Comments on: The Comfort of Thinking “It Can’t Happen To Us”

By: matt

matt — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 05:51:49 +0000

What does she have to say?

By: aag

aag — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 03:20:17 +0000

Sad but true.

My parents are absolutely convinced that I’m going to be killed because I put myself “into situations.” I say that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

By: Wendy Blackheart

Wendy Blackheart — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 02:01:56 +0000

Don’t forget that victim blaming is also great for use against things you don’t like – that stripper deserved it, because she’s a stripper, duh. Of course women who take their clothing off for money can’t complain about a stranger Doing Things to them. It makes people feel safe (‘I don’t do that!’) as well as smug and superior (‘see what happens to those people? I’m not like that’)

Hell, my own mother, after I told her I had been assaulted, said “Well, you do put your self into situations” and the word “Lifestyle” came up, but I was too busy screaming in my head, and crying to listen.

Anyway. People are douche bags.

By: schmutzie

schmutzie — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 22:05:57 +0000

This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday!
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By: aag

aag — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 20:55:04 +0000

http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2010/06/09/citizens-of-the-poconos-unite-against-slutty-teen-rape-victims/

Twisty does have a way with words. :)

By: Sera

Sera — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 20:43:45 +0000

“Victims are not defined by gender, but the crime done to them.”

Right, but it’s hugely significant that most rape victims are women and most rapists (by a long shot) are men. According the Bureau of Justice, “An estimated 91% of victims of rape are female, 9% are male and 99% of offenders are male.” One of the problems is the way we talk about rape–or the way the first article does. I find it creepy that the original article quoted the offender: “Lisk admitted he had sex with the victim “too many times to count,” and compared their relationship to “a marriage where you have sex all the time.”" The statement is totally outrageous–he’s not in a marriage, he’s a child molester. But people read that crap and are like, “oh, they were a loving wittle couple”. Ugh.

aag, can you also link to the blog article that you posted on Twitter the other day about this? That author said what I wanted to say better than I can.

By: alphafemme

alphafemme — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 19:55:17 +0000

Yes, that’s exactly it — it relieves them of any responsibility in making the world better if they can just believe that everything is already hunky-dory. But to believe that everything is already hunky-dory, they need to believe that crimes are justified. And if crimes are justified, then that means there are no true victims.

Sad, innit. And this is why so /many/ survivors (such as myself, back in the day) keep our lips taut and our jaws clenched. Because so many people, desperate to cling to their childlike belief that eye-for-an-eye is how things really work and nothing is committed without provocation, blame the victim.

Realizing this, though, has made recovering easier. Because really, these people are pitiable.

By: aag

aag — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 15:28:48 +0000

They cling to blame because it makes them feel invincible.

Because THEY didn’t do what the victim did, they cannot be hurt in the same way.

Pity them.

By: felix

felix — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 15:17:30 +0000

‘Victim’ and ‘deserved’ used positively in the same sentence is vomit inducing unless the sentence includes respect and support. Morality (such a subjective thing) has nothing to do with injustice. It is always deeply saddening to hear that people today still strip themselves of their ability to be compassionate in such a manner. :(

By: felix

felix — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 15:09:14 +0000

I agree. There is a marked difference between blaming a child victim of long-standing rape (and it is, given the fact that she is a /child/ and he is an /adult/), and a case in which 3 /children/ engage in concerning–to some–behavior while telling different stories.

It’s a matter of someone taking advantage of a child. Not gender. If the report had been relations between a grown woman and long-standing rape of a 13 year old boy, the offense would be just as heinous. And if the comments were about how he should feel lucky that he’s ‘gettin some’ at a young age and ‘dude’s shouldn’t complain about getting ass whenever’ and ‘guys are just horny at any age he was just asking for it’, those who spout those views would be just as ignorant, disgusting, and counter-productive to sexual health and maturity as those who blamed the girl for carrying out relations with a grown man and for wearing short skirts.

Victims are not defined by gender, but the crime done to them.