Every single bleedin’ time we visit my parents’ house, the boy runs — yes, he literally runs — to their collection of art books. He sorts through them until he finds the one he wants, the one whose cover he has committed to memory. Planting himself on the floor he flips to a page creased open by repetition, where he finds a picture of a nude woman reclining on a rumpled bed.
This he studies with the attention of an astronomer examining a distant star. “Whatcha lookin’ at, son?” I inquire casually. “Can you show me?”
He runs to throw the book in my lap. “She’s naked!” he exclaims. Even after several repetitions of this scene the novelty remains enticingly high. “She’s got no clothes.”
I catch my mother’s eye from across the room. She’s half-trying to hide her laughter. “Should I have put that away?” she asks.
“Oh it’s perfectly fine,” I say, then turn back to the boy. “She is naked,” I agree.
He sits back down in order to gaze again on his favorite picture. “I like this Naked Woman Book,” he says. I catch my mom smiling indulgently at him, and at that moment there’s only one thing that makes me wonder: If instead of racing toward the Naked Woman Book my son instead cast rapt eyes upon this miniature statue sitting next to the lamp, would the response be the same?
If he did, eventually he’d figure out they were a matched set.
Fascinating, troubling question.
My mom came to terms late in life (I give thanks for the tardiness) with her bisexuality. She and her partner recently added to their home a female dog, a labrador.
An unusual behavior of this dog: she humps her bed. My mom and her partner were, for quite some time, rather ashamed of this. None of our female dogs ever did anything so sexually male, and we hadn’t ever heard of other female dogs doing this. Anyway, the point being, they were somewhat ashamed that their lady-dog would act in such a brutish male way. Would the response be the same had it been a male dog giving its bed the occasional hump-of-domination, or is it that even my bisexual mother is trapped in the current social norm that continues to view anything other than heterosexuality as abnormal?
It seems to me that ours is a society and an era where bi- and homosexuality is more accepted than in the past, but is (both in the oddest of situations, like ours, and in typical situations, like yours) still something that elicits shame, or at least a less enthusiastic or jovial response from observers.
Interesting question and great post.
I would say I would be almost certain that it wouldn’t. Without knowing you or your family, even the most open minded people have expectations of their children (and grandchildren) to be straight. Although it may have be a small reaction, I am sure someone would have reacted in that room if he were looking at a naked man. And if they don’t, then please let me do a case study on your family to find out what needs to be done so that all families can be so open-minded!
I’m just trying to wrap my head around the scene… This doesn’t fit with the parents I’ve come to know on your blog.
Either way — nakedness is the point at your boy’s age. Gender does not matter. Body parts, unclothed, all the way. I would hope any adult would get that. Gender… later. Nudity first. Which is why at five I had a three-year old show me his penis and a couple of years later I wanted a look at a vagina.
Let us know when he goes for the statue… He likely will.
I just wanted to add… at various stages (alternating) I think we look for opposites and then familiar and the opposites etc etc.
I guess this wasn’t about the boy but your mother.
Why does he like it? I know why I like pictures of naked girls, but he is a little young for “impure” thoughts. You could a little research on the history and imagery of picture and then have a discussion with him. He may not see anything but the naked women, but he may. Learning to describe what you like and why you like is a good skill that not enough adults have.
I’m confident your response would have been the same, but I’m sure your mother’s would not be. I have to admit I’m even surprised she has such a picture in her house.
I’m with Sulpicia. Such a reaction seems not to fit the woman you’ve described. But I’m glad that not all interaction with your mother and your children is shame based. As I’ve told you before, I am a single mom with two small children, and I wish for a day to be able to shadow you and watch your interactions with your offspring. I know your doubt yourself at times, but I find you a wonderfully open minded mother who teaches her children empathy and acceptance.
I walked in on my daughters watching Katy Perry’s ‘You’re so Gay’ video on youtube the other day. An inappropriate video for 5 and 6 year olds at best. I turned it off and tried to explain why it was inappropriate and why we don’t use words like that. It was so difficult to explain and I fear I didn’t do the topic justice.
Any advice?
Melissa
No one is 100% good or evil, though it’s easy to read that into things.
Dude, I have no advice about Katy Perry videos. I’m dreading the day my kids ask what is a disco stick and why would anyone want to ride on it.
I really like this post, I don’t know if it’s because of your son’s fascination with the picture, the fact he knows exactly what book it’s in, or the fact your mother actually isn’t reacting badly about it…. but I really enjoy reading it. :)