Him, on the phone: I’m so sorry I forgot to call you on the way into work. It completely slipped my mind.
Me, faux-petulant: Do you mean to tell me that for even a moment you were focused on something other than my awesome wonderfulness and the amazingness of my vagina?
Him: There are a few moments in each day when I’m not thinking about your vagina, love.
Me: I see. Guess I’ll have to work harder next time.
Him: If it’s any comfort to you, I was focused on something almost as wonderful as your vagina.
Me: Oh really. And what would that have been?
Him: Donuts.
Me: Donuts. *pause* I guess I can understand that. Especially if they were bacon donuts.
Him: Honey, if someone could make a bacon donut that wasn’t flavored with maple*, I wouldn’t need sex anymore.
Me: I think my vagina is safe then for the time being.
——
*The idea of breakfast meat drenched in syrupy flavoring horrifies him. If anyone finds a bacon donut not polluted by tree sap, please let me remain blissfully ignorant of it. I want to keep having sex with this man.
Bacon doughnuts.
Thats just not right.
LMAO…
I love the analogy of the wonderfulness of donuts vs. pussy!
Me? I’ll take pussy over donuts anytime ;-)
I have to agree with Rosie. There is something just flat wrong with that concept.
SO
WTF?? Bacon donuts??
BTW, the only thing that can make bacon or breakfast sausage taste even better is maple syrup. If your lover does not like that then he is a freak of nature and you should reconsider his sanity.
I consider his sanity in being with me every single day. Believe me. :)
For the love of all things bacon go here:
http://www.baconnaise.com/
Maybe you could use Baconnaise as a lube? He’d never wish for a bacon flavored donut again!
I’m with him Breakfast meat + syrup= BLECH. The McGriddle from McD’s?? SO WRONG.
I am with him too…I don’t like griddles and make them all morning long for people who are disgusting. I usually eat my sausage/bacon/whatever, then eat my pancakes, or waffles just then the syrup can’t touch my breakfast meat hehe
Bacon donuts? Why?!
This reminded me that just this past weekend I texted Michael that I smelled like sex and bacon – every man’s dream. He responded that the only thing better would be smelling like candy and sex.
I’m thinking if he found a bacon donut, he would probably stop fucking me, too. Only he’d want one with syrup on it because he has a sweet tooth. I just hope such a thing doesn’t really exist.
Maple and Bacon. Separate but equal.
I don’t like sweet stuff on my bacon.
I also agree with Rosie. There is something just flat wrong with that concept.