thank you.

I have to disagree with this. I think maybe the comment could have been worded better, but I don’t think there’s any “obejectification” going when someone says a certain look or style doesn’t appeal to them, but might under different circumstances.

I don’t like the unshaven “scruffy” look – but I think that Matt McConaughey is hot when he’s clean shaven. OTOH, maybe that does mean I’m objectifying MM. I dunno. :)

As I understand it their main criticisms are: a) the women involved are being coerced and b) men will treat their real-life partners the same way they see women being treated in porn.

It’s not any more wrong to masturbate to porn stars than it is to drool over Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie in a movie, or to cry while watching Meryl Streep, or to envy Maya Angelou, or to cheer for Lance Armstrong, or to laugh at Will Ferrell (except that he isn’t that funny). If you don’t do it, they don’t get paid or hired again, and can’t feed their families, or do all the other things that they do when they are being ‘real people’.

A lot of the people (especially so-called feminists, IMO) who oppose porn simply feel threatened by it because a) they feel like their own average bodies and skills don’t measure up to the sexy ones on the screen; b) they’re afraid that their partners won’t want THEM in the same way, or c) they’re afraid that their partners WILL want them in the same way. That ISN’T feminism – it’s fear. Real feminism is allowing a woman to have the freedom and power to pursue whatever SHE wants, even if you don’t personally agree or approve. If that means she makes porn, so be it – her body, her choice. The power to turn a man on and get him off is a wonderful one to have, for a woman who wants it. Those who don’t can dress and behave accordingly.

If Xavier’s expecting or demanding that his wife or daughters, or any other woman, behave like the images on the porn screen – OR trying to control what they do with their own bodies (when they are of legal age) – THEN he’s a pig with a problem. Sounds to me like he’s just parroting SOMEONE ELSE who thinks he SHOULD feel guilty for watching porn – to ease SOMEONE ELSE’S troubled mind. My guess is that he came here knowing exactly what you (and we) would say, so you/we would write a good retort for him.

Be sure to give credit where it’s due, Xavier. Using someone else’s images with permission or acknowledgment isn’t wrong. Using someone else’s words without it IS.

Ha!

You made my day, Damian. :)

I wonder if the discussion is part of the overall erotic experience for him – as if discussing the pornography after viewing it is somehow extending the high.

It also reminds me of those “family values” politicians who are later found out to be engaging in the activities that they publicly condemn.

It’s all a little sad and hypocritical, to me.

The biggest thing here (and you hit it on the head) is consent! There is pornography being made with dubious or nonexistent consent; upskirt, girls gone drunk, other illegal porn, but those categories are definitely avoidable.

I think what Xavier is having trouble with, what is causing him guilt, is that he is conceptualizing women as essentially non-sexual creatures who would find being viewed sexually problematic. I think we can (and will) fairly effectively refute this notion that women are non-sexual beings. He is also tying porn performers’ experience up with his wife and daughter’s experience which is also a fine source of guilt.

I’m in my earlyish thirties and I’m so glad that I’ve taken a journey of self-discovery about my own sexuality and gender issues. It’s made me more confident, a stronger person. I’m more aware of the situations where I find objectification of myself acceptable versus situations where it is unacceptable, and, in turn, the situations when it is ok for me to objectify others.

I know that my lover enjoys it when I use him for my own satisfaction. He has told this to me *multiple* times. I objectify him, to use him as my sexual plaything, and he enjoys “being of service”. However, it’s just one small part of our relationship, part of the variety of encounters we have (physical, emotional, intellectual) that keeps our relationship pleasurable, stimulating, satisfying, and both of us tremendously happy.