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“Both of you,” the General said to Messner and Gen, “Go lie down. We’ll discuss this.” He used his gun to point to the floor, someplace not too close by.
Messner did not try to resume negotiations. “I don’t lie down,” he said, but his voice was tired enough that one might have thought he would have liked to. “I wait outside. I’ll come back again in one hour.” With that he gave a courteous nod to Gen and simply opened the door and let himself out. Gen wondered if he might do the same, explain that he would be waiting outside. But Gen knew he was not Messner. There was no putting one’s finger on it exactly, but it was as if there would be no point in shooting Messner. He seemed like someone who had been shot every day of his life and had simply had enough of it.
–Bel Canto, Ann Patchett
After the second appointment, I feel as though I’ve been shot every day of my life, and I have simply had enough of it.
Emotionally abusive people will use therapy as a tool to continue the abuse, which is why relationship counseling with emotional abusers pretty much doesn’t work.
You’ve given more than enough, I think.
I’m gonna agree here. These sessions seem to *really* take it out of you, and if they’re doing that, they’re probably not all that helpful.
Hah! My second ex-husband did exactly that. He monopolized the weekly hour (which my health insurance was paying dearly for) to list my every fault, every real or imagined slight, and his superiority. Nowhere was his pending domestic violence charge brought up, and if I did try to introduce WHY we were in therapy, he’d cut me off and talk over me.
After about 5 such visits, I told the counselor that I’d be happy to come alone, but the couples thing just wasn’t working. He (the counselor) agreed and asked why I’d taken so much verbal abuse in the first place. That question cemented what I’d been afraid to admit and I filed for divorce within a week.
Thereapy is often difficult, and one doesn’t always leave a therapy appointment with the warm fuzzies. Having said that, it’s not acceptable or healthy for you to leave the appointment feeling beat up. I don’t know what’s happening at these appointments, and I don’t need to know, but if the therapist isn’t doing his job to keep the space safe for you, then I’d say the whole process is unproductive.
My apologies if this sounds harsh or uninformed.
I’m sorry. xo
After the description of the first appointment, I’m stunned you went back for a second one. Kudos to you for trying, and for not being bullied into continuing.
Sometimes even the best of therapy is emotionally exhausting, but this doesn’t sound like the best. I’m sorry it didn’t leave you feeling safer or more fulfilled.
Enough. Done. Self preservation kicks in.