Baby, you got dooced.
–a friend of mine
I went into the office dressed in my usual conservative garb of long sleeve shirt, long skirt, hair in bun, glasses and no makeup. I didn’t even get a chance to sit down. My boss immediately told me she needed to talk to me in private. The moment she said that, I prickled with horror. I feared this moment, couldn’t imagine it, and now, here it was. I knew my Clark Kent gig was up.
We sat down and she blurted angrily, “I need to let you go. Corporate office suggested I google employees. I typed in your name and it took me two seconds to find your website. How COULD you put that stuff out there? What were you thinking?! I feel like I’m talking to a 14 year old! We’re DONE.”
I was in a sound tunnel of shame, a total state of shock, my face was bright red. Practically speechless, I managed to utter, “I’m sorry.” She didn’t say a word, just glared at me accusingly.
There was no “this is too bad, you’re such a good worker, we liked you,” involved. Last week they liked me, and today they couldn’t stand to look at me. My lovely, warm, kind boss had turned the corner and was utterly disgusted with me. She looked at me as if I was a monster, like she didn’t want my tentacles to touch her.
It was swift and brutal. There was nothing to say. I know I disappointed her terribly. She wanted me out of her sight as quickly as possible. She took my keys and watched me clear my desk with her arms folded. Her eyes glittered with fury. She said coolly, “I’d appreciate passwords, if you are willing to share them.”
I felt awful that she would think I would withhold information out of spite. I told her of course I would email them to her. I also choked out that just yesterday we received a resume that would be worth considering for the position, and I would forward it to her.
I did feel for her – if she was looking for any dirt on me, I doubt she was prepared for the raw dog filth I spewed.
Sketch by Henryk Ptasiewicz
But that filth is my personal life and had nothing to do with my work performance. That filth was wrapped in inspiration and education. That filth helped so many people. In all that filth, there is something beautiful to behold.
That beauty is openness and honesty.
My friend compared me to dooce, the blogger who got fired from her job because of her website. Her advice to her readers is NEVER write about work on the internet. Except I wasn’t writing about work – I was celebrating my personal life, which is sexy, fabulous, and full.
The two things Americans most fear and/or loathe to talk about is sex and death. One contributes to the very beginning of life, and the other is associated with the end. Americans, especially in the Midwest, are not comfortable with either end of the life spectrum. Maybe th
ere’s a correlation to geographic location and lifestyle comfort level – the West coast is down with sex, the Midwest focuses on eating, watching sports, and going to church, and the East coast is more accepting of death, but plans to get their freak on just the same.
Yes, I feel ashamed and terrible, and I’m very sorry it turned out this way, but I have a clear conscience. I don’t believe I wronged my employer. I don’t associate my name or face with my blog, so it’s all anonymous (they found it through a freak social media glitch).
And this is the third time I’ve been through something like this. I hate to say it, but I’m used to it. I haven’t felt any anger like I did in previous scandals.
Instead, I feel sadness, anxiety, and fear.
I’ve had an outpouring of support from my friends, fans, and fellow sex bloggers around the world, and that has been extremely heartening. I know I’m surrounded by awesome good energy, and I want to harness it. From the bottom of my heart, I thank everyone who has reached out to me and expressed concern. I am fine in body, but rumpled in spirit.
Let me ask you this – what would you do in my situation? Have you been in the same boat? Should I kill TBK? Would that even matter with this tangled web we weave? Or should I “come back fast and fierce,” as someone urged me to do? How can I make a living? I know a lot of my friends in the sex industry display their face and real name, and they’ve acknowledged that once you go there, you can’t go back. They have limited their options, but they don’t regret it.
I love my rich and beautiful life, but I don’t really know how to LIVE in this society. Any tips on how to live are appreciated.
Much Love,
TBK
——
–TBK will be reading and responding to comments below. You can also send her a message (love at thebeautifulkind dot com) or find her on Twitter. I’d love it if folks reading this would come forward with support (and maybe even other opportunities). Share this post widely via Twitter and Facebook, please? –aag
TBK – I have followed you for some time. I’ll be honest here: I didn’t always understand your life, but I always respected your choice to live it in the way you chose. After having my own child a mere 14 months ago, your openess, honesty and communication with your daughter about life and sex has made me appreciate you in more ways than you will ever know. I strive to be that kind of open relationship with my son. Too many people overlook this aspect of who they think you are.
