The other day I received this email from my dear friend:
You remember that super-cute Lelo vibrator you gave me about a year ago? The one that was awesome and I love?
I keep it upstairs in my little studio for occasional special alone time, and for the sake of convenience, I “store” it behind the cushions of my couch. Fine. Terrific. Good times for me!
Except that my husband’s mom has nothing to do and comes to our house once every couple of weeks or so to clean things *apparently for the sheer novelty and fun of it* while his dad does house repairs and, I dunno, monitors our siding and the beaver situation near our stream. Who knows what he’s up to. It’s bizarre and is a thing they’ve been doing since way before I came on the scene. My husband–an only child, obviously–has become increasingly annoyed at their presence in our house, although it is nice to see that the dishes have been washed and put away, albeit often in the wrong places.
So I think you can see where this is going. His mom was puttering around in my studio, which I had always kind of assumed was off-limits to her. Well, everything changed a few days ago, when she apparently saw the need for a complete overhaul. She reorganized my desk and went so far as to vacuum my couch and chair…and discover my vibrator and put it I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE. It is gone.
And now I am asking myself questions like, If I were my mother in-law, and I discovered a rogue vibrator, where the exact fuck would I put it??
Hm, I wrote back. Perhaps she put it in the trash? Or in the bathroom? Or you could, I suppose, ask her where she put your prescription phlebitis prevention device?
Dear reader, if you were my friend’s mother-in-law, where would you have stashed her vibe? Please leave answers in the comments below so that my friend will be able once again to enjoy the special alone time we all periodically need.
I would have put it right back where I found it. . . That’s like someone rearranging my desk. I know where everything is on it. You start moving things around and I’m lost! ! !
Perhaps it’s been absconded with for nefarious purposes. We can dream, right?
In the bedroom possibly? Like in the bedside table?
Two words: kitchen utensils. Happy hunting!!!
Could she have borrowed it? It might miraculously reappear when she’s finished trying it out.
In the bathroom? What a fun conversation that be with mummy in law. LOL!!! “Soo um.. in your travels of cleaning the off limits of my studio. Did ya happen to come across umm.. something.. that didn’t belong in the COUCH?
If anything maybe she inadvertedly helped stop mum from cleaning anymore!
take a good, long look at your father-in-law, if he is smiling, you KNOW she stole it for herself! HA!
Wherever one would put a massage device… I’m going to gamble on living room. By the TV.
Do you have any pets? My bunny rabbit chewed through my Rabbit vibrator once when I had carelessly left it on the floor near my bed. I was distraught, not only had an expensive piece of equipment been ruined, but I was worried the rabbit would choke on the rubber !! (p.s. it’s fine and I bought a new one)
The vibe is fine and you bought a new bunny? :)
I’m going with her borrowing it.
Toys go in the toy chest. Duh. :D
Knowing my MIL she would find this item and assume that with toys so close at hand her son might not be getting the attention he deserves…your MIL seems like the doting type too. I bet she through it away with “best intentions” for her son.
Ha. If it were me, and I couldn’t discover my toy after much searching… I’d ask right out. Have an extremely blunt, impromptu sex ed and etiquette conversation right there. Which would deeply embarrass the mother-in-law… but it sounds like she needs a wake-up call!
I completely agree with you. The nosiness and overstepping of boundaries should be punished in an appropriate way so as to avoid similar incidents in the future. I have had to do similar things when my father has pried into my adult time.
She put it in the toolbox or workshop if there is one.
This because it serves the dual purpose of pretending it isn’t what it is as well as subtly making her son aware that he isn’t involved in all the personal stuff that occurs in the household.
And she should learn where her BBs ( busybody boundaries ) are.