The call came at 2:30 a.m., and because I’d fallen asleep well before midnight in preparation for the lover’s early-morning wake-up, I answered it perky and full of life.
But the voice I heard wasn’t the one I expected. “I’m sick,” said the ex. “I need you to take the kids.” One minute of questioning let me ascertain that he was incapable of driving and had been told by an on-call nurse to go to the emergency room immediately, so less than five minutes after we hung up I was dressed (I’d been sleeping naked) and driving through dense fog to his house.
I planned to drop him at the e.r. then return home with the kids, but as we grew closer to the hospital I considered the possibility that he might actually be sick and not just indulging hypochondria. “Do you want me to call someone to sit with you, honey?” He did not, he said. “Do you want me to get a sitter for the kids and come myself?” He paused long enough that I knew he did. As I picked up the phone again I felt extraordinarily blessed that I have at least one friend who can answer the phone at 3 a.m. with the same equanimity that I had a half-hour earlier.
Kids and friend safely tucked at home, I went back to the e.r. where the ex was wearing a hospital gown and answering questions as a nurse hooked up an IV. Over the next few hours they ran test after test, between which we talked about the kids and politics and how much life had changed over the past couple years.
“Do you have any plans for today?” he asked at some point near dawn as we waited for the results of the final test. I did, I told him, and when he apologized for ruining my weekend I answered completely honestly that it was okay.
“Here’s a question for you,” said my friend much later that day after we compared levels of sleepiness. “When the kids are out of the house, will you still go with him to the e.r.?”
And I asked her in return, if it does no harm and he wants me with him, is there any reason why I shouldn’t?
That story and your response to your friend’s question, I believe embody the definition of what it is to be a good person.
I believe that is called being a mensch. Even in difficult circumstances, you did the next right thing. Brava!
No reason at all.
My ex is my friend. I’d do the same for any of my friends.
Simply stated..You did what any Friend would do for another. There will be other times for sex, but, being a Friend always takes precedence.
Well I most certainly hope so. Love you.
Yes. It’s the right thing to do for both of you, and especially for you.
To still have this good a relationship with your ex makes you a very fortunate person these days. So many breakups really are BREAKS — the relationships disintegrate violently and painfully and neither person wants anything at all to do with the other anymore.
But then, you’re unusual in a lot of ways, so I can’t say I’m really surprised you would be kind enough to go with your ex to the hospital at 3 AM.
– PB
I am very touched by this story. Of course there is no reason why you shouldn’t. You have children with him and you loved him once and thus the two of you will always be connected.
xo~Sadie
Your night has a vague similarity to the one I had the other night. I got a call to come help her and watch the kids while she went to the hospital and even though I was way short on sleep the only question was how much did I have to put on for the current weather. We have a good relationship in term of the kids and it works because we do things for the kids. I am not sure that I would have called her if I was sick and wanted her to take the kids, but we each do what we feel is right. I have asked after her well being subsequently and that has been the end of it as all the other stuff is province of her current husband…and he can have it. :)
Just because you couldn’t be in a marriage with him doesn’t mean that you don’t care for him. You were together for a long time; he’s your family. Seems like the right thing to me.
One word: boundaries. Would you go if the kids where out of the house – and your lover was asleep beside you?
My parents are divorcing right now. For the most part they have behaved very well, but there is always an undercurrent of anger. I hope someday they can have as friendly and supportive a relationship as you do with your ex.
You are a lovely, lovely, woman, and your children will be all the better for this :)
Oh don’t.
Stop.
Really!
No really. Don’t stop!
My mom and dad have about the same relationship; they divorced when I was two and are still friends.
My mom and my half-brother’s dad, however… actually, I think she’d go to the hospital, just because that’s the kind of person she is, but they certainly aren’t friends.
My second post after twelve hours of thinking about this:
I would do the same for my ex and I am relatively certain he would for me. Partly for no other reason that I loved him once and he is the father of my children, his well-being directly affects mine and that of my children. But I’d also do it for partly selfish and not entirely philanthropic reasons. It’s just easier when we get along. If I have to do things that are not entirely convenient or stretch the boundaries of what an ex’s role is, I’ll do it. It really boils down to the fact that it is, and was in your circumstance, the ‘right’ thing to do.
I certainly hope the lover will take a rain check and see what a unique and amazing woman you are.
He did,, aand he does…
Aw. *smooch*
So many people forget the good that brought two people together for the bad that sent them apart. It’s good that you recall it. It’s good that he does and it’s good for your kids to see adults in action.
Well done.
Bree
As the old Virginia Slims ads used to say, you’ve come a long way, baby. In the old days you might have taken him to the ER, but you probably would’ve dropped him off so you could get yourself and the kids back to bed. Offering to stay with him? Prolly not. What a difference a couple of years makes.