I have no real advice other than this: you have to be true to you. That is when I find myself to be the most happy and the most content. I hope you will keep me on a list and let me know what you choose to do in the future as I plan to support you being who you are, whether that is anonymous or exposed.
Thank you for your honesty. I am thrilled that being a mother has opened your eyes even more. You know, I AM open and honest with my daughter, but I haven’t had the heart to tell her that I lost my job & took my website down. She knows how important those two things are to me, and I think it would send her into a spin of anxiety. She’s very sensitive.
My dream is to be myself. If you can be yourself, then you are self-actualized. Hardly anyone in our culture gets to that point.
There is no excuse for an employer expressing anger when talking with an employee, much less letting one go. You should feel NO REMORSE about identifying your employer.
The only inhibition to identifying your employer should be concern that it will prevent you from gaining further employment in the future. The whole anger thing is totally inappropriate.
While I know that this does happen, it never ceases to infuriate me when it does. I am so sorry you had to go through this.
There is one thing that stood out to me, in your post where you said, “Her eyes glittered with fury.”
Gah. Who is this woman to presume the right to feel fury over YOUR personal life choices? Even though you live in a “right to work” state, I’d still advise seeking legal counsel. I too work in a “right to work” state, but being a “right to work” state doesn’t exempt employers from federal laws and regulations. In addition, the tendency of courts is starting to swing toward protecting the rights of employees who are fired for blogging about non work related activities that are not illegal. Even if you think you have no leg to stand on, consider at least consulting with an employment attorney.
Good luck!
Thanks for the advice. And who knows, maybe my former boss was furious because she was thinking of all the work she’d have to do replacing me and how she’d have to answer to upper management. I’d say it was quite a nightmare for both of us.
Hey TBK,
Why are you worried about making things difficult for your boss?! Where I come from (UK) her firing you in this manner would be illegal, you should listen to Dreamfalls advice.
Your name, face, and employer are never mentioned in your blog – I’m not sure what this social media glitch was but if your blog is usually anonymous, then there is no way you are bringing your employer into disrepute. (In fact her Googling you to dig up some dirt seems downright unethical, why do companies do this?) It’s ridiculous. But even though they are legally allowed to research you, firing someone for their sexual activity or beliefs is discrimination. Exactly the same as firing someone for being homosexual or being a of a certain faith. I’m sure even in America this is illegal!
So, from someone else lost their job recently (for other reasons!) – please fight this! People work to live, not live to work – and employers should not interfere in our private lives when we keep it private (or anonymous in your case). Don’t let your boss get away with bigotry and prejudice – you have nothing to be ashamed of!
Or perhaps she was jealous…? Either way – though your anonymity may be lost in the process, I think you are entirely justified in seeking a legal recourse over this. Hope you’re well – you have my full support. :-)
Thank you Puzzled – I SO agree with you – it’s downright unfair, but where I live you can get fired for any reason.
It IS discrimination. To me sex bloggers/workers fall below gays and above animals when it comes to rights. I think I’ll see gays get more rights and respect in my lifetime, I hope I see sex bloggers/workers gain strides, and I doubt I’ll see animals treated with the respect they deserve in my lifetime.
But TBK, you CAN’T get fired for anything. Employers aren’t allowed to discriminate against you for your personal life when it doesn’t involve them.
You were wrongfully terminated and I think you should fight, in the name of anyone who has had to go through this, or may have to in the future.
At-Will Employment is fucking TBK with a legal technicality. There’s really nothing she can do in terms of her dismissal. The ACLU is her best bet, since they use their overpowering ability to publicly badger “evildoers” down. Even then, there’s only so much bullying they can pull off.
I’m on TBK’s side, as are most (if not all) the posters on this page. Logic and legalities, on the other hand, are not. A dipshit move on her employer’s part, and shoddy privacy filters nailed her.
Oh, I almost forgot.
“hi butthole” – Unified Fazed Admirers
I’m so sorry. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t worry about this happening to me one day. You are a brave, brave woman, and you should be proud of yourself.
Thank you, Britni. Take Ken’s suggestions in these comments into consideration.
tbk, my sincerest regrets. I have read and enjoyed your blog, which I found through aag. This sucks.
I know you have a small child, and you are hoping to get another job in your community soon…so, this would probably be impossible…but in my current fantasy, you take this whole incident straight to the mainstream media, and “out” this woman and this company nationwide for the complete discriminatory idiots they are.
