Quite clearly I am the worst blogger ever, having over-scheduled myself with various projects of a blog design, porntastic and kinky film festival nature.
May I placate you with this post fetched from the three-and-a-half year old depths of my long abandoned Blogger blog? It’s even illustrated with a custom graphic made by a friend, the wonderful (and dearly missed) Artful Dodger.
Please forgive the apparent sloth. I assure you that I’m really not as lazy as it might appear.
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I bet you could guess this already, but I’ll spell it out plain-like:
I drive a minivan.
That makes me the coolest woman ever, now doesn’t it?
I resisted the mini for a long time, but after the birth of the latest child, there simply was no other option, short of tying the stroller, my purse, and any extra passengers to the roof.
As I drive around in the mini, my mind wanders out of the realm of reality and into the realm of All Things Sex. The other day, it occurred to me that the mini could actually be a quite-nice SexMobile, with a few minor modifications.
The back seats would have to be flattened, of course. All accessories would have to be left at home. No one wants to get poked in the ass by a stroller wheel, I’m sure. A disco-ball hung above the way-back could also be welcome, I think.
But then comes the question of how best to fornicate in the back of a mini. My friend and I were discussing this the other day. I opined that the best way would be for the back door to be opened and the man to stand outside; the woman would lie on her back with her bottom just on the edge of the mini’s floor, her legs up over her partner’s shoulders.
He suggested an approach where both partners could stay within the confines of the van. Bah, I say. How dull.
Has anyone out there actually done the dirty deed in the back of a minivan? How’d you do it? Any other ideas for the best way to get your van a-rockin’?
I have actually. We just took out a row of seats and both lay down. also doggie style on a seat works pretty well.
Me and first wifie had a mini van. It was a custom van with the dark tinted windows in the back. You could only see in from the front windshield. We had kids at the time and never really had alot of love making time, plus we didn’t have a lot of extra money for rooms and such.
When we had an opportunity, we would start the van arockin.
Memorable times:
Once in a parking garage after a nfl game. As she was grinding on top of me, a guy walked in front of the van to relieve himself.
Once in a 24 hour shell station parking lot.
Even though we were always hidden in the van, once when we were dating, I had her from the rear as she was bent over the hood of my Ford Maverick. We were on a hardly traveled road.
I miss sex with wifie 1 sometimes.
My wife and I flattened the back seats into a nice davenport type of seat. It was quick, brutish, an shorts but so satisfying.
Then another time, it came in real handy at the drive-in theater. Just some great sex. Never saw a movie each time we were there.
Now we’re all executives in the land of no fun. But I have the memories.
Can’t executives have fun in minivans? :)
When I read Mini I am thinking of a Mini Cooper not a minivan but that obviously doesn’t work quite as well for sexcapades.
Let me count the ways to Do The Dirty Deed in a short-wheelbase cargo-conversion Astro (which has since expired from old age):
1) Missionary with (custom) back seat folded flat
2) Cowgirl
3) Reverse Cowgirl
4) Spider Web
5) Saucy Spoon
6) Linguini
7) In the middle row captain’s chair, the Couch Canoodle
Then, there’s what Bill Clinton said wasn’t sex…
Spider Web? Linguini? You’re making those up!
:)