Aug 112009
After experiencing a little issue with my family, I wrote The Problem with Politeness for the Babeland Blog:
She crossed her arms and stuck her nose into the air. I believe she might have said “harrumph.” The boy turned back to his blocks with nothing more than a shrug, but his grandmother was not satisfied.
She spoke my daughter’s name. “You have to accept his hug,” she scolded. “If someone wants to hug you it’s not polite to refuse. They’ll feel bad.”
Go check it out, keeping in mind that there’s an incentive for commenting.
i’ll go over there and probably post too, but i don’t have time atm and i do want to comment. i both agree and disagree. Part of me says one shouldn’t feel obligated to accept any unwanted touch, EVER. However, part of me says that sometimes kids refuse hugs from other kids just to be mean, and that’s not a good reason. i know that in my own house my youngest will refuse a hug simply because the other child wants to give them one, thus thwarting their desires becomes the impetus for not wanting the hug rather than just not desiring the tactile contact at the time.
My older two also have a problem with changing an unwanted touch that originated as horseplay into a claimed “hug” so as not to get in trouble for touching someone who doesn’t want to be touched. But that is another issue.