Then others would certainly come forward with their stories…it could lead to more awareness, and eventually (hopefully!) much-needed law changes.
EVERYONE has a private life, and NO ONE wants or needs to be judged at work for their completely separate, away-from-work lives.
That is a fun fantasy! You are right, that would damage my chances with other orgs, and I don’t want to impede my former job’s success. I really do believe in their cause.
I just hope they move on soon and I can find something else that works better for me. I’ve struggled a lot this past year and would love to have a steady paycheck + benefits. Don’t we all? :)
TBK, you are really one of the jewels of the internet. I don’t think your boss bothered to read deeper, because if she did and maybe put aside some of the scandalized feelings she’ll be able to see that your website was one that was warm, accepting, and deeply engaging and intellectual. You’re right, sometimes this society is very difficult to live in because the degree of openness that we are comfortable with and at times expect from people do not correlate with that of the majority of America.
But just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean we should stop trying. I see a world in the future where people would see past preferences and personal habits to truly embrace freedom and acceptance. We’re not there yet, and moving there is a struggle. I hope TBK stays up for somewhat selfish reasons. As a girl growing up and learning what it means to be a woman, an individual, a human being I have gained so much from your website. Knowing the mistakes that the average girl who is unsure, insecure, and somewhat afraid would make in life, remembering the mistakes that I have personally made because of lessons that are learned late, I am constantly struck by how many people your website can help. You’ll always be the beautiful kind. :)
Thank you Felix, that is so sweet, your comment means so much to me. You and Kate are right – I’d love to see things change in a more accepting way instead of the direction it seems to be heading.
I will take what you said to heart.
i forgot to add, NCSfreedom.org ,maintains the Kink Aware Professionals list. I would check there first!
I’m another one who has never seen your blog, and obviously I was disappointed when I tried to visit it just now and it wasn’t there, but I want to say that I think this kind of behaviour by an employer is appalling.
It seems to me that if someone is blogging under an identity deliberately separate from their public one, then it is a huge breach of privacy for someone to connect the two, roughly equivalent to spying on someone in their own home. (Incidentally a school here in Britain was recently taken to court for doing precisely that: they issued pupils with laptops, then remotely activated the webcams.)
And I know what a force for healing and growth blogs about sexuality can be, so I’m saddened that your employer took that attitude.
It does sound like unfair dismissal to me. All that’s relevant to an employer is whether you do a good job.
Sadly, in this case, the employer googled her real name, which came up with her site at TBK. The employer did not go looking for who TBK was.
Well in that case then it’s shaky grounds for dismissal – loads of crap comes up when you Google someone’s name – 90% of it is irrelevant. Especially if you’re a “David Smith” or other common Anglo-American name.
I have a rare name – but still upon googling me you would find I am responsible for a disaster at a power station in Eastern Europe (yes I’m the Polish Homer Simpson apparently!), and possible a relative of a famous tennis player, or a rock star. None of which is true unfortunately!
(Though maybe that’s why I’m finding it tough getting work, if they think I blew up some facility somewhere!)
Polish Homer Simpson – HA! Yes I guess it’s worse to blow up a facility than it is to have sex. I know you didn’t blow it up, and but I’m afraid I’m guilty as charged when it comes to having the sex.
Our most sincere condolences. :-(
I echo what’s already been said about losing your job… but one other thing really bugs me here: “I feel like I’m talking to a 14 year old!”
Yes, being open & honest about your sexuality…. pshaw! Like, totally immature!
[quiet sob]
I know, that really stung. Non-consensual humiliation.
TBK, I so feel for you and what you’re going through. Being a public servant, I’ve tried to keep my real identity wholly separate from my blogging identity but recently had an enemy buy URLs in my REAL NAMES (married & maiden names) and had them forwarded to my “secret” blog. I can only assume that they hoped that it would affect my job possibilities (which it may very well have, since I was looking for a job for 6 months with no bites) or in some other way hurt me. My child custody lawyer & my mother (though my mom is totally supportive) have tried to convince me to take my site down until after my custody battle is over. But here’s the thing: I. SHOULDN’T. HAVE. TO. The way I talk about sex, the way I use & review sex toys has NOTHING to do with the way I do my job or the way I raise my kids. The fact that being sexually open is looked down upon & discriminated against is absolutely ridiculous.
