this in for no other reason than that there was a “Food” question on the site’s getting-to-know-you section and that I was trying to be cute. In the same section under the heading of “Books” I wrote out a list of the volumes currently living on my nightstand.
Fair enough, right?
Clearly all this had an effect on one man who read my profile, as he sent along a warning. “I see that you’re interested in politics,” began the message. “You should lose this profile,” he warned, “because some of the things you mention will burn you down the road if you try to run for office.”
I was puzzled. A quick rereading of what I’d written turned up no mention political aspiration to that degree nor of ass-sex, fisting or support of age appropriate sex-ed for youth. I’m not sure I understand, I wrote back to the gentleman. What part of my profile do you think is problematic?
His reply was almost instantaneous. “The liver,” he said. “Someone will think you’re referring to golden showers. Also, you described the books next to your bed. That could be spun to make you look like a pervert.”
So, two questions for you, my faithful readers. First, is there some euphemistic connection between liver and piss-play that I’ve heretofore missed?
And second, if I ever run for public office, do you think perhaps I’ve got more muck to be raked than the location of my books?
- or not a citizen [↩]
- The specific partner mentioned above did not believe all those things. Past partners in general have believed all those things and it didn’t stop me from getting naked with them, which is quite the indictment of my decision-making abilities [↩]
- my mother used to try to sneak it into dressing, HURL [↩]
Hunh. You sure he’s not trying to be clever/ironic/sarcastic/funny? Like, there’s nothing incriminating on your profile, but he’s pretending there is because it’s SOOOO funny!
We emailed back and forth several times. Unless my text-reading is seriously out of whack I’d say he was serious.
Do you think maybe he really wanted some golden showers? So he saw what he wanted to see?
ROFLMFAO. Seriously. This struck me as HILARIOUS.
I wish I could say no, but in truth, we know that most anything we say can be twisted in ways we couldn’t even fathom.
I guess my first response would be: What’re the books’ titles?
My second response is, of course, to imagine your first campaign commercial: [dark background, you in a simple dark dress and pearls] “I’m not an eater of liver. I’m you.”
HA! I just snorted out loud. I <3 u Circe.
Oh come on now, cover up the liver with a nice Chianti and some fava beans and choke it down. You choke down other things, we know we’ve have read about it… then you could be elected to what ever orifice… oops office . You are more honest than any politician.
Oh wait… a simple dark dress and “pearls” now that could more easily be misconstrued than the liver and golden showers thing. Didn’t Clinton get impeached over pearls.
I can just see the search hits that get people to this entry:
Does liver make golden showers feel better?
Will someone give me a golden shower while I eat liver?
Support group for people who need to have a golden shower while eating liver.
Totally depends on the books on your nightstand. :-) That’s why the Patriot Act allows the government to see what books you check out of the library.
A guy who was trying to romance me once sent me the listing from Amazon of the books he had purchased online. I have to say, my ears (among other things) perked up a bit when I saw that he had purchased books on tantric and the Karma Sutra….
Unfortunately, he hadn’t read them….
In*your*endo
What kind of books are you reading? Something banned, I hope.
Right now I’m reading:
Sandman Slim by Richard Kadrey
and
Deed of Paksenarrion by Elizabeth Moon
and I just finished this:
Requiem for a Dream by Hubert Selby Jr.
Elizabeth Moon is such an amazing person and author. I wonder if having such a varied background is what allows her to envision such rich characters…
Orly? I don’t know anything about her. Will have to look!
OMG I didn’t realize she was the one who wrote “The Speed of Dark.” I HATE HATE HATED that book so much!
Maybe he’s a closet kinkster and is afraid to ask what you mean about the liver and golden showers. Personally, I would write back with some random story about how your last lover liked to watch you piss on livers and then cook them for him. With yellow pepper seasoning, cuz it’s yellow (turns golden when you useit in cooking). Just sayin LOL
-Jackie (j_hussein on twitter)
Liver is just evil. But Googling “liver golden showers” produced this: http://www.mamaherb.com/golden-shower-tree
Maybe he’s just confused about what a Golden Shower is. ;)
Is he confusing the liver with the kidneys, perchance?
Wouldn’t the more logical jump (still not logical, but MORE logical) be to assume that the covert reference to the liver was a tipoff to drinking or something?
I’d totally vote for you if you ran for office.
No that’s totally normal. I include references to Golden Showers, Bondage and Snoopy in my first email to a woman from an online dating site. I also ask for naked pics, their blood type and a list of medications they are taking, a full surgical history and their middle school transcripts.
I don’t understand why I don’t replies…..
How nice of him to be so concerned for you welfare and future career aspirations. I doubt he’d vote for you anyway.
And liver does suck in every way, shape or form. *blurgh*
I don’t know about the liver thing, but I’d guess the comments about the rest “coming back to burn you” says more about him than about you…by which I mean he’s probably a politician or defrocked minister or priest who HAS had something spun about him.
Then again, maybe he just has a thing for Christine O’Donnell.
Wackaloons… They’re everywhere!
I remember the wild west internet of the mid-late 90′s and the popularity of AOL chat rooms. Pretty much anything your heart desires could be found there, 24×7. I had a favorite chat room which was not of the kink variety, however, somehow “Ohio” was secretly code for “Nymphomanics Lacking Good Judgement”.
I had fun with the trolls who dropped by. I was friends IRL with most of the regulars. I would give the trolls directions to my address (post office box) right there in open chat. On other occasions, I would tell them to take the beltway around my hometown until it ended and I’d leave the light on for them. No metrics on how many men showed up at the post office or drove in circles for hours.
I was a real bitch, huh? :)
My first thought was he didn’t know the difference between the functions of one’s liver and kidneys.
I too would vote for someone with an honest exploratory sex life.
YES! I thought that too!
I suspect it was an attempt to make a joke done rather better by Monty Python.
In the summarize Proust competition one of the contestants is asked to list his hobbies ‘golf, strangling small animals and masturbation”,
“Well there he goes. Harry Bagot. He must have let himself down a bit on the hobbies, golf’s not very popular around here, but never mind, a good try”
Was there some reason why you didn’t ask this guy what he meant about the liver?
I can’t imagine what the connection might be, and I’m sort of into golden showers. It doesn’t have very much, if any, specialized lingo, as far as I’m aware.
I did, but I didn’t get any more cogent answer than that he thought that someone would “twist it around” and try to make me look bad.
Apparently, Bleed the liver is a euphemism for urination. Never heard it before. See, http://www.uta.fi/FAST/GC/sex-scat.html
OMG you may have broken the code.
Better link: http://www.uta.fi/FAST/GC/sex-scat.html#urinate
I think people are just a little too eager to give advice on what other people should put online “just in case.” I have received the same kind of “advice” on several occasions, usually by people who are bothered by what I blog about or what thoughts I share on Twitter and Facebook. I have always taken it as condescending, as if I need someone to point out that not all people share my point of view on politics. Can what you publish online come back to haunt you years from now? Sure, we’ve seen it happen countless times. However, people should trust that you know very well what you’re doing and you’re not new to the world of the internet.