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There’s been an extra-glowiness around my ex and its cause was not hard to discern. “Are you staying in tonight?” he asked recently as I trundled upstairs burdened by laptop, tea and a hastily assembled dinner.
I made a bland comment about work and the foul weather. “Why?” I asked. “Got a hot date later?” I expected an answer referencing football and the potential ice storm but instead he almost blushed before admitting that yes, yes indeed he did have a date, though he was not entirely willing to hope that it would be hot.
My damnably inquisitive nature refuses to let such a comment slide without further investigation. In a matter of minutes I’d learned her name, age, occupation, marital status and number of children as well as a brief yet enthusiastic description of her appearance. So uncharacteristically effusive was he about it all that I could have, had I so desired, looked her up on the dating site he uses.
For once common sense won out, though that hardly kept me from wondering. She’s thin, and very (very!) young. She’s even offered her skills at tailoring his pants. “You’re already at the ‘I’ll mend your clothing’ stage?” I asked him. Oh yes, he told me. She’s very good with a sewing machine.
The jealousy burns though it shouldn’t. I was that young too once, ten-thousand years ago; at that age (before children and work and life) I was extraordinarily fit. And by god I could mend pants like nobody’s business.
None of that halted the dissolution of our marriage.
It’s likely that nothing much more than some pleasure will come from this — and what kind of monster would I be if I didn’t wholeheartedly root for him to have what I’ve enjoyed in abundance for nearly three years now? Nevertheless, as the lock schnicks shut as he leaves my house on the way to what I can only assume is a demonstration in darning, I can’t help but wish that my sewing skills had been sufficient to keep this family as one.
I know that feeling…but don’t let bring you down…we always do our best to leave the family intact and it is made all the worse when we have no partner is that goal…you and I know both know that sewing skills don’t make or break a relationship…would that it was that easy.
xoxo
You know what’s . . . I was going to say “funny” but it may be the wrong word. My ex-husband seems to be living with a woman who is not only much older than I am but also a substance abuser with mental health issues. This is a good catch for him, as she collects SSI, has public housing, and has somehow managed to get him on her Food Stamp benefit account. Next time he calls, I’ll ask him if she sews. ;)
Oh dear. So is he calling you LESS now that he has such comfort in his life?
Heh. No such luck.
Damn. I was hoping. :)
If you’ll pardon me running with the metaphor some more, sewing skills are not enough to keep some fabrics from unraveling. Not even the best seamstress can keep a garment together when it’s having threads yanked upon from multiple directions at multiple times, and from what I’ve been able to discern that was the way with your marriage.
So — envy the seamstress if you like for a bit, but don’t fault your own sewing skills. You are, after all, creating a lovely fabric of your own nowadays.
– PB
Hey… I was going to say that. Sort of. ;)
You could run up ball gowns in hour and it probably wouldn’t have made any difference. Things happen for a reason — at least I believe they do, and I haven’t been proven wrong yet. You just have to be patient while the reason reveals itself.
I found out recently that my ex is communicating with a woman who used to have the hots for him when we were first dating 30 years ago. It was stange because I didnt feel jealous. I do want him to be happy. But, so often, when I go back to the house, I do wish that we had been able to make it work. That we were looking forward to celebrating our Silver Wedding in two years time. To still love and be loved.
And then I beat myself up that I should have done more to make it work, until I remember that I sewed and darned and mended for years and years and years, both in reality and metaphorically, but if the other half is undoing the knot from the end of the thread or, worse still, actively unpicking the stitches, the whole thing is going to fall apart.
Life is what it is and some parts of it come to an end. To be able to remain on good terms with your ex is a huge victory in itself. Well Done!
Anyone who’s been reading your blog since the early days will confirm that the break-up of your marriage wasn’t due to you not making great efforts to keep it going :o)