I really hope that you can recover from this road block quickly and come out the other side that much stronger.
JESUS some people are so MEAN. And you’re right – you shouldn’t have to. Reminds me of the time I was in a custody battle and my ex’s lawyer tried to use my Amazon wishlist against me in court. A LIST OF BOOKS I DIDN’T EVEN OWN. Meanwhile, my ex had several guns in his house. Hm, which is worse – guns or books?
*sigh* Gotta love the tactics of Doucheasaurus Exes. It was actually my ex who did the shit with my website.
Anyways, I wish you all the best, darlin’. Stay strong. :)
I cant believe this happen to you. I am SO SORY TBK. If I come across any work I will let you know for sure.
TBK,
I offer my deepest sympathy. There are employers here in the area (st. louis) which would not discriminate against someone because of their alternative life style. Especially, if they conducted themselves professionally. I am shocked any company would terminate an employee for something out of the realm of business like, your personal life!
Well, moving forward you can not change who you are. However, until the mindset of the midwest changes (probably not in our lifetime) additional layers of buffering will be necessary.
While, I have no doubt you have begun utilizing your contacts and various resources, I hope you will include me in that list. I’m here to help.
Thank you James. I hope I find a good fit with a company who can accept me for who I am. I’ve been very lucky to be surrounded by friends, family, a partner and daughter who do!
that really sucks – but i was happy to find you ok – I hate mean people!
I love TBK and have for a very long time. I understand the need to express yourself beyond what ‘real life’ will allow. I know this will work out for you. This is going to be a positive experience for you. I can just feel it.
I am tweeting and retweeting. Hope it helps.
NICE LEGS howabout a date babe?
Hi there,
I came upon your blog on the Come As You Are website, located in Toronto Canada and just read about what happened to you. I think that your outlook on the whole situation is scary-healthy! I sit here and I cannot help but feel complete and utter rage. I am a soon-to-be-graduate in the field of Sexual Diversity Studies and have experienced and seen my own fair share of sexual injustice….I am constantly baffled by THE SYSTEM and while I am with you when you say you don’t want to spend your energy duking it out in the courts, I wonder what else is there? Where do you seek recourse when someone else’s judgments, insecurities, and unhealthy sense of entitlement impedes on your financial and psychic reality? I am still trying to figure out how to negotiate society and unfortunately do not have an answer as to how to fix it other than what you are doing right now: building connections among like-minded people who share the same values!
Good on ya!
I am eager to continue building connections with like-minded people around the world!
I’ve never read your blog but I heard about your situation and really want to offer my support. I understand how wrong-footed it can make you feel when someone confronts you like that, but I wish you hadn’t apologized to your boss — I don’t see that you’ve done anything to apologize for. I think her reaction was completely inappropriate. What right does she have to look at you with disgust? She missed a huge opportunity to be a bigger person. I wish you the best.
I was so shocked by her reaction I could barely respond at all. I am not sorry for my website, but I am sorry that the discovery of it threw a wrench in the company’s progress. I was feelings such satisfaction helping them make a difference.
I’ve never read your blog, so I may have no right to even comment on this… but I read about your story on another blog (http://mocklog.typepad.com/queen_mediocretia/2010/05/scandal-in-saint-louis.html), and came across here to hear your own words. Another commenter there suggested that this would make a book; I take no credit for the suggestion, but I have to pass it along. There must, surely, be a book deal in this story. Go and look for it! ;)
I think this would be a great solution/path for me to take. I hope I make the right connections so it can happen!
America is simply SCARED senseless about Sex. ESPECIALLY when the sex in question is seen as different from so called mainstream puritanical society. Europeans laugh at Americans for issues like this. I remember all the laughter with the Monica scandal….
It’s no problem for American Television and Movies to exhibit mass killings, pogrom, violent content, but as soon as some breasts are shown…R Rated and its blasted for the content and news outlets like Foxnews run huge stories on the decline of the American society…….But Movies or stories about death and destruction? Go at it Hoss. It’s all fine and dandy. Killing, Violence OK….Sex…NO WAY.
Americans need to lose the Puritanical ways of thinking. It’s actually tragic.
I only wish I would of known about your site prior to this incident… I do hope you bring it back up.
Thank you, David. My WebMaster will be posting on update on my website tomorrow. I’m looking forward!
