Jun 032010
I crowdsourced Twitter the other day wondering if OKCupid would be a good dating site for me. Given that responses were mostly positive, I reactivated my long-dormant account in the hope of making some new friends.
At first that seemed like a real possibility as I was greeted by an inbox stuffed full of responses, but when I started reading through the responses I found this charming missive:
And I just don’t know what to be the most taken aback by: the fictitious assertion that I requested a Brad Pitt type, the horrifying sexual fantasy or the fact that he thought this was something missing from my — or any other woman’s — life.
It is the last two of the sequence that are most horrifying. I must say I am glad you are missing out.
At least he said “cheers,” right?
What. The. Fuck.
I smell a troll. And yes, they are on OK Cupid. *sigh*
I would report that profile to the powers that be over there….
What the fuck…
This guy may be a troll, or he may be very honest of what he wants. Either way, I sense this guy masturbates with sandpaper far too often.
Do you have good screening filters built in and a set of rules with which to show people before they click that contact button?
I wish you the best of luck, aag.
Ugh, trolls.
There are ways to screen people (or to not accept messages at all). I have to say I love OkC and met some of my favorite friends there. Dates have been hit and miss, but certainly better than the average population.
My favorite part is that the person no longer has an account. Def a troll.
So there’s a few tricks to leveraging okcupid:
First and foremost: SET YOUR MESSAGE FILTERS. Under “settings”, go to “messages”. Here’s where you get to set which messages are highlighted in your inbox (and generate an alert to your real email address) and which just sit there gathering dust. Set the minimum match filter at at LEAST 75%, probably more. Set a minimum age, a maximum distance, and a picture requirement. Then simply never, ever open an un-highlighted message unless you’re looking for fodder for a blog post.
Next, set up your “what I want” criteria, which is the next tab over. This will decrease the odds of you showing up on the home page of random goobers.
Last: turn IMs and “winks” the hell off: only idiots use either of them. If you get a notification that someone has added you to their favorites list before they ever correspond with you, immediately blacklist them.
Then enjoy! I really do think that OKC is pretty much the best site of its kind out there.
Oh, and while this (probably? maybe? dunno?) isn’t relevant to you personally it’s worth mentioning for the record: if you’re a woman looking only to meet other women, set your orientation status to gay, even if you personally identify as bi. Otherwise, you’ll still show up in searches by men looking for “women who like men”, and that’s pretty much a guarantee of a nonstop river of annoyance.
The “your” woulda been the deal-breaker for me.
I was salty about the “your” before I even got to the part about being raped half to death.
I was going to say the same thing!
I’ve not been on OK Cupid before. How did this prince get to be a 63% match with YOU?
Answering a hundred questions at random pretty much guarantees that you’ll be a >50% match with someone. If you’re a dedicated troll, you can set up a few ‘persona’ accounts where you answer questions in a specific way. (Also, OKC lets you set the importance of the other person’s answer to the question: I suspect that if you set all of them to “don’t care”, you’ll end up with higher match %ages with pretty much everyone.)
This is why I have an entire category on my blog dedicated to messages I receive on OkC.
I’ve actually had very good luck with the site, and have a date with someone that I met on there tonight.
I met someone pretty amazing there too. :)
Whoa, a dating site that has actual FILTERS? Despite your bad experience, I have to say that’s made me want to try looking for people on it. XD
How specific can you get with these filters? Can I screen everyone who calls me “mistress” before they’ve met me? ;)
Sadly, no — the filters are pretty basic. Age, location, match percentage, presence of a picture, gender, orientation, attachment status. Still, the match percentage filter is hugely useful: while it’s not guaranteed that nobody with a >85% match won’t be a drooling idiot, the odds are substantially reduced.
Drooling ijits need love too.
Yes, just hopefully not my love. :)
The actual filters are pretty simple. However, you can also answer questions with a rating from most important to least. So if, for instance you found a question asking “Is it ok to call a woman mistress when you haven’t been in a personal relationship?” you could specify that no one who matched you could answer this question in the affirmative.
OKCupid is also a totally free site!
I’m on Match.com. There is a man whose profile starts out with:
“Me? I’m not a rapist, but I think I have the wit of one.”
What. The. Fuck.
He does not have high standards, though. His only requirement is that his match does not suck. His turn-offs are “overuse of the word ‘lol’, smoking, being serious all the time, flakiness…. thats about it really – not much gets under my skin. Again, you not sucking is a major plus for me.” [sic]
I sent him a message because the part of me that has graded hundreds of college students’ papers screamed upon reading the rapist line.
I wrote:
“If you are meaning to indicate that you have a sharp wit, the correct term is ‘rapier,’ not ‘rapist.’ Rapist makes you sound like you belong on an episode of Law & Order: SVU. Rapier would make you sound intelligent, but would require changing your intro.
“Then again, you may just be imitating a quote from Dumb & Dumber. If so, that is *not* clear at all. Nor does saying you are not a rapist come off as sharply witty and/or charming. In saying you have the wit of a rapist, or rapist’s wit, it sort of seems like you think violence against women is funny. I do not think that is your intent, as the rest of your profile is humorous. ”
Match.com lets you see that your message has been read. The message I sent him has been read, but his profile is still the same.
Sigh. Wow. I’m just…wow.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Ya’ll are scaring me. i don’t think i want to date ever again. lol
Using the wrong “your” = instant turn off. No wonder he has a “ghost” profile (no pic). It’s amazing how the internet is a cloak with superpowers for cowards.