A nerve above my lip hosts a renegade bit of genetic material that periodically bursts into life. I make the assumption that my little parasite is HSV-1, the virus most commonly associated with above-the-waist herpes infections. But the fact of the matter is that I don’t know what lives on my lip. The “cold sore” virus (HSV-1) can take up residence on the genitals. The reverse is also true: “Genital herpes” (or HSV-2) can be found on the lip.
Sixteen months ago I took myself in for a round of STD tests after an almost entirely self-generated scare. The doctor asked if I wanted the HSV blood test included. “Is there a reason for not doing it?” I asked, expecting him to issue a warning about the cost or insurance’s unwillingness to pay for such a test. Instead, he told me that it would detect any instance of HSV in my body whether HSV-1, HSV-2, lip, genital or anywhere else. “So if I get cold sores on my lip, the test will come back positive regardless of any infection I might have gotten recently?” He nodded. “And it could be either HSV-1 or HSV-2 on my lip?” Again he nodded, and we both agreed that the test was not worth doing.
There’s no question: HSV a tricksy little virus. It’s tricksy enough that a very large percentage of those who carry it have no idea because they exhibit no symptoms or only symptoms mild enough to be explained away as something else. The virus can shed with no lesion present. And while condoms are some help in preventing transmission, they are by no means 100% effective. Shedding from skin not in contact with a condom? The virus could pass.
If that’s not enough, herpes can show up on the fingers of adults and children. Viruses in the same family are responsible for chicken pox, shingles and a host of other conditions. HSV is indeed a sticky wicket.
I’ve experienced outbreaks since I was a child; in fact there is no time that I don’t remember having them. At the moment I’m most of the way through its apparent life cycle. I expect it to make an appearance sometime this summer, at which point I’ll spend a week or ten days nursing an itchy, painful cluster of weeping blisters in the most prominently visible location imaginable.
The possibility of transferring the virus from lip to labia or lip to partner makes me fret. Oddly enough, this peaks in the time between outbreaks. I worry that the virus will shed when I have no signs of impending eruption and my impassioned enthusiasm for giving oral will result in a perpetual souvenir for my partner. I try to warn partners about the parasite before things get heated. “I’m happy to use a condom for oral sex,” I tell them, yet so far not even one has taken me up on the offer.
As I observe how this virus is discussed among my friends or in the media, I have to wonder if we approach it rationally. Is the common cold actually any more painful or annoying than an outbreak of tiny blisters, I question? Both:
- are caused by viruses
- produce a week or two of discomfort
- require some adjustments in sexual activity
- pass to a partner by close contact even when no outward symptoms show
- create a certain degree of physical unattractiveness (unless you’re into snot or blistery lips)
- cannot be cured, only managed
- recur with regularity
Are there differences between a cold and a cold sore? Sure. An open sore from a herpes outbreak can give HIV easier access to the body, but aren’t we careful in any circumstance when bodily fluids and openings into the body converge? I’m certainly not suggesting that we abandon caution with HSV. That would be as foolish as sucking on a sneezing person’s runny nose.
But maybe it’s time to stop the slut-shaming in regard to an infection that could easily creep into any of us on any day. Maybe it’s time to think of it as no more to be desired — and yet no more to be feared — than any of the countless other viruses ubiquitous in our daily lives.
I feel exactly the same way. When I got my first cold sore recently, and then a poorly timed ingrown hair that I feared may be herpes, I didn’t really freak about it. Over 80% of the population gets cold sores. Herpes may be lifelong, but it is in no way a threat to anyone’s fertility. It’s not life threatening. If I have to deal with an outbreak of sores on my genitals every now and then, is it really so bad? There are so many worse things that I could have.
It turns out that (for all I know) I do not have genital herpes, but as you said, HSV-1 can appear on genitals and HSV-2 can appear on lips. I choose not to fret about it. I just avoid oral when I have a cold sore. If someone told me they had herpes, it would in NO WAY be a deal breaker for me.
It’s just not that big of a deal.
I agree that herpes is waaaay over stigmatized, especially since nearly everyone either has it or has been exposed to it (68% of Americans are seropositive for HSV1, for instance). However, I will kiss my partner when he has a cold, but not when he has a cold sore. I feel like with a cold you get a lot of second chances in avoiding the next one, but once you have herpes it’s a forever kind of thing. I’ve just been lucky not to have caught it yet, or at least I’ve never had an outbreak.
