Comments on: Complicated Answers

By: yes

yes — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:11:46 +0000

I second this. I was so obviously loved by my family, it never occured to me to feel unwanted.
Being told also might have had the weird side-effect of me feeling almost invincible at times, like I was somehow meant to be, despite the odds. And like I could beat said odds again and again.
Which means I am delusional at times lol, but also pretty positive.

By: aag

aag — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 18:55:38 +0000

Totally not unsolicited, or unappreciated. Thank you.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 14:44:28 +0000

This advice may be unsolicited, but I suppose it can’t hurt…

In the context of a loving home, knowing this actually taught me a valuable lesson, I think, about how often the most rewarding and the best things in life aren’t what we expect or seek out. I think the salient difference to communicate was between being wanted prior to arrival and being wanted now. Unplanned does not mean forever unwanted.

By: aag

aag — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 01:38:58 +0000

That’s such a tough situation. Doesn’t every child want to be wanted? I have no idea what or how I’ll tell my youngest about this topic.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 00:20:27 +0000

I was also always told that I was the result of unplanned pregnancy (actually, ‘actively prevented’ is more accurate since my mother had had her tubes tied nine years previous to my conception). Moreover, due to health reasons her doctor recommended she abort. Because she believed I was a gift from God (she was Catholic), she chose to keep me. I always knew that she told me to be honest and to communicate how special I was to her. I really appreciate that, and I love that her choice led to a being who is not only atheist but actively supports other women having that choice as well.

By: Meianca

Meianca — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 07:38:56 +0000

You should tell him the Legacy of an Adopted Child. I read it to my daughter the day I gave her (formally, for she actually left the hospital with them) into the arms of her adoptive parents. It doesn’t answer all the questions, but the important ones.

Legacy Of An Adopted Child

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other;
One you do not remember,
The other you call “Mother.”

Two different lives
Shaped to make you one;
One became your guiding star,
The other became your sun.

The first one gave you life,
And the second taught you to live it;
The first gave you a need for love,
The second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name;
One gave you talent,
The other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears;
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home
That she could not provide;
The other prayed for a child
And her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me
Through your tears …
The age old question,
Unanswered through the years.

Heredity or environment …
Which are you a product of?
Neither … my darling … neither,
Just two different kinds of love!

~ Author Unknown ~

There is more than one version apparently, but this is the one I knew and most liked. Also, apparently the author is not “Unknown” but her name is Penny.

By: aag

aag — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 23:25:43 +0000

Thanks for the comment. I worry about what I’ll tell him someday.

By: yes

yes — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 15:00:51 +0000

Thank you for writing this. This is something I’ve wanted to write about often.
Growing up as the last-born in my family, I was always told honestly that I was the result of an unplanned pregnancy. And they were going through tough financial times. My dad told my mom that it was upto her if she wanted an abortion but my mom said simply: no, she would have me. I used to think my mom told me this story to send the message that abortions were wrong. But now I’m grateful for her honesty, cos the story also let me know that this choice should always be mine and only mine, the way it was hers. Her story also made sure that I know I was not a burden forced upon her, but someone special, loved.. chosen.

By: aag

aag — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 20:52:02 +0000

Sometimes I’m astonished by my own idiocy. :)

By: Kimberly

Kimberly — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 20:44:23 +0000

This is an incredible post…I think you conveyed the thought beautifully.