Not long ago I wrote about some controversy surrounding porn giant Kink.com.  After reading that post, a reader named Christine let me know that she had a tour scheduled at their facility.  I invited her to share her experiences in the heart of Kink.com (all links are decidedly NSFW):

So I’ve always found myself to be interested in How Porn Is Made.  So much so that I’m way more inclined to watch “Behind Kink” than an actual site update.  So I’m really not kink’s ideal customer.

Nevertheless, I was one of the lucky 20 accepted for monthly tour of the Armory last Friday.
We had been instructed to enter through the main doorway.  I was a bit early so I sat on a one of the famous concrete steps and nearly got concussed when a nearby skateboarder slipped and sent his board whizzing at my head.  Luckily I have good reflexes.

At 4:30, I checked in with the security guard and waited with the others in the employee lounge; a big, extremely appealing space with a bar, lots of little conversation areas, comfy vintage furniture and a wall o’ appliances to make espresso, popcorn for a crowd, blow up balloons etc.  Antique glass display cases held copies of kink’s few DVDs and t-shirts and jackets (“People don’t want DVDs anymore,” I heard Marissa, our tour guide, tell someone.  “These haven’t sold well and we probably won’t make more.  People want to download their porn these days.”)

From there we traipsed from room to room.  First up, in the basement, we saw where the new site Naked Kombat is filmed.  Now I must say, the kinksters have done a FABULOUS job of getting rid of what I’m sure were a lot of musty old smells in the armory – after all, it had hardly been used for the last 30 years and the central heating furnace has been out of commission for much longer than that (it was coal-operated and used only while the National Guard tenanted the building).  Additionally, part of a local creek glugs right through the basement.  But this little dusty, dirty room of NK still did smell murky and dirty.  I expect the wrestlers prefer the live shows, when they take the little wrestling mat into what used to be the pool area so that there’s room to set up rows of chairs for the spectators.

The pool has been, at some point in the last 100 years, filled with sand and concrete but there are plans to dig it out and have it functioning again for swimming and film shoots, with the room dressed as a Roman baths.  Having seen the baths in Bath, England, I can completely envision this.  “Peter wants a pool, so we’re having a pool,”  said Marissa.

Marissa gave me the impression of being proud and a little in awe of Peter and his accomplishments with his company.  The “Peter wants, Peter gets” theme reappeared again and again in her commentary but it was never sour grapes – more like, “Peter wants and Peter deserves…”  Peter, it transpires, now makes his home on the top floor of the armory and indeed, we were to see evidence of that later.

But back to the NK room.  Marissa explained the concept of the site.  “Two men wrestle and the winner gets to fuck the loser.” she said blithely.  There was a laugh all around and then we all relaxed, stop pretending we were just there for the history of the building (although Marissa knew all about that too and it was really interesting) and moved on, taking pictures and joking with one another.

On to several Training of O/Hogtied/WP rooms.  Much smaller rooms than I would have guessed them to be.  The floors, which look like hardwood or concrete on camera, are actually a soft, springy material, very easy to stand on.  Most of the rooms had been pure white, our guide explained, and were painted to look old and filthy by the talented paint crew.

We saw the wood shop and the metal shop.  Marissa said there had been a ton of wood everywhere in the armory when they took it over and nearly all of it has been repurposed in the sets and storage rooms.  She explained it’s a company directive to buy and use secondhand whenever possible and the furniture (which we walked by, stored in a huge room), books on shelves and nearly everything else has, at least in part, come from Goodwill or garage sales.  In the Fucking Machine room she pointed out the distinctive machine with whirring silicone tongues and told us it was made from a $30 chain saw bought on eBay.

The FM room smelled very good.  Everyone looked around and sniffed subtly.  I can only surmise the smell came from the disinfectant that they must use to clean every inch of each machine after a shoot.  We also went in the long, narrow room ‘o toys, where everything is bar-coded.  Marissa invited questions in case we didn’t know what something in there was.  There was a sensory deprivation hood thing make from an old anchor that fascinated many of us.  I don’t think it has been on camera yet…I think they’re waiting for a model with a really skinny neck.

Leaving that room, a woman ahead of me remarked to her partner, “this is much better than the Universal Studios tour!”

Somewhere downstairs, going from room to room, we ran into Training of O’s James Mogul.  Since this tour was happening on the monthly “staff training” day with no shoots scheduled, James was dressed casually in a red tracksuit with MOGUL stitched in looped letters and white sneakers.   He was sipping from a Big Gulp when we crashed into the room.  Oh alright – he was in his black shirt, black Levis and black shoes.  No Big Gulp either but there might have been a coffee mug brimming with coffee or the blood of a young virgin somewhere near him.

Upstairs and into the huge domed area where the National Guard once drilled.  We walked up and around the perimeter of the room, looking down while Marissa explained the room and its future use.  Although kink.com took possession of the Armory about a year and a half ago, it took a while for Peter and his board to decide how to divide it up and be landlords to outside groups wishing to rent space.

What has happened is this.  Peter now owns two companies.  One of them, Armory Studios, encompasses the whole building.  The basement and office space and top floor are rented to kink.com (dba Cybernet Entertainment, the company’s original name) which is also owned by Peter.  Armory Studios has just done a deal to rent the dome to a group calling itself  The Armory Community Center.  Eventually the dome will have its own entrances and restrooms and will become a multi-purpose recreation center.  Plans are for art shows, roller derby, boxing matches and much more.  If kink.com ever needs the dome back, it will rent it from Armory Studios for the duration of its shoot or whatever else it needs it for.

The huge dome was largely empty as we walked around it, housing only a few of kink’s vehicles and Peter’s huge RV.  Large Flags lined the walls…Peter’s very fond of the flagpoles on the armory roof and the staff changes flags frequently…French flags for Bastille Day, California flags, Gay Pride flags, and more.  Marissa said it had fallen to her to help Peter line the Armory towers with Christmas lights last year and she was utterly convinced he was going to fall to his death that day.

The second floor of offices surrounding the dome are largely unfinished, just cleaned up and painted white, waiting for the economy to improve so the company can expand again.  There are some amazing bathrooms with original urinals and tile work that have already been used for kink shoots – Marissa pointed out all the craftsmanship that had gone into them.

We went along a catwalk and looked down at the office space where 20-somethings were busy editing porn on huge monitors.  Finally, up to the top floor where deep burgundy curtains roped off Peter’s quarters (there was a sign which read, essentially, Peter’s room, keep out.)

The windows were open to some small outside walkways and the two armory cats could be seen frolicking in the sun.  One of them, a slim black cat, came inside and I made friends with it.  We went into the large central room that is going to be the parlor on Peter’s newest brainchild, The Upper Floor.  It’s about half-done with the base-coat of what will be a paint job that looks like rich, Edwardian wallpaper.

It was very warm up there…the rest of the building had a certain kind of damp coolness that I associate with castles and big old churches in Europe.  Marissa said it’s pretty miserable in the winter…no central heating and problems galore keeping hot water flowing.

Anyway, we went downstairs to see the Ultimate Surrender room and those who wanted to prance around in it doffed their shoes to do so.  It was pretty much as it appears on the website, but a bit smaller-looking.

And that was it.  “Do you like working here?” asked the oldest gentleman in our tour, white sparse hair, navy blue suit.

“Oh yeeeeeeeeeeah!” said Marissa.  “I can wear what I like, swear in my emails.  401K, everything.  It’s an amazing place to work.”

And for 90 minutes, it was an amazing place to visit.

Thanks, Christine. I’m so jealous!