I have a cartoon from the New Yorker.
First panel: a man working at his computer.
In his thought balloon, he sees himself playing golf.

Second panel: the man playing golf.
In his thought balloon, he sees himself having sex.

Third panel: the man having sex.
In his thought balloon, he sees himself working at his computer.

I clipped and saved the cartoon.
Maybe I should frame it…

Thank you to aag and her thoughtful commenters for giving me something to think about today.

Before I became a mother, I looked back on my childhood and distinctly decided that I would NOT make the same ‘mistakes’ my own parents had. And then, seemingly with the birth of my first child, all notions of what I would be as a mother went out the window. Because, you see, parents are human. Humans are not perfect. Mistakes are made…were made. However, I turned out pretty well. So maybe, those mistakes weren’t so awful. Perhaps they got more right than wrong. And those mistakes I was sure NOT to repeat, well, I may not have repeated those, but I have gone on to make my own errors. I do know that I get more right than wrong. How do I know? Because my children are happy, and they know how to love and how to be loved. They do good and sweet things…a reflection of myself. So, when I find it difficult to like me, I look at the mirror that is my children, and I am able to find beauty.

So let the voice continue to speak, so that you may see ways of improvement and also the beauty of what REALLY is. The voice is human, too…and she can make mistakes as well.

carolynn

And then I ask myself, too, at what age can children reasonably be expected to remember certain things? Certainly it’s different for every child. My oldest daughter, who had ADD, has to be reminded probably 20 times on average before she remembers to do something on her own. My son (who is two years younger than her) remembers things, on average, after about the 5th time. My oldest still doesn’t remember to flush the toilet about 50% of the time (at least at home, I’m not sure about when she’s out), but my son remembers 99.99% of the time. My oldest will be 10 years old in June. I just don’t get it.

I honestly feel like a major part of the problems I see in the kids I work with at the high school is that they are not expected to do anything for themselves at home. I’m sure that they do things like flush the toilet, but I was doing my own laundry by the time I was in high school, and I was expected to keep the common area of my parents’ house in decent shape and free of my clutter. I helped out with cleaning house on weekends. But it’s like parents have taken the guilt of not being able to spend time with their kids like they want to and translated it into doing everything for them to try and make up for it. I could boil water and cook simple meals by the time I was in high school. One kid I worked with one day told a story that she thought was funny about how she almost burned down the house trying to boil water. She’s 16! My 9 year old can boil water (with supervision) and make ramen noodles or macaroni and cheese.

And with that, I’ll end my rant and self-recriminations.

That’s why I love your blog. It brings out the Psychology major in me and pokes me in the brain, and in the heart. And it reminds me that I’m not alone in making mistakes as a single mother. And that not everything I do is going to turn out wrong or cause my kids to grow up and hate me (I hope!)

You are a fantastic mother. And prove it all the time.

peace…

Good for you to tame the beast today.