“Does she look like me?” asked my daughter, thrusting a tiny Barbie-doll clone into my face not long ago as I was earnestly scrutinizing an online checking account statement.
In the moment it took me to snap from one world into the next, I looked from the toy to my child and back again. Both wore red dresses, shoes with heels, loud purple belts and messy blond hair, but I thought it best to focus on something else.
“She has a really pretty smile and so do you,” I said. The child beamed while Barbie looked on blankly. “I think she looks like a very kind person, and I know you are a very kind person.”
She kept smiling but was clearly interested in other characteristics. “She has a dress and I have a dress,” she pointed out.
“That’s true,” I said, hoping the conversation wouldn’t turn to Barbie’s ample bosoms barely contained in the dress’s skin-tight bodice. “Wait, what’s that? Honey, Barbie is talking to me!”
She looked not in the least surprised. In her world Barbie talks all the time. “What did she say, Mommy?”
“She says she likes to read books! And you like to read books too, don’t you?” She nodded solemly. I brought Barbie up to my ear again. “You like to run around outside, Barbie? And you like to look for worms? Just like you!” I said to the child.
I was on a roll now; I could have written a dissertation about Barbie’s imaginary characteristics that I hoped my daughter would one day see in herself. But she was ready to be off. “We have sparkly shoes! We both have sparkly shoes!” she yelled, off to find her siblings.
And as usual, I was left wondering if I’d said too much, not enough, or by some random miracle exactly what she needed to hear.
Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic, I don’t know that I could imagine a better way to handle this scenario. Way to think on your feet…it does make me so glad to have a boy…and as much as I think a daughter would be fantastic I’m not sure that I would be able to handle all that goes with it. Good work.
It’s not until your son asks you that question that you have to worry.
Why would I worry? If my son wants to wear dresses I will be the first to take him shopping and God help anyone who stands in his way.
:)
i often wonder how much of a parent’s job is out-shouting culture.
culture: sparkly shoes!
parent: worms!!!
I think you did just fine. It’s in these little moments that we do the most important parts of our parenting.
<– smiles gleefully!
<– applauds you both!
This is an absolutely wonderful post You’re a great mom and I’ll probably read this a few times and hope I remember it when I get to the mothering.
Fabulous, hun. Now go buy yorself some sparkly shoes as a reward for a moment of perfect mothering. (Take ‘em wherever ya find ‘em.)
It sounded perfect.
So cute.
I wouldn’t completely play down your daughter’s desire to feel pretty and fashionable or whatever, but I love that you emphasized the books and the outside play :)
She is a very girly girl. I’m gonna have to have some help from someone far more girly than myself when she feels the need to shop. :)
You worry too much.
that is the absolute best response to the barbie debate i have ever heard! thanks for the advice. i hope i am that wise when i (if) have kids.
Well, the other things are easy to take for granted when a child has a decent self-esteem. She knows she’s smart. She knows she likes books and earthworms.
She doesn’t know about shoes yet, so it’s natural that’s where her curiosity lies right now.
But your responses were wonderful all the same.
Good for you for handling it so well, and for your response to Riff Dog…