During the three hours that all my children are in school, I never turn on the television. I see no reason to mar the quiet with anything other than the tap of computer keys and the omnipresent hum of dishwasher or laundry.
And yet today I did; the little ones has left on their cartoon (a treat earned only when they manage to get ready for school without half-killing each other — in other words, very rarely) and I’d wrapped myself in a blanket on the couch before realizing that I couldn’t reach the teevee remote to turn it off. I could, however, reach the cable remote to change the channels, so I flipped through ’til I found something that seemed likely to play quietly in the background without causing too much attention leak.
I was wrong. I couldn’t tear my attention away as a set of young, first-time parents prepared their infant for bed on the night they got home for the hospital. My, that’s odd, I thought. They’re putting on their own jammies too. They’re getting into bed. They’re turning out the lights. Could it be that they actually expect to be able to go to sleep?
I could picture the crew LOLing to themselves as they filmed the weary parents getting up again and again and again to tend to their son, who had no intention of settling down for the night. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him!” the father moaned over a shot of a clock ticking past 3:32am. “We assumed he’d sleep through the night!”
Can they possibly be so stupid, I wondered, but before the thought was fully formed I realized that of course they could be so stupid. All first-time parents are so stupid; even when told point-blank that a new baby robs one of the ability to eat, sleep, bathe and eliminate in a timely fashion they will not believe you. They will always think that they can somehow do it better, that their baby will be different from all the other babies and will let his worthy parents carry on unaffected. Silly parents, I thought, watching the TLC couple grow frustrated with the dozenth diaper-change of the morning. Silly, stupid parents.
Then came time for the ending interview, wherein the new family poses before the cameras for some final pithy thoughts. “We will love him forever,” said the mother. Tears ran down her cheeks. “No matter what he decides to do with his life, no matter what choices he ends up making, we will always love him.”
And I cried too, because I hope that for that family it is true. So many other families make similar statements only to renege when it turns out their child’s decisions and choices are in conflict with their own. Would this family, confounded now by an infant who won’t sleep, be able to love a son who grows into the kind of person they never expected?
For his sake I most sincerely hope so.
Amen.
My daughter is growing into a person i can’t stand. But i still love her, and will always apologize when my anger gets the better of me and i say something i shouldn’t. She’s starting to act towards me just like her father did before i left him. i don’t love him anymore, but no matter what, i couldn’t stop loving her. Even when she totally disrespects me and i lose my temper, i still love her. i still can’t imagine a circumstance where i would not love her, even if she totally assimilates her father’s opinions of me and his mannerisms towards me.
I’m not going to get any love for this but here goes… I don’t know what it is but I see more and more accounts and assumptions that all new parents become shreds of who they once were, brought down to their knees by a tiny baby. It’s certainly entertaining, and for sure it feels good to know you’re not the only one when it sadly happens to you. But I do feel like I should point out that there are some of us who didn’t have that experience. The first year of life of my children is something my wife and I always remember with fondness. We were not exhausted like so many parents report. When baby woke up, I’d simply get baby, prop mommy and baby together to do their thing, then I’d put baby back to sleep and I’d go back to bed. I loved every minute of baby-parenting, day and night. Sorry.
I remember the first year of each of my babies’ lives with fondness too. Nevertheless, I was exhausted and shattered emotionally — especially by the first and last babies.
Maybe the difference is that you and your wife worked together while my partner and I really didn’t.
From my own experience, yes. Yes, the will love him with all their hearts even if he doesn’t turn out as the adult of their dreams. I don’t always like my grown child, but I always love him.
One can only hope…
I dunno… I have no kids and not much experience with them. I’d probably end up being the useless parent with no idea of what to expect making clueless comments. Hope not!
I would be LOLing too. Someone I know is pregnant, yet she recently complained about a new puppy because it kept her up at night. Some people…