The good news on the HSV front: there’s a vaccine in the works for those of us who have, through sheer dumb luck, not gotten either of the viruses already. I was in the vaccine trial. At the same time, the same virology research place was testing a vaccine for people who are already infected to work as suppressive therapy and try to “turn off” (but not cure) the virus. (A shot every few years is way easier than taking daily pills like Valtrex, so it’s a step forward.)
I have a friend who has Herpes (that is how she discovered her husbands infidelity…) So I read up on it and got tested (no Herpes for Ted) but like 25% of the people that have herpes have no idea they have it… But it seems more annoying than harmful. (although there is a stigma associated with it). The thing I worry about is Hepatitis C. Hard to test for, easy to transmit and deadly…
You are so right. I really hate slut-shaming of any ilk, and herpes-shaming just reeks of hypocrisy to me. Any of us could have it. I don’t think it should be classified as an STD just because it can occur on the genitals.
“sucking on a sneezing person’s runny nose” – foolish, but as a parent, sometimes necessary, still gives me the heeby bajeebees though
I’ve had coldsores forever, since I was a child. My sister has them, my mum, my grandma, all my female cousins. Unfortunately we seem to be stuck with it. My son has had a few small ones too, so it seems he is the first male in the family to pick it up.
I’ve always been careful, I don’t kiss anyone when I have coldsores, I don’t touch them (as much as I can resist picking.. Its bad enough feeling disgusting whilst having a huge ugly sore, but its even worse when people make assumptions about how you got them.
Only recently a male friend discussed how he picked up a girl in a bar, and had already started having sex when he realised she had coldsores and that “he didn’t know where she had been” so he stopped and left. Later that night I pointedly asked for my own glass (during drinking games) because I had a coldsore starting and didn’t want to pass on my herpes to anyone else. He looked mildly uncomfortable, at least for a moment.
(sorry my comment is so long!)
Thank you so much for this, aag. I’ve had herpes for about 3 years. I caught it from my husband who had no idea that he even had it. I’ve had a grand total of 2 outbreaks and he’s had none that he knows of – Yet I know that I were to ever say this out loud it would be looked down upon. We call in to work sick with a cold, yet I’d never call in to work sick with “genital herpes”.
It seems to be along the same vein as all things sexual in this country, meaning it’s blown out of proportion and shunned as evil. It’s like we’re a huge nation of pre-teens when it comes to sex and all anyone wants to do is say “eww! I’ll never get that!”
I’ve had HSV all my life, cold sore outbreaks on my lips or fingers were not uncommon as a child, but appear less and less as I get older.
The CDC estimates that “at least” 1 in 5 people in the USofA have HSV-2, other studies have indicated that it is as high as 1 in 3. If HSV-2 were treated like other diseases, the news would be full of reports on the epidemic. HSV-2 does *not* have to be transmitted sexually.
HSV-1 has LONG been pandemic in our population.
I *still* remember as a college freshman a girl who was diagnosed with genital herpes (waaaay before it was popular with the mainstream media) who ran down the hall screaming “i’ve got herpes, i’ve got herpes” in a blatant reversal of the slut-shaming process. But she always had “cool” more than James Dean anyway.
Amen, darlin’.
I had genetal herpies a long time ago. I got addicted to Valium and took heavy doses for over a year. I had to detox from it and have not had an outbreak since then. It has been 25 years. I used to get outbreaks four or five times a year before. I get some blisters in my feet. So maybe the V’s sent the little buggers down there.
It is posts like these that make me admire you so much! You have such a way of putting things into a non-judgmental perspective.
And, I couldn’t agree with you more on this subject!
xo~Sadie
i have a funny story. for my birthday a few months ago, i got a deep hood piercing, that i’d wanted for years. yay! of course, it made things in my junkular region rather sensitive and ouchy. for months. but that’s to be expected. still, after two and a half months, i was getting a little tired of the pain, and from everything i’d read, the daily ouchies were supposed have subsided a bit.
i finally decided to have my wonderful piercing removed. and the clamp my piercer put on my labia to spread for removal hurt MORE than having the piercing removed. weird.
but it still hurt. five days later, it hurt so bad that i called my gyn when i got done with work and requested an emergency appointment that day. the doc took one look at my bits and said, “oh, that looks like herpes.”
so he took some swabs and sent them off and called me to confirm HSV-1 on my junk. sigh. i’m not surprised, as i’ve had coldsores for almost my entire life, and was even told by an opthamalogist (sp?) that i had a type of herpes in my eyes from wearing my contacts too much.
at least now i have a funny story for my piercer.
