Imagine for the sake of argument that you live across the street from a large apartment building which for the past (let’s just say) six years or so has been afflicted with an extraordinary number of fires.
Luckily, the scope of the fires is small, or at least as small as can be expected from something as inherently dangerous as flames and burning wood. In no small part the damage has been kept to a minimum because of the efforts of the neighbors, who have rushed in time and again at the first sign of smoke. “Let us call the fire department,” they murmur to each other, and within moments uniformed defenders do what they can to bring people and property to safety.
There’s no one single action that even if palatable enough to be embraced by all in the building would guarantee that the fires would stop. None of the fires are anyone’s fault; or perhaps they are everyone’s fault. But fault or no, so many fires eventually wear everyone down. The firefighters get antsy and wonder how much of their time can or should be spent on only one building. The neighbors tire of too-frequent wakings. Compassion, in short, begins to run thin.
I try studiously to live in the realm of what is, not what should be or what I wish could be. While I have no plans to change my stance on reproductive freedom (in all its forms), lately I’m having a hard time not wishing that things would have gone very differently for my children’s mother.
Because these constant fires? They are wearing me out. They are wearing everybody out.
Love the analogy. Beautifully written. It’s only natural you would feel worn down. Emotional fires are the worst.
no freedom (including reproductive freedom) is free. There is always a price to be paid, the idea being that freedom is worth the price.
Hang in there. Maybe one day she’ll see the consequences of her decisions.
I’ve long admired how you’ve stepped up to the plate, so to speak. Many wouldn’t have had the courage and fortitude to do what you have done, and continue to do.
It’s tough, I believe in reproductive freedom, too. But I think the key to preventing more “fires” in this case lies in figuring out what will motivate this woman. I don’t know her, but I don’t think she would keep doing this, keep putting herself through this, however painful, if she weren’t getting something out of it.
Is there anything that can replace this particular experience for her? She gets pregnant, gets lots of attention, and provides the greatest gift of all–life–to a new little human and to the new little human’s adoptive parents.
Is there anything, anything at all, out there that can possibly make her feel important, and needed, besides this? Anything?
I have a friend…well, an ex-friend..who IS, truly, addicted to having babies.
The details of the story are complicated, but bottom line she has had 4 of her 8 children via IVF. She was completely devastated, absolutely convinced that her life was over, and she would be miserable and hopeless forever, if she could not have a 9th child (this try for the 9th had already taken 3 IVF cycles). She was depressed, obsessed, crying constantly…her pain was real.
Our friendship ended when I told her the truth of what I thought, and that I did NOT support her choice to try for a 9th child and I did NOT believe that her happiness was dependent on her ability to produce a 9th child. I said I did have sympathy for her suffering from an addiction, and I urged her to get counseling and try to find out what the *real* issue was.
We haven’t been in touch for 4 years, she moved& I have no idea what’s become of her, but like you…I just couldn’t deal with anymore fires.
wow… ‘learn something new every day.
Not sure what it is yet but reading this sent a chill up my spine… I have come to recognize this feeling when I hear something true.