Make Your Own Sex-Toy: A Pocket Pussy Polemic Part One

I can’t remember exactly when I first encountered the notion that there existed such a thing as a “Pocket Pussy”. I think it was around 2000 or 2001 through ads on porn web sites. At the time, the virtues of something called the “Fleshlight” were being extolled.

I’ve always had a weird aversion to paying for porn. Not that I have a moral problem with porn, it’s just that the mark-up on the products are enormous! In the back of my mind, I imagine that the Mafia is running the operation, and getting a cut of the action. Sure, I’ve bought plenty of magazines, VHS tapes, DVDs, condoms, lube and whatnot, but I always grit my teeth, as it mostly seems overpriced, sometimes greatly so. I was particularly leery of putting a credit card number across the Internet to buy a sex toy. If I couldn’t pay for it in cash locally, I wouldn’t buy it.

But the Pocket Pussy intrigued me, and I figured I could probably just make my own. I spent several years, from about 2000 until about 2004, working on the problem in depth, trying out dozens of designs. I tried polyethylene bags, elastomeric fire hose liners, foam rubber wrapped in various kinds of tapes, rubber surgical wraps, condoms, bicycle tire inner tubes, and probably things I’ve completely forgotten about.

I started out knowing nothing about what design parameters I should incorporate, and by sheer natural selection, discovered what worked, what didn’t, and why. I’ll save you the history of the Great Chain of Being and cut right to the chase; namely what I believe to be the design of the Perfect Pocket Pussy. After I demonstrate how to build it, I’ll compare it to what is widely hailed as the best commercial design, which is evidently still the Fleshlight.

…click the link to continue reading and see the included images…

First off, I discovered that two very important parameters are porosity and resilience. Foam rubber fulfills both of these needs nicely. Zip on down to the local big box hardware store and buy a length of foam rubber pipe insulation. Note that pipe insulation is also made in polyethylene. You want foam rubber. The difference should be immediately obvious both by looking at it and by touching it. I bought a 6 foot length for $5.77. (Photo One) You will need a good box knife and a surface to cut on. I use some Formica pieces that were overstock door kick plates. You might use an ordinary cutting board, although it may not be wide enough. You will need contact cement. FRESH cement is highly recommended; as it gets old and gummy as it ages and the solvents evaporate. (Photo Two) You will need a straight edge, preferably a stout metal slat. I use a steel framing square.

One of the problems that is intrinsic to this build is that the split tubes from the hardware store are already tightly curved. In photo three we see that I have clamped the tubing flat and left it several hours. This is not necessary, but it may help, especially for someone building one for the first time. (Photo Three) I have never been able to find foam rubber pipe insulation in a diameter such that I would only need one piece. Perhaps it exists, but if so I have yet to find it. Thus the conniptions of adhering two pieces together.

You will notice that the tubing already comes with adhesive, covered with plastic to be peeled off. Sadly, this adhesive is not strong enough to withstand the critical process of eversion.

At this point, it should be noted that any home made Pocket Pussy (PP) can be tailored to fit one’s own anatomy. For strictly scientific research purposes I measured my own erect schlong: 7” from base to tip, and 6&1/4” circumference at the base. Where does this fall on a Gaussian distribution? I don’t really know… Am I down on the upside?

Cut two pieces from your 6’ length of foam rubber. Be generous; for this demonstration I’ve cut two 14 &1/2” segments. On segment one, cut about ½ inch away from each edge using a rigid straight edge and your box knife. Set the concave side down. (Photo Four). On segment two, cut just one ½ inch strip away, and leave the other edge as it is for now.

Apply cement to one cut edge of segment one and to the cut edge of segment two. The solvents in contact cement are organic and volatile; some people may be sensitive and want to do this outside, or at least with an open window. It’s never bothered me. During this operation, you will note the porosity of the foam rubber. I assume it is “open cell” rather than “closed cell”, but I don’t know for sure. Allow the cement to dry. You can tell it’s dry when it is no longer sticky to the touch. Don’t let it sit much longer than that, as it will lose its adhesive quality if allowed to dry TOO long.

Now join segment one to segment two. Keep both concave sides down and start at the top. It’s basically impossible to see the concave side, so simply do your best to join the convex, or outside, edges together evenly. Think of the pieces as two sections of a jacket, joined by a zipper; the zipper only works when mated together evenly. Do not allow glued sections to come together prematurely. Yes, it’s tricky, I know, but the results are worth it. When joined, knead the joint together to ensure good adhesion.

OK, now you have one piece that is wider than your final tube will be. How wide should it be? Well, as I say you can fit it to your own anatomy. Since I’ve done this for years, my rough and ready measurement is a width that will allow three fingers of my hand inside. (Photo Five) As it happens, this is 7&1/2” in my case. (Photo Six) Yes, this is more than an inch wider than the circumference of the base of my penis, but eversion will take up the slack. Cut the final pre-glued edge off your single piece. Now comes the more tricky glue joint. For this demonstration I’ve put a weight atop two metal slats to keep the two glued edges apart. (Photo Seven) Again, apply glue to both edges and allow to dry. As before, when the edges are dry bring them together evenly, like a zipper. Now you have a singular tube. (Photo Eight) If you do it correctly, your joint should look something like this: (Photo Nine)

Now comes the most critical step of the whole operation; everting the tube. Grab one end of the tube between the glued joint. Roll the inside out and quickly work your way around the end, holding the part you have everted with your fingers such that it doesn’t flip back inside. I say quickly, because this is the point where the foam is most likely to tear, often at the glued joints. The more quickly you can do this the better, and the more tubing you can evert the better. Realistically, you are only going to get about 3” of overlap, but that’s OK, as that’s all you really need anyway. (Photo Ten) You will note that this photo is blurry, as the adhered joint is already beginning to split. Since I’ve done this before, I know how much time I had so I decided to take a hurried photo.

Now you need the final ingredient, which is BOPP adhesive tape. BOPP stands for Biaxially Oriented Polypropylene and is widely used to tape together Tyvek house wrap. There are many brands available, and of course DuPont makes its own brand of tape to go with their brand of house wrap. (Photo Eleven) The reason to use this tape over, say duct tape, is that BOPP is very inelastic, and will not stretch. It is very strong for its weight, and its acrylic adhesive is aggressive and sticky. Superb stuff, vastly superior to duct tape, which should be left to rednecks.

Starting about 1/2” from the everted lip, wrap the BOPP tape in a helix toward the other end, which we shall call the “muzzle”. Do not  apply tension while wrapping the tube. At this point it should look something like this: (Photo Twelve)

Again, natural selection prevails, and if one has an erect penis that falls within a standard deviation of the Gaussian distribution, you can safely cut the PP down to about 9&1/2”. (Photo Thirteen)

Now that we have taped the PP, we have greatly strengthened the unit. Go ahead and wash the inside with hot water and a few drops of Dr. Bronner’s liquid soap. Roll the tube between your hands, allowing the inner walls to touch each other. They should become literally “squeaky” clean. Rolling in this way also helps the PP take on its new shape without the kinks or wrinkles of its previous incarnation as pipe insulation.

To be continued tomorrow with a comparison between the roll-your-own pocket pussy and the ne plus ultra of commercial units, the Fleshlight. Leave some love in the comments below for Pafnuty Kingdom Shacknasty and check back tomorrow for the rest of this piece.

by: Pafnuty Kingdom Shacknasty