Like feminine hygiene, household upkeep and mobile phone plans, parenthood in reality is far less rosy than television commercials would seem to suggest.
This fact knocked me sideways immediately after my first-born arrived, when I discovered that there was simply no time to consult the baby book about the child’s excessive crying because of the child’s excessive crying. It continues to surprise me even unto this very moment as I write with a snacking girl on my lap (she’s under the impression that I need to smell her cheese; I’m thankful that this is not a euphemism), a cat purring on my arm (at thirty-second intervals he alternates between presenting me with a fish-whiffy nose and his fuzzy buttons), a slumber party going on its fourteenth hour in my basement (it finally broke up after a record-busting 28 hours), all while wearing a shirt spotted with little-boy vomit.
(To all those I’ve encouraged to remain child-free: I’m glad I can serve as an auxiliary means of birth control. You’re welcome.)
Call me naive, but I honestly expected more sun-drenched moments of snuggling chubby necks, more fresh flowers offered up by neatly dressed wee ones with clean faces, more walking hand in hand through gently waving grasses while my offspring hung on each wise word which passed my lips. While a few of those episodes have certainly happened, they’ve been far outweighed by things regurgitated, thrust into my face or stuck on the back of my shoulder when I’m not looking and then noticed by the stocker in the grocery store (not that this ever happened to me).
So when I watch others contemplate parenthood I just can’t wait. I can’t wait to see how they handle the never-ending challenges, the never-ending busyness, the never-ending grime.
I bet they manage better than I have.
It is hard, I know it well, although not as well as you do, with a 18 month old and a 3 1/2 yr old, both boys. It’s a constant run, and things feel like they never can get done. You clean a room, you interact with the kids, you go clean another room, and the first room is worse then it was when you cleaned it by the time you get back.
But every morning i see their smiling faces, be it the little ones coo’ing of “Da-Diee!” or my oldests “Me want cereal please”, i can’t help but to smile bigger, and thank everything that allowed them to be in my life.
Some people may never want to experience it, but i for one am blessed. They grow on you *laughs*
better? eh parenting isn’t a competition. sure there are things that people do to their kids that DO make total failures at parenting, but other than that I think if your kid grows up to be healthy, and happy with the choices that they make in life we’ve done our jobs pretty well.
You’re doing fine as a parent. It will get a little easier as they grow but then they become teenagers. May the Gods help you.
You’re doing fine. You care. You’re making a big effort. You let your daughter eat cheese with you while you write. There are no perfect parents, but you are doing what you can. Also, you think about the type of parent you are, which is a huge step.
I’ll swap you cheese, marathon sleepover, puke and cat for the minefield of high school subject choices that we are currently navigating and all the stresses that come with.
What kind of school won’t allow a fairly bright kid to do 2 languages or 2 social sciences or 2 sciences? Welcome to Scottish secondary education!
PS aag – you are doing a fine job xxx
“I bet they manage better than I have.”
Betcha they don’t.
And I say that not for lack of respect for Amber and Rusty, who I think are going to be great parents, but out of respect for you, AAG, because you’re also a hands-down, no-question-about-it great parent.
I’m also pretty confident that in retrospect you’d be surprised how many moments of cheek-snuggling, flower handing, and hand-holding walks there turn out to be. But you’ll also be surprised (as I was) how amazingly full of all the other stuff (see trying to look up Settling Your Crying Child in Dr. Sears while trying to settle your crying child) parenting is also full of.
The only mistake anyone ever makes is falling for it when the 24/7 cultural megaphone claims you can have one without the other.
figleaf
p.s. the two most important parenting tips ever come from two extremely different sources and relate to two surprisingly related dimensions of parenting. First, Dr. Spock said “you know more than you think you know.” The other is the Biblical “you who are without sin cast ye the first stone.”
I’ll bet you 2 to 1 they don’t. Few find the time to judge themselves so honestly as you appear to do while also being able to just get on with the parenting as you also appear to be doing. Not everyone gets that raising something means stepping and letting it… you know… rise.
Bree
You’ve done a wonderful job so far, if your past experiences are any indication, AAG. Keep it up, through the storms and sunshine alike. One day, when I have kids, I hope I’m as good a parent as you.
I’ll keep you posted, but I’m w/ Figleaf, I think you’ve done a helluva job and you shouldn’t sell yourself short. And meanwhile I’ll be selling MYSELF short and all the damn time because that’s what I do best!
We are peas in a pod in that respect. Get ready for the cheese-sniffing. :)
You just have to wait for the good stuff – it’s called being Grandma – all rosy cheeks and smiles. And when you get an inkling that the whining and puking are about to begin you hand them over to their parents and leave! Love it, love it, love it!
I find you to be a constant source of wisdom, though I am childless. I read your blog whenever I can, hoping that I will learn something, knowing that you are just as lost as the rest of us. Thank you, for posting through your busy schedule, your kids, and your lover. Thank you for taking the time to save my life.