TBK,
I can’t imagine how you feel, but I cant help but wonder if this was ment to happen to you for bigger and better things. Im a silent reader on your blog, I love all your reviews, your stories, I think my favorite was when you had that row with the phone company, I was having such a bad day that day, and it never ceases to amaze me the love and warmth you pour out into your postings, and comedy as well.
I have always wondered why you weren’t a Sex Therapist, you fit the mold so well. Im studying to become one and I can honestly say I have never had my eyes more open to myself then any other time in my life. You are such a warm loving people person, who is already open and honest from the very first meeting, I just wonder if you would consider my opinion.
You never know, something can pop up soon, and you might go back to that rude woman and say thank you, she might have opened up so many new doors for you, the possibilities are endless.
Know that you have so many loving and adoring fans that we are here for you 100% and we miss you dearly.
-With much Love,
Danielle
Such wonderful thoughts, thank you for sharing. I would dearly love to thank my ex-boss someday for leading me to a place where I can be true to myself!
Tja!
Don’t have all the details, and don’t have the time to read all the comments/replies etc, but noticed you wrote…
“…this is the third time I’ve been through something like this…”
Can’t help wondering why a person would make the same/similar mistake 3 times…?
No judgement, I totally believe you should do what you gotta/wanna do, but after the first time, get a clue. Everyone knows you have to target your audience, and that internet identities are about as safe as the pope in afghanistan. If you wanna be out there on the net, choose a has-been celeb name as your alias, nobody ploughs through more than 10×10 pages from google/bing/etc… to find dirt on their employees/significant others/whatever…
(actually, my real name is david byrne, but try googling “david byrne” and see what you can find out about me… ;-D)
Good luck for the future, change isn’t always bad…
Vänligen
:-D
Good point, David. All three situations where I’ve been canned have different details, but they all happened for basically the same reason – for being a sexual, open-minded woman.
And yeah I’m thinking of changing my name to Mary Smith. :)
I was so sadden to read the story about what happened to you. You must feel violated in that someone as stepped into your pirivate life and made what you do for yourself such a public judgement. Few of us , especially those who love to do the judging, have things in our private lifes that could stand the full view of the public without raising someone’s disapproval. Those who judge should remember that bibcial statement about he or she who is without sin casting the first stone.
You are such a strong woman, who as overcome much, while it is hard to see now, I have every belief that you will come out of this stronger than before. Much love , Happygirl
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stranger. :)
Hi TBK. I’m so sorry about this. I’ve been warned by so many people to be incredibly careful about what I post on sites like Facebook, since it’s become common practice for employers to search for information about potential and current employees. I’m afraid that one day my tattoos might be an issue for employment, and while there are photos of them online, I hope that I’m wrong.
I don’t have any advice for you. All I can offer is a big cyber hug.
I hope to one day see your site up again, and for you to be gainfully employed at the same time.
Good luck.
Star
“I hope to one day see your site up again, and for you to be gainfully employed at the same time.”
That would be a dream come true!
Hi TBK. Comment 150 here I think. We have been following you for a while and were sad to see this unfold. Opinion number gazillion…I think if your ex-employer had been looking to keep your skills there could have been a conversation about – “Hey we don’t feel comfortable with the link on the web between us, you and your website. What can we do about this?” At least that could have been a conversation rather than a tempertantrum or throwing toys out of the cot (called a crib over there) aka firing you and making work and stress for all.
I’ve been fired for what I did in my own time – it sucks. Horribly. I maintained my dignity and I think you have too. While it doesn’t pay the bills in the meantime it bodes well for the future.
Kia kaha, TBK.
You’re reminding me of that scene in Welcome to the Dollhouse where Dawn Weiner reads her essay on dignity and why it’s an important quality to have. :)
This isn’t the scene but another gem from the movie
From a purely pragmatic perspective:
At this point, I think you have little to gain from removing your online presence; it’s a bit like closing the barn door after the horses have fled, the barn has burned down, and the site where it used to stand has been plowed over and turned into condominiums and an office park. The damage is done.
Instead, something to consider is that it is possible to be open about who you are and also find work in the “real” world. This is something I’ve done myself for the past ten years or so, and in all honesty, I believe that being completely open and transparent, and attaching my real name to all the sex blogging and writing that I do, has helped rather than hindered me in my mundane 9-to-5 life.
