Not Here

For the next two glorious days I will be child-free, a prospect which makes me giddy with excited anticipation.

I’d be even more giddly if any plans other than work, work and more work were on the agenda.  Oh silly me, I do have other plans.  Freedom during the week means that I’ve crammed a slew of necessary but dull appointments onto the schedule as well.  I get to have my boobs squished, pupils dilated and head examined.   Yay?

The upshot of this for you is that regular posting will resume on Wednesday.  In the meantime, have a look at some stuff going on around the blogosphere:

Fancy Pants: “As we go to leave she gets pensive – ‘You know Mum, I don’t get why everyone makes a big fuss about fancy pants when no one gets to see them.’”

Tunti Illuminated Boudoir Toybox:  “Anyone seeing the Tunti would imagine that it contains important documents or possibly the tools of espionage instead of sex toys.  Not that there’s anything wrong with toting around one’s sex toys.  In fact I’d feel equally mysterious transporting dildos or spy gear.”

Dad’s Condom Lesson: “Apparently my dad wasn’t sure I had learned everything he wanted me to know about condoms – specifically, how un-durable they can be. Much to my SUPREME embarrassment, my dad proceeded to unroll the condom over his fingers and began rubbing the condom with his other hand – trying to create enough friction for the condom to break.”

The Tickler: “I suffer from the phenomena known as ‘fat fingers,’ so I worried that The Tickler, made by RubyGlass21.com and available at UnderBedToys, would not fit over my chunky digits.”

Or you could get defensive:  “My review of the Treeze Wave, and my opinion of it, would have faded into the background if not for Don’s comment. In trying desperately to publicly defend a product that one reviewer found lackluster, he has only made his company look defensive and stubborn.” [Great example of how *not* to respond to a negative review; required reading for anyone who writes sex toy reviews or asks for their sex toy to be reviewed.]

Allergic to Penis: “She continued to gaze at it. ‘Is penis?’ she asked. ‘I no eat penis?’

I was stunned. What in the world would make a two-year-old think of eating a penis? Had she overhead something about oral sex? Or seen something on the television? I cast about for an appropriate interpretation of her question.”

Enjoy this guided tour and check back tomorrow; if my head unshrinks, my pupils undialate and my titties aren’t too terribly angry I may have some swag to give away.