Agreed.
Needed to be said. I hate “slut-shaming” in any case, but it’s ridiculous for HSV to be used that way. That doesn’t even make sense. It can be caught *lots* of ways other than through sexual contact. Even, having it on your genitals doesn’t mean it was caught through sex.
I do have a personal reason for wanting people to stop treating HSV infection as a dirty, horrible thing. For years I had severe B12 deficiency along with the symptom of angular stomatitis, which is deep cracks in the corners of the mouth. (Ow! They really hurt.) People would actually approach me and mention that I had herpes. So, I ended up doing a lot of research on it and learned all the things you mention in your post. In other words, I was pissed that people were judging me as “dirty” when I didn’t even have herpes and that led me to discovering the whole “herpes” = “dirty, doomed, or both” was *absurd*.
More posts like this one (and everyone else’s comments) help spread the word, slowly, but surely. Hmmm… kind of like a virus. ;-)
You just reminded me of an anecdote I heard about a man who wrote to some agony aunt column complaining that he’d just found out his wife had herpes (and was therefore dirty and disgusting and ‘damaged goods’ or something) and zomg what should he dooooo?! The agony aunt’s reply was simply (I’m paraphrasing) “share the herpes, idiot”. ;oP
Talk to your doc about taking Valtrex when you get an outbreak. You only need it for one day and it will greatly shorten the outbreak if taken soon enough. Also protect your lips from sun exposure as it can trigger outbreaks.
I talk about this subject a lot on my blog, as I’ve had HSV-2 for 10 years now. And you’re right, the slut-shaming is ridiculous and not at all rational. It’s a minor, common virus. Let’s get a grip.
I’m torn on this. In my family, I am the only one that has tested negative for HSV. The fact is this virus has life long implications. There has been links to Alzheimer’s (I admit the newest research is just that- new and research). I’m not an expert on it by any means, but it’s more than a simple cold, in my opinion.
I’m not saying the stigma isn’t wrong, but I plan on keeping myself as virus free as possible- HSV included.
I firmly support you in not wanting the virus. No one wants it, or any virus.
But for someone who already has it? Let’s not bring the shame.
My day job is as a health educator on a college campus. Methinks I should make this required reading for my students. Well done, AAG.
The slut-shaming (and not just how it applies to sexually transmitted infections) needs to go. And I might I add our own internalized slut-shaming needs to go as well.
You very much have my permission to pass this on as you see fit, as long as you include the URL. :)
This is a great article to pass on to anyone who is invoking shame. Or simply, anyone:
http://www.herpes.com/hsv1-2.html
Thank you so much for posting this, AAG. There has been a recent discovery – it would seem that herpes virus helps protect against other viruses. You can read more here: http://scienceblogs.com/notrocketscience/2009/02/the_upside_of_herpes_-_when_one_infection_protects_against_a.php
I read that! Amazing, isn’t it. :)
It does explain why I haven’t been horridly sick since being exposed to the virus ;)
(at least, that’s what I choose to believe LOL )
I’m also in the same boat of having cold sores as a child. Now that I’m in a high-stress job, they come out ferociously from time to time.
My high school sex-ed teacher obviously thought that using the threat of STDs was a great way to promote abstinence. He focused primarily on herpes, inviting us to imagine the horror of an outbreak. He never mentioned that the connection between the two types of the virus and never pointed out that HSV-1 was responsible for the cold sores that most of my classmates and I had. Nice, right?
As far as the stigma goes, I hate to have people staring at my mouth. (Unless they’re trying to kiss it…) The last couple of times have been pronounced. Since so many people carry the virus without showing signs of it, you’d think it would be as accepted as the common cold, as you point out. Of course, I don’t think most people realize how common it is.
I’ve never had cold sores, but I do have strangely PH balanced saliva (I forget if it’s over acidy or base-y) that means that every time my toothbrush slips or I bite my cheek, I get painful white blisters wherever I managed to spaz out and stab my gums. People look at me funny when I mention this, as if I am a diseased leper that wants to tongue their silverware drawers to spread my acidy spit o’ doom.
I can’t imagine treating someone differently because they have an std. I’d use a condom/protection wherever it’s prudent, regardless of who I’m playing with, std or no. It’s possible, according to some of the links cited in your entry, to get this stuff even without intercourse, so where do people get off assuming so-and-so was irresponsibly sleeping around without protection?
Bah. For such a supposedly progressive country, we really are in the dark ages about some things. Thank you for this ray of light.
-TTC