She would have been allowed to stay up at least an hour later but for a melt-down triggered by an uncooperative storage box and (more importantly) extreme tiredness. I asked that she lower her voice, fearing that the outburst would awaken her siblings. She declined to comply. “I can’t do it!” she shrieked. “I hate this stupid toy!”
My eyes went wide. As charming as I might have found her company throughout Survivor I could not let such churlish behavior pass unnoticed. “Straight to bed,” I said, and so brusque was my manner that she knew there was no use in trying to protest. As I heard nothing more from her I assumed that exhaustion overcame her the second she pulled up the sheet.
But when I came to bed at midnight I found resting on my pillow a folded square of paper and a pencil. Dear Mom, it began, except that the “o” was in the shape of a heart:
I’m sorry about the way I acted before. I just got so mad with the toy not fitting into the box. I swore an oath to myself that I would never do anything like that ever again. I will try to control my eternal anger with boxes! (Boy I don’t like those things!) Anyway, I really do love that toy (it’s one of my favorite presents!).
Anyway, could you please, please, please, please (taking breath here) please accept my apology. Please. I just felt really guilty. I mean, I get to have my friends over this weekend and then I pitch a HUGE fit over a box? That sounds like I’m a spoiled brat (and I am not, you know it). Anyway, please accept my note, bad humor, and my apology. Please write back on the other side of this sheet. Love you.
PS. I love you.
P.P.S. I guess I was pretty tired.
“Your Very Lucky Mom” I signed my response before tucking it between her clock and tissue box where she’d see it first thing in the morning. To encourage her to continue the never-ending practice of taking responsibility for one’s ill-temper, apologizing, then trying to do better in the future, I bought a small notebook and installed in on a shelf in the hall between our rooms. “Write to me anytime,” I told her, “and I’ll always write back. We can discuss anything you’d like.”
Inch by hard-won inch she matures. There may be hope for this child yet, I think, and her eternal anger with boxes.
Oh man that is so cute and funny and definitely a keeper to show her someday when she’s an adult.
The notebook is a wonderful idea because sometimes things are easier said in the silence of written words and read in privacy.
Okay, that might be the cutest thing I’ve read in a really long time. She’s a smart one, too! And maturing quite well, I’d say.
And the notebook is such a good idea. I had a great relationship with my mom growing up, but that idea is something I would have loved.
I hope one day to get a note as sweet and insightful as that. It kind of made me cry a little–in a good way.
Thanks for the idea, aag! My daughter is a lot younger than yours i think (she’s 9), but i really believe she’d do well with a notebook like that. There’s so many things i can see she wants to share with me, but that she feels like she can’t for one reason or another. Perhaps not having to vocalize them will make it easier.
i also love that your daughter is aware enough of herself to have written that lovely note. You are doing a great job, mama!
If I ever get an affirmation as good as that of my job as a parent I will count myself lucky.
I am so stealing that idea of a note book.
what JB said…
Awwwwwww!
You seem to have a wonderful daughter – good job!
Awwwww!! I love that she can express herself to you even through writing. That’s wonderful!
Fantastic story for starting the week! Thank you!
I teared up. I’m such a mush with this stuff. <3 for you and your fam.
aag, keep that note and whenever you doubt your parenting abilities, read it. You are obviously doing an incredible job of being a mother.
what Nitebyrd said….
She sounds like she has the same acerbic wit as her mother :)
That’s really cute, and it’s good to hear that she’s growing up little by little.
Come back and read this (or the note) any time you feel like you’re failing as a parent. Clearly you are not. At all.
what Finn said…
Too precious!
i love the notebook between the rooms. i think that ensures the communication to continue between the two of you. i don’t know how old your daughter is but the way she writes tells me she has her mom’s talents.
i really wish i had that kind of communication with my mother so i am sure your daughter will appreciate having that with you.
good luck.
DG
big Big BIG SMILE
That made me laugh and cry at the same time. For as young as she is (10,11?), she expresses herself very well. She also shows a maturity (eternal anger and all) not often seen in one her age. You are a very lucky mom. :-)
She seems like an awesome person. That note shows a self-awareness and respect for others that I often see lacking in people twice her age. And that fact that you took her note seriously and decided to take action to promote future communication shows that you’re a kick-ass mom. :)
what QP said…
And I also say, You have a Wonderful Daughter,, and She has the Best Mom there is…never doubt this.
Thank you for a lovely idea – even though my two are years away from this, it’s getting tucked away as a method to help me better relate with them. I hope I do as well as you.
I third (fourth?) the idea of keeping the note and re-reading when you are worried that you are not doing well at parenting.
You have WONDERFUL children, this is just a testament to that.
Wow, didn’t you say she turned 10 not too long ago?
That’s such a well written note with such a good understanding of her behavior and how it affects others.
I guess writing runs in the family then… =)