Comments on: Opinion

By: aag

aag — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 14:06:17 +0000

Me too, Susan. Me too. And yes, mental health is certainly an issue here.

By: Susan

Susan — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 06:03:33 +0000

Aunt/uncle, friend, would be appropriate. I am a very pro-choice person, regular reader of your blog, and admire your evolution (in all ways) as shared in your blog. I do find it sad that N keeps putting herself in the same situation over and over. Even if the babies are well-placed, with minimal burden on society, surely that must cause her great heartbreak, even if unseen by others? Your comments, as well as my scant experience with those suffering from mental illness leads me to believe that must be at issue here. What a roller-coaster it can be, depending on the variety involved. For the 2 you have taken, it is a blessing that you are able to help the kids by providing a good and stable home (while being a blessing to you as well.) I wish N were able to make the choice herself for sterilization, and work on her own health and issues, instead of repeating the same cycle….

By: aag

aag — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 04:51:55 +0000

All of N’s children are being raised by others.

Keep in mind that when an adoption is planned for, some if not all of the medical expenses are paid for by the adopting family.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 04:49:30 +0000

I am having a hard time understanding how N’s reproductive choices became the topic of debate. Sure. I imagine we’d ALL wish that EVERY adult out there would make smart, safe, self-interested choices. But not everyone does.

If N’s kids have all been adopted, what harm is it to the average taxpayer? It’s not a choice I would make, but at least her kids are or will be in loving homes. Many parents choose worse. Some parents who are afraid of being judged for putting kids up for adoption will end up trying to raise children they can’t care for well– and those kids get extremely hurt (and still often end up in the foster care system.)

Having a safety net will always enable some folks to make choices that take advantage of it. What’s the solution? Take away the safety net and let more folks suffer? Give some group power to decide who is “worthy” of help and who isn’t? Tell them we should make choices for them because we know better? No, no, and no. I consider the cost of a few “bad” (or misguided) apples to be the cost of keeping a society where everyone gets to make their own choices. I can deal with that.

And AAG– I love that you are so open to maintaining this extended family and these sibling relationships for your kids. No words for how happy that makes me–relationship messes and all.

By: Patricia

Patricia — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 01:04:51 +0000

Is N raising the child she had a couple of years ago, or has he been adopted as well? I have to agree with Mike, though, that having a safety net of sorts seems to be a huge enabler for N. Then again, if you’re a proponent of choice you acknowledge that it’s not your decision. Thankfully N’s children go into loving homes but there’s a lot of kids that don’t.

By: Skip

Skip — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 16:23:56 +0000

Why this woman wouldn’t use birth control is beyond me. She is selfish, for one, but she also is not acting in her own best interest. One of the main causes of poverty in the US is people having children they can’t afford to raise.

–Left-wing, California liberal here.

By: Margaret

Margaret — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:15:20 +0000

That person is called family. And maybe for now, they are called aunt and uncle (or aunt and aunt, uncle and uncle, whatever the case may be). Obviously it should be known that they are siblings, and when they are older they will understand and appreciate your efforts to keep them all as “family”.

I have said it before, I will say it again. You are awesome.

peace…

By: Mike

Mike — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:21:48 +0000

Of course I am being faceutious when I suggest forced sterilization! However aag’s reply that this woman should be free to have as many kids as she wants with no reprecussions or responsibilites is wrong also. If this woman takes advantage of all sorts of government-funded assistance programs, then as a taxpayer I have a real problem with her taking advantage of the system and assuming no responsibility for her actions. Maybe one reason she keeps popping them out is that she knows someone will take care of her and the baby.

By: Finn

Finn — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:04:22 +0000

I do hope that this child is adopted by someone who would want to involve you and the baby’s brothers and sisters in their lives. I wonder how many adoptive parents would be open to that? It’s messy, to be sure, but what about life isn’t?

I hope N can find a family as open and loving as yours for the new little one.

By: ThatToyChick

ThatToyChick — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:55:20 +0000

N should use birth control, that I definitely agree with. However, there’s the old “you can lead a horse to water” conundrum to deal with. AAG has mentioned in the past that N has had education and access to BC, presumably for at least most of her life that she’s been fertile, and chooses actively not to use it.

I am part of an extended family that has had a child (biologically related to our family) placed in open adoption (with another family) – similar to AAG’s situation. The mother in question also made very poor choices, and often continues to do so with no consideration of the consequences.

That being said, the two families that I know that adopted these children – AAG’s and the family that took in my family’s child – are both amazing, strong people that, if I had to give up my own child, would be at the very top of the list to be adoptive families. These children enriched their lives and made them happier, more wonderful people than they already were.

There are plenty of women out there who make ignorant choices, but then simply continue those choices into poorly or neglectfully raising these children into the next generation of similar actions. N, and my family member, both decided to wise up and do what’s best for their child. That should be considered much more heavily than how many pregnancies there have been.

Forced sterilization is a very, very slippery slope. Plato’s Republic suggested that ignorant people should not be allowed to have children with other ignorant people, because the offspring would likely be ignorant. Where does forced sterilization for number end and forced sterilization for aesthetics begin?