SJ, you are totally fucken amazing:
“Would you…could you be more of a father to her?”
“Yeah, I can,” he said.
I rattled on about how great I thought their relationship was, and how I felt he had never overstepped. I said how I see Franny watching him really care for Strudel, really fathering her, and I could see the longing. A witness to what having a father is like at both houses, and not really feeling it for yourself.
“I don’t know what you can change. Maybe hug her more and tell her you are proud of her and stuff,” I said. I know he is proud of her and he does tell her. “Does this all sound horribly fake?”
“Well,” he said. “You fake it until it becomes real.”
This sounded harsh to me for a second, until I thought about when I met Franny. Jesus Christ, I thought, what was I supposed to do with this baby I had pooped out? I don’t even KNOW you, I wanted to say. Who are you? I kissed her head and hugged her and joggled her and talked to her so she wouldn’t grow up to become Charles Manson, and one day, I won’t say how long it took, it became real. I really did feel like I knew and loved her.
via I, Asshole
Musicians and actors know it as “rehearsal”. Athletes know it as “practice”. Soldiers know it as “drills”. Students know it as “homework”. Everyone knows it as “habit”.
That which you do over and over again, you become.
It’s the “Nurture” half of the old “Nature vs. Nurture” question. Human beings are molded by our inborn nature, but we are also molded by forces that touch our lives, that nurture us. Especially things that happen over and over again. We mold ourselves though the things we do repeatedly.
That which you do over and over again, you become.