How? Because I never have to invest time and energy in trying to hide my identity, or worry about what might happen if an employer or client Googles me.
Not all employers are put off by an online presence like the one you have. The people who are put off by it will self-select themselves out of your potential pool of employers, leaving only those employers who don’t care and with whom you don’t have to worry about hiding your alter ego.
Yes, there are certain jobs you won’t be able to get. You probably won’t be able to become a public school teacher, or work for a conservative Fundamentalist church (though you may be able to run one…ahem, did I say that out loud?). If those are among your chosen career paths, you probably don’t want to listen to my advice.
But seriously, I’ve had remarkably few problems getting or keeping employment, even being totally up front about my online activities. It’s possible that some of it might have to do with the double standard applied to men and women; I don’t know, as there’s no way for me to conduct an experiment. But it also has been true in my experience that, even though a lot of people are sexually conservative, not *everyone* is–and indeed a surprisingly large number of employers really don’t care, so long as you’re not trashing your boss on your blog or publishing trade secrets or something. And the ones who don’t care are the ones you want if you wish to talk about sex online; no matter how careful you are, there’s always a chance that someone will combine your at-work and your at-home self. If your employer doesn’t care, it doesn’t matter.
For me, not having to keep the various spheres of my life separate and not having to look over my shoulder are more than worth the relative handful of companies that won’t hire me. Your mileage may vary, of course, but that’s what I’ve found.
Good luck!
aag pointed your comment out as a “must read.”
I’ve had a few people tell me something along these lines, but they don’t have a raw dog presence like I do, so it’s easier for them to pull it off. I went and checked out your site, and you really do put it out there!
I agree that there has to be a place for me out there. I want to put my site back up and be accepted for who I am. I figure my website is a known quantity and my job situation is unknown, so might as well start with what I’ve got and go from there.
Thanks for the good luck wishes – I’m going to need it!
As a wise woman once said:
“Be open and honest. Don’t be ashamed of your inner pervert. Work the kinks OUT.”
*good luck*
Randall Munroe says it far more eloquently than I ever could.
http://xkcd.com/137/
Let this be your mantra, your pole-star or both.
Peace out,
Anonymous
That comic is perfect. I dropped Munroe a line letting him know I was linking to it in my comeback post today, and he was super nice to write back and offer kind support.
[comment removed by admin]
I’ll take the liberty of reworking this comment:
You have a lovely day too, Mr. Commenter. Leave any more comments like this one and you can be sure that’ll I’ll take all appropriate actions.
Sincerely,
aag
WOW aag, thanks for having my back! It’s amazing how the internet is a cloak with superpowers for cowards.
I’ve had a sex blog for over five years. Two years ago, it was discovered by my ex-wife, who subsequently sued for custody of our children. It was a cynical move, as she claimed my bisexuality was a revelation and endangered our children; in reality, she has always known about my bisexuality, and has done nothing to prevent the children from being with her mother or her brother, both of whom are gay. Her pretense of homophobic outrage was a ploy in hope of persuading the State of New York that my bisexuality made me a bad father. One year of court dates and $200K in attorney fees later, she faced reality: the State of New York isn’t interested in my sex life.
My ex-wife’s discovery of my blog was my main anxiety in maintaining a public (albeit pseudonymous) sex life. While my blog has been very popular, when I began, I anticipated some possible backlash, perhaps from conservative anti-queer groups. That has never happened. The backlash that did happen surprised me…[Edited by admin. Sorry Jefferson; while I appreciate the support you're giving to TBK, the place for the rest of this comment is on your site, not mine. --aag]
Being public about sex comes with risks. It is entirely unfair that you lost your job, TBK. It is unfair that my ex tried to take my children, and it is unfair that tawdry gossips attacked me. Even faced with these risks, we shouldn’t succumb to bullies. Our writing does open dialogues and create new spaces for sexuality. I hope that you are able to find new employment and continued success as a writer.
$200K????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m sorry you went through that stress and hardship. I had a custody battle myself a while back where they tried using my Amazon wishlist against me. I’m glad the state of NY doesn’t care about your sex life. The state of MO cares a little too much about mine. Maybe because I’m female? In bible belt? Trying to loosen that belt, wish me luck! Now I’ll check out your blog.
No worries, aag. I have written about the attacks against me on my blog; interested readers can find coverage at http://www.onelifetaketwo.com.
