Because I am nothing if not a delicate flower, an early spring cold turned into a sore throat which left me with a massive red-ringed crater next to my uvula and the complete inability to swallow.
So I did the only thing I could do. For ten days I sucked down super-powerful antibiotics at the behest of my doctor. The crater shrank; it shrank indeed, but at the same time I endured the sudden, violent exodus of every meal I ate. All my good flora were lost in the antibiotic’s massive attack. I can assure you that it was no fun. Exciting, I suppose, in the same way that outrunning a rhinoceros must be exciting. But no fun.
Crater cured and pills almost depleted, I thought the balance of needful versus nefarious varmints would soon be restored. Alas, I was so very very wrong. Soon enough my poor beleaguered vagina was ejecting something that looked exactly like the gyro ingredient pictured at 8:40 here.
Um. Sorry for the over-share. But not sorry enough to delete the link.
So I acquired a one-shot vag de-yeastifier and gamely administered it one lonely Friday night. By Sunday my interior was fine but my exterior felt like I’d been given oral sex by a belt sander. Oh the burning. Oh the pain. It was so exquisite that I could not keep my hands off of it. Like poison ivy it begged to be rubbed even though I knew that rubbing would only worsen the discomfort.
After several nearly unbearable hours during which I wondered if I’d been slipped Spanish Fly instead of Monostat, I took to my bed in agony. With me I brought my Acuvibe and a liter of silicone lube. What, do you think a liter was excessive? In my condition a liter seemed like far too little. And dear readers, once again masturbation saved the day. The extreme stimulation worked to short-circuit the millions of recently displeased nerve endings in the area. I slept in peace.
The very next day, newly healed of chest, throat and vagina, I dicovered a link to this amazing vibrator. “I must have one,” I announced to the world, and soon enough one was winging its way toward me. “Why settle for frozen water?” asked the ever-witty Diva, who’d pointed the vibe out to me in the first place. “Try kool-aid instead!”
Instantly my mind spun through the worst-case scenario of using a frozen kool-aid vibe. Surely applying such an icy concoction to my delicate nether regions would chill me to the very core, after which I’d be stricken with yet another cold. This would no doubt bring on yet another throat issue, which would require more antiobiotics, which would cause my vagina again to be yeasty enough to turn out a bakery’s worth of bread. And we don’t want that.
So I think I’ll just stick with plain old water, Diva, if that’s perfectly all right by you. This delicate flower has spent more than enough time out of commission.
You may already know this, but in case an adventurous reader doesn’t: Putting sugary stuff in there can unbalance the pH. Boom – yeast infection!
The moral: Use sugar-free Kool-Aid. ;)
This may sound a little crazy, but a friend figured it out and it has really been a huge help for me. I’m guaranteed to get a yeast infection if I swallow one pill of any antibiotic–even if I forget the rest.
What I use now is any lotion (it’s usually a hand or foot cream) with peppermint and tea tree oil in it. Burt’s Bees is a good place to start. It can take a week to fix things, but it’s soothing, it’s not gross once it’s applied and you can use it externally alongside an over the counter treatment. My friend swore it would burn a bit, but I barely noticed it. It’s a real godsend.
Additionally–it’ll work as a great lube while your bits are recovering from the antibiotic.
Noticing the lack of luck you have been having lately with medical issues concerning your vagina (ie:Charlie the Tuna) I am now wondering how long it will be before I am reading a post about your trip to the ER for a frostbitten clit?
Maybe we could start a pool? Ask your readers to guess the date AAG has to explain a frostbitten clit to the ER doc’s. The prize can be an ice vibe.
There will be no frostbitten clits around here! Even I have more sense than that!
*I think*
When i am on antibiotics I put 10-12 drops of Tea Tree Oil in the bath, before I always got yeasts now that i do the tea tree none!
I always eat TONS of yogurt when I’m on antibiotics. This keeps the good bacteria in your system that is getting killed by the antibiotics and keeps the nausea and yeast infections at bay.
Works every time, and I used to have the same reactions as you did to antibiotics.
Yogurt is the miracle drug that should go with antibiotics. Really the doc should just hand us a prescription for a quart of lowfat natural yogurt along with an antibiotic. Well, I guess if someone hated yogurt the doc could also give her pills with digestive enzymes.
Oh, and have fun with ice, but beware the ice damaged vulva! Frostbite is not fun and the tissues are so thin and sensitive that it doesn’t take long to burn you.
Yogurt works but so do probiotics (acidophilus). I took two a day (with breakfast & dinner) last time I was on antibiotics and did not get a yeast infection (and I usually do with antibiotics).
Now I take them every day still because they make my gut happy!
one of the best ways to get rid of a yeast infection is to take one 500 vitamin c tablet an hour before bed and then another 500 c tablet right before you go to sleep. i also find that it works to take 1,000 c tablet right before you go to bed, but my doctor told me to do it the above way, which is the non lazy way. i’m not sure why it works but within a day or two everything is better, which is just wonderful. and it’s so easy and mess free.
I recently had my first yeast infection in many years. I’d almost forgotten how the itching can be so intense you can’t even think straight.
In desperation I called my doctor’s office and one of the nurses there had some excellent advice on how to subdue the itch: take a bath in warm (not hot) water to which you add baking soda.
I was in too much discomfort to wait until the tub was full, so I filled it just enough to submerge the affected region plus a few inches, poured in about 3/4 of a cup of baking soda – the nurse had not been specific about quantity so I was just guessing – and climbed in. Sweet relief!
Diva’s suggestion gives a whole new angle to the phrase, “Don’t drink the Cool-Aid.”
I love ice, but only little bits or it’s toooo cold. I think these things are the NEATEST lil things I’ve ever seen: http://www.durexworld.com/en-US/Products/Lubes/Pages/Quiver.aspx
They’re single-serve water based lubricant “cubes” you can stash in the freezer for use whenever.
Good luck with your naughty bits, you poor dear. :-/