Required reading for anyone who wonders why the strict adherence to “traditional” gender roles is so problematic:
As a society, we equate masculinity with force, with violence, with aggression, with being “tough” and invulnerable. We celebrate it those things as virtues. To a widely-varying degree, we look with disdain, or pity, or condescension, or amusement at too much deviation from the prescribed norm. And we occasionally exact a terrible penalty for stepping outside those rigid parameters.
The beating death of 17-month-old Roy Jones was no less a hate crime because the victim was a baby. Whether would have grown up to be gay, or transgender, or just a gentle, sweet-natured straight boy, was still many years away. More, it was irrelevant.
The attack, and the apparent impulse behind it–that a violent man was made uncomfortable by a even a perceived variation on gender-normative behavior–is exactly what makes transgender and gender-variant Americans among the most vulnerable segment of the population, and children who even appear gender-variant are the most vulnerable of all.
It’s still early in the investigation and there are naturally more questions than answers at this point. Doubtless, facts and details will emerge about Pedro Jones along with the very real possibility that he endured horrors of his own that helped craft what he later became. It’s too early to paint him as a monster, or at least as a one-dimensional monster. With few exceptions, monsters are made, not born. They are still monsters, but they are carved with the hurtful blows of many sharp chisels, over many years.
Read the rest of the piece here.
AAg, this was a horrible event. I do not understand how a child of that age can act masculine. Neither does the abusive fool who beat Roy to death. I suspect he was impatient with the very normal behavior of a child that age and let his impatience turn into malice.
It is true that people act out things that have been done to them, be they good or bad. But acting out the bad does not help anyone.
I often wonder when I hear of young adults beating small children, is it that they are doing it out of jealousy? That is, they are upset that they are not getting kissed and coddled. A baby receives a lot of loving attention and for someone who has not consciously dealt with their own longings, jealousy might arise.
But no matter all of that. It is such a shame that a child had to die in such a horrid manner. Very sad.
Ok, that actually made me throw up in my mouth a little. I mean…a baby?! What does a baby do, other than be adorable? Even *I* like babies. I just don’t understand people. I particularly loathed this quote:
“”I was trying to make him act like a boy instead of a little girl,” Jones explained. “I never struck that kid that hard before. A one-time mistake, and I am going to do 20 years.”"
Oh, babies are pretty damn annoying on an almost hourly basis.
Still no excuse to do them harm. :(
Well, true, but they’re not really, you know, gendered yet. At that age, all you need to worry about is how the pee is going to hit you when you change them.
I feel like if we could only change, on a grand scale, our notions of gender and sexuality, we could eliminate lots of stupidity from this world.
Like my uncle, who when his son asked me ‘What is this?’ holding up one of my bobby pins, got all upset at my response. “Its a bobby pin. Its used to keep hair back from your face.” ‘Can I wear it?’ (he tries to put it on) “Well, no, because your hair is too short. It only works on long hair”
Upon which my uncle freaked out, took it away, and said ‘NO! Only girls wear these! These are for girls!’. Like the kid is gonna catch teh gay from using a bobby pin. Exactly. That’s how it happens.
“I feel like if we could only change, on a grand scale, our notions of gender and sexuality, we could eliminate lots of stupidity from this world.”
I couldn’t agree with you more.
[quote]He told troopers that the little boy had been too feminine and that he’d been trying to toughen Roy up by literally beating the life out of him.
“I’m sorry,” he said “That’s my baby. [b]I loved him to death.[/b]“[/quote]
Apparently. (emphasis mine)
This is the kind of thing that makes me afraid to even consider getting married again… What if my daughters don’t act “girlie” enough, my son “man” enough? What if my boyfriend/husband/significant other decides to molest any of them? These are not situations i want to deal with. These are not chances i want to take.
I hear you. One of the many reasons I’m happy to be in relationships that do not include my children.