The problem would diminish if not disappear completely were I to take a less extreme view on the topic of hygiene, most specifically pre-oral-sex hygiene.
You see, I enjoy being on the very bleeding edge of cleanliness when it comes time to part my legs. I’d be happiest if I could step directly out of the shower and into bed, but as that kind of scheduling brings up problems of its own, I’d allow that perhaps two hours could pass between bathing and (ahem) eating before I’d be too twitchy to relax.
I know this is silly; and these rules don’t, mind you, apply to anyone but myself. The memory of a sharp note of sweat on a partner’s skin can make me breathe heavy and swallow hard weeks after the antecedent, and I don’t think I’ve ever turned someone down for for being too funkified. At least not in recent memory.
If I have an early date on a night the kids’ father comes here to take care of them I can bathe at my leisure before he arrives, then beat a hasty retreat the moment everyone is settled. The problem arises only on nights when the ex comes here and I have a late-starting date, because due to my aforementioned neurosis over cleanliness, the getting-ready portion of the evening must take place with the ex in the house.
He has to hear me; he must know what’s going on, for what possible reason other than imminent nekkidity would require a half-hour shower at seven o’clock at night? Why else would I kiss the kids goodnight at leave at five ’til eight, wafting behind me the scent of shampoo and barely contained glee, adjusting the altogether inappropriate underwear concealed beneath my clothes? As keenly as I anticipate being naked and touched and very well-loved, it is disconcerting to walk out of the home — a home that, if I’d have been a different kind of person, would have provided everything in every aspect of life I ever could have wanted.
But I wasn’t, and it didn’t, so I try every week to juggle the needs for hygiene and privacy and sex and fail every time.
Oh. I’ve just right this very moment thought of another solution, but as it involves refusing any offer of oral pleasure, I think it can safely be rejected out of hand.
You could always shower earlier for the major clean and do a touch-up clean right before the *ahem* event, ‘s what I tend to do, as I have a thing like you, I get weird if my mate goes down on me and I feel there is a day’s worth of sweat pooled in the coochie folds, even though he doesn’t seem to mind.
Nice quick warm washcloth wipe down before jumping into bed seems to do the trick. Else, perhaps a shower at his place as some foreplay? ;)
Shower foreplay = lots of warm fun. :D
I guess I’m an odd one then.
Freshly washed pussy and a pussy that’s been tucked away in a thong over the course of a workday both taste exceedingly fine. One is merely more pungeunt than the other. No real problem there for my taste buds.
As for myself, being uncut, I take my cleaning seriously. However I can pull mine off in a sink in about 2 minutes. Nothing worse than a fucky foreskin. lol
That should be *funky.*
Ahem.
Mind is somewhere else.
Those baby wipes are good for other things besides babies.
This.
I don’t know a soul whose home provides “everything in every aspect of life” that they have ever wanted.
In terms of showers, I get ready for my dates with my boyfriend with my Husband in the house. Sometimes even chats with me as I’m shaving. I won’t say that it’s not odd. It is. But I like to think of ourselves as “all grown up” now, and able to comprehend that we each deserve a pleasure that the other can’t always provide, and be okay, deep in our skins, with that. Maybe your ex is there? If not, perhaps soon you will be.
Xo-Sadie
You’re probably right. Won’t stop me from being angsty tho. :)
Oh, but of course! That’s part of why I like you so much; because, girl, I can relate!
xo~Sadie
Very well written, oral cleanliness is one of my own OCD-ish “things”. I just can’t enjoy receiving it unless I know that it is sparkly clean. On the giving side, I just can’t do it if it’s anything less than fresh out of the shower. If it isn’t, Ye Olde Gag Reflex kicks in..and trust me, there isn’t anything less sexy than unexpected puke on penii.
I get where your coming from. I like to be Ms. fresh when I’m receiving oral as well. My fiancé likes me to have showered many hours prior. So I compromise and make it an hour or so prior.
D’ya ever wonder why those clever Europeans have bidets all over the place?
They do have those ones here (just the sprayer) that you can hook up to your water supply lines pretty easily. I have definitely considered getting one before.
As a woman, you get bombarded all your life to be “clean” down there. I don’t want to taste the scent of roses, vanilla, lilacs, or whatever when I am giving oral. I want to taste her, her essence. I enjoy her natural aroma. That stays with me long after a kiss goodbye. It’s sad that women are made to feel so self conscious about it.
It’s funny because I’ve been with women who clearly had not just stepped out of the shower, and there was absolutely nothing wrong whatsoever with their scent.
I’m only so judgey about myself.
One of the most sensual experience of my life happened when my girlfriend came back from a run. I was feeling a little “anxious” if you know what I mean. I pushed her up against the wall, pulled her shorts down and went to work.
She protested about being “all sweaty,” well only for a little while.
If I want to smell roses, I’ll go to a flower shop.
Tangentially related… for a while now I’ve been pondering the importance of “purity” as moral value of greater importance in the kink community. Your mention of “neurosis over cleanliness” points that way, I think.
Apparently, I’m not alone in pondering this connection.
See also Jonathan Haidt’s TED talk that explains how even liberals may emphasize purity as a moral value.
Like you, I also like to make sure that I am presenting the good hair day for vaginas, so to speak, to my lovers.
Unscented baby wipes. I call my bag of goodies my “ho on the go” bag, unscented baby wipes are always in there.
I need a HoOnTheGo bag.