I find it ridiculous when employers think that an employee’s personal life is any of their business. Unless it’s affecting the quality of their work, it should be completely off-limits.
I feel for you. I hope it doesn’t make you censor yourself or shut down something that is obviously a creative pursuit for you.
The utter prudishness of “main stream” America will never cease to sadden me. I was literally refered to your website for the first time today by someone I love and respect very much and… It was gone. A little digging and I realized how very special you – and y extension your blog – really are. A little more digging and… This…
As someone who wishes very much to be a fan in the future, I genuinely hope that you do not walk away. You have a voice that should be heard, knowledge that should be shared, and a beautiful life that you should live as you see fit. I think that – as long as the glitch has been cleared up – you should move forward to find another job, but maintain the log. That might be a reflection of my selfish desire to read and learn, but I truly believe that it is possible to have it all in your case.
The comments above – and likely those that will come below – this one show support and love. You make good decisions, ones that are right for you. Continue to do so – and remember that you are wonderful, just the way you are!
Thank you! I’m glad my site is back up so you can explore it. I’m looking at all these comments again and recharging on all the positive vibes. xo
The American Taliban strikes again, attempting to bring yet another thought-criminal to heel. I’m always amazed at how some people can argue economics and politics from a set of conclusions (eg. that people are rational actors) when the simplest observations of daily life will bring up examples, like this one, of the absolute insanity so many people carry with them on a daily basis. I often wonder how much of our society spends every moment on the knife-edge of the screaming crazies – some days, it seems that an estimate of 99% is itself a delusion of optimism.
I’m very sorry for this injustice you’ve suffered at the hands of a deranged control-freak, TBK. Were it me, I’d seriously consider setting a contingency-based bulldog loose on her, if only to give her the sharp whack on the nose that the sub-rational require to understand what behaviors are unacceptable. In any case, there’s absolutely no reason for you to feel ashamed.
Oh TBK, sending you big hugs. I’ve been a follower for a little over 18 months. You’ve taught me a lot, and helped me to embrace my ‘inner goddess’. You have given me personal advice via email and even some of your local friends & other bloggers have reached out to help me through your comment section. You have an amazing network of people standing behind you.
I don’t have any advice for you other than to just continue to be the astoundingly intelligent, beautiful, hot sexy mama you are. I admire your strength & your honesty. I hope your blog comes back soon, you are missed!
Thanks to aag for giving you this outlet. She’s awesome!
YES aag is awesome. She was nice to foster me while my site was down.
I’m excited for you to check out my free ebook about goddessy stuff, it comes out early July!
Oh stop. :)
I’d never heard of your blog before, but when I read the news, I looked up some of your columns, the call girl and surrogate stuff. You’re a good writer and have an unusual frankness and perspective about all this stuff. I remember some London doctor maybe, who wrote about her experiences as a call girl to put herself through school. This sounds similar, and I think would be an interesting read, if you wrote a book on it. I hope you do. Good luck to you.
But others have already said this. I wanted to second their opinion, but also add one that I don’t see represented here. I don’t think you should out your employer. It could hurt their mission, which you believe in, and make you look vindictive. Most folks here are suggesting you out these folks, but I think this group is more attuned to your material and lifestyle than the public at large, which might find it perfectly understandable that a non-profit would worry about a potential association with the author of a sexual-themed blog. Non-profits survive on donations, or government funding, or whatnot, and they have to be careful not to stir up unhelpful controversy. I know it was unintentional on your part to connect your blog to your real name, but it happened, and cannot be undone. They had to respond to this in a way that best protected their mission. It is just a fact of life, not a dagger aimed at your heart, though it may not look that way to you at the moment. I think you can move forward into new opportunities now that embrace who you really are.
Yes Laura, I agree with your comment 100%. It’s unfortunate and behind me. I want to stay helpful, not hurtful. I need to look forward and focus on positive. Easier said than done some days, but I’m feeling it right now. :)
My site is back up and I’m checking up on the comments I missed here, thanks again everyone! Now you can see what you’ve been missing all your life. http://thebeautifulkind.com/
Moving forward, wish me luck!
I don’t think you should feel bad about your site. There are too many people around here who are very offended by even the smallest amount of sexual expression. My recommendation is to move out of the midwest. You might find a place where you fit in better.
Look in to suing Twitter for loss of wages. If they made a mistake that caused you to lose your job, it’s THEIR fault.