Being so abnormal in other regards, it’s hard for me to tell what’s typical in any sense of the word, but those in the know (for example, my shrink) say it’s not normal to work eighteen-hour days for a week running only to wake up one morning with barely the energy to budge from the couch for the next three days.

Er, really?

She furthermore says it’s not normal to be stressed out to the point that my entire body vibrates and the only thing that serves to soothe me is the complete unconsciousness of a two-hour nap.

Huh. I was not aware that other people didn’t do that so much.

In any case, I am now in possession of a bottle of the eenie-weeniest little white pills I’ve ever seen. They will work, so says the doctor, by moderating the extreme mood swings (up! down! up again! crashing! soaring! can’t fold the laundry! clean out every closet in the house in the space of one evening! sleep for 13 hours!) while not adding to the ever-present depression.

Cool, I said. Are there any side-effects?

“It’s very safe,” she told me. “Except for the one person out of every 9,000 who experiences a particular reaction,” the details of which she then explained in exquisitely vivid detail.

Are you fucking kidding me? I asked, only in not quite those words. Is this the best you can do?

She’s known me for eight years and takes none of my outbursts very seriously. “Years ago,” she said, “the way they dealt with these things was to wait until the client was on the verge of suicide before trying any medicines because they all carried a significant risk of death.” I chewed that over while she went on to discuss electroshock therapy and this charming procedure. I see, I said. I guess the potential side effects of this really aren’t so terrible.

Now I just need to watch out for my skin sloughing off. No problem! I can do this!

Right?

During the last few weeks with my old host I amassed an insane number of spam comments. Hundred of them per day grabbed hold of my moderation queue with a vigor that would not budge despite layers of various and sundry spam-blockers and the most judicious application of the “IP ban” button.

The old host intimated that hacking could have been the reason for my inexplicable overages. Perhaps the excessive spam should have been a warning?

In any case, I eventually came to accept the presence of comment spam into my life — nay, I even came to embrace it. I mean really, how could you do anything but when each day brought wave after wave of such charming little missives as these:

Intimately, the post is in reality the freshest on this laudable topic. I agree with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your next updates. Saying thanks will not just be adequate, for the extraordinary lucidity in your writing. I will directly grab your rss.  –You’ll grab my what?

Only wished to drop you actually a line to allow you know you have quite a few authentic fans in existence. –That I do, and I am thankful for them every day.

Is it possible for me personally to follow anyone in MySpace? –Yes you can, but you really shouldn’t.

Cam girls: Why are they so hot and all from Russia? –They are?

Well, it seems as if you have got the legitimate core of the position in the current situation. While others appear to have neglected the all important thought of it, what was put forward prefatorial is illuminated in addition to being on the nose. I am avoiding supposing that I concur on every one of the details; all the same, you have rendered me cause to pause and think of numerous of the tips that I conceived that I held as truehearted beliefs in that attentiveness….(three more lines of blah blah blah edited out)…Strongly said, and time for someone like myself to think a some more on a couple of some of most important points. All At Once it is clear it is clear that you have have added a Little More Thought to the World. –And so have you my friend. So have you.

I’m not drawing any conclusions yet, but I will note that in the short time I’ve been at this host not a single spammy message has sullied the comments. Is it too soon to hope that I’ve outrun the invaders?

If you stopped by yesterday you probably saw in this space a suspension page put up by my old webhost. Apparently I was a naughty, naughty blogger and went over my limits in ways that a mere mortal cannot even grasp, the upshot being that they gave me the choice of upgrading to a hella-expensive VPS or leaving.

I left, and for a few hours roamed without shelter in the digital void. Finally I was taken in, given a warm drink and set back to rights with a new host. Even now my toes are thawing and my misanthropic little heart is warmed by the gracious messages of support I’ve received from hither and yon.

Thank you innernetz. I appreciate it.

Some might consider the threat of information loss to be a pain too heavy to bear. I’m attempting to think of it as a chance for renewal, a way to slip free from the burdens of a too-bloated system and a prod toward even greater future accomplishments. Or maybe that’s just the early hour and the caffeine talking.

In any case, please to bear with me as the ashes are swept up, and if you would be so kind as to leave me a comment below saying in essence that you love me regardless of any webhost shenanigans, I would be ever so grateful.