Five minutes into my boy’s yearly checkup his doctor announced, “This child needs to be in preschool. Immediately.”
Certainly I could understand her point. The child’s fascination with doors knows no bounds, and a brand new room with an unexplored door (not to mention several drawers full of tantalizingly shiny items) proved irresistible to him. As the doctor spoke to me about his development he practiced peeping then slamming, protesting with extreme vigor when I pulled him away.
I’ve used this doctor since my first child was born and she’s never not suggested preschool for one of my little darlings. Steadfastly I kept my own counsel with previous children, but listening to her enumerate the reasons why preschool could help this child finally swayed me. “And you clearly need a break,” she said, nodding toward the bundle of squirming muscles in my arms. “He is a handful.”
Her words, coming near the end of a week that left me weeping from kids, work and stress finally prompted me into action. After checking with their father, the very next day we drove to a local school that several of my friends had used in the past. It took ten minutes of filing out forms while wrangling toddlers more interested in dismantling the brochure display than behaving, then they were both registered for the fall session.
As I walked them out (tethered to my hands yet still finding every mud puddle between door and car), I couldn’t tell if I was floating from elation or guilt. A few precious free hours each week when they’d both be gone! Gone, out of the house, not coloring on the walls or beating on the piano or screaming at each other or disrobing five minutes before leaving. Gone, so that I could work in peace. Gone, to be transmogrified from animal to human under the influence of experienced teachers and the pressure of wee peers. Gone!
And yet I never thought of myself as the sort of mother who would wish her children away. I mourned when my first went to kindergarten after five years at home with no other teacher than myself. I could not imagine passing her off to the care of someone else, someone who could never love her like I did. And now I’m positively gleeful about sending these two little ones out the door in just a few short months.
My friends tell me I’m nuts to feel guilty about so small a thing as preschool, and I almost believe them.
Almost.
As they say, “it takes a village.” At the bare minimum, it’s socialization that is required for healthy growth. Moving up a level, it’s sanity preserving for you, which can only be healthy for everyone in the long run.
And, dammit, this is the 21st fucking century. If we can’t take advantage of modern society without feeling guilty, then I wonder why we ever came out of the trees in the first place.
Your kids will have a blast and they’ll love you for this experience.
my first never went to preschool, but my second .. my second went from the age of 3, and has thrived (and so have i). I spend at least one morning a week there too, helping out, which reminds me a)how much i enjoy my children b)how much i need time out.
There is always something to feel guilty about, but i am sure preschool is one of the lesser evils.
Don’t feel guilty. It will do all of you a world of good. Seriously.
I sent my son to preschool when he was about 3 (mainly to help him develop his speech) and we never had second thoughts about it… Although things haven’t been trouble-free I believe that playing and living (after all he was on a full 8 hour schedule) among wee people did him no end of good.
Guilt is a waste of precious energy. Knock it off.
Your oldest had your undivided attention.
It’ll be good for them. It’ll be good for you.
I had my oldest home from 0-5, and the same for my youngest, just turning 4. I’m also currently unemployed and home all day.
And going insane.
School has been awesome for my 5 year old. She LOVES kindergarten, and she’s finally reading (and reading well) after all my efforts. Turns out that teacher can make them do anything.
It was hard, and will be harder with the baby. But she’s growing up, and I’m no longer enough. And we ALL need a break.
Everyone deserves a break and everyone needs it. In the old days when women didn’t do anything but raise them, the property was large and kids were told to “go outdoors and play” where they ran around creation for a few hours giving Mom a break. These days most don’t have that luxury – can you imagine letting them run around on the street without checking them every 5 minutes? – so modern alternatives have appeared, basically paying someone else to watch them.
Its tough not to feel guilty, as though you are somehow insufficient, yet burnout is a very real phenomenon in mothers.. they will develop in different ways by being exposed to different adults and children. its good for them (and you).
Come on now… they’ll love it and it will give them a head-start. It’s not like you’re getting a couple hours to yourself by roping them to the tree out back! Give yourself a break.
Roping them to the tree out back. I gotta try that.
:)
You work so hard to give them a loving, comforting home. There’s no reason you should feel guilty about sending them to pre-school. And I’m sure the social interaction will do them a world of good- especially Mr. Door Slammer.
I ditto every Hal said… I could have wrote it myself.
I tell everyone that “it takes a village”.. as I myself have a handful of a son. If he wasn’t in school by age 3, I would have killed him or strangled myself… we BOTH needed it!! It’s all good. My first thought after reading your post was.. “Fall? She has to wait until Fall?” – LOL!! Enjoy the break eventually.
Breathe freely
smile
cry
dance
all is good!
It’s healthy to have a variety of teachers and playmates as a toddler! If humans still lived in villages your kids would have lots of moms in the neighborhood, and many peers to play with. Preschool is just the modern equivalent of ancient childcare sharing concepts. It gives parents a break and broadens a childs experience. It’s a good thing, honest!
Every child is different and has different needs. I have seen children in preschool who shouldn’t have been there – who need the quiet and the undivided attention of an at-home parent. And I have seen children (like my daughter and maybe your little ones) who absolutely thrive in that environment, where there is always something to do and someone to play with and someone else to clean up the remains of it.
After all, it is not just for your sake that you enrolled them – it is also for their sakes. And, as it’s easier to say it than live it… yes, I felt guilty for a good long time about that mere 9 hours a week when she began. Many grandparents do more babysitting than that (not mine, not yours, but heh).
My one piece of advice? Buy disposable clothes (like, you know, cast-offs Goodwill won’t take). I can’t tell you the number of times my daughter painted herself rather than the paper.
sparkle
My little boy is nearly 16 months and he too is fascinated with doors: cabnets, closets, drawers, everything. Don’t think too much about pre-school, it’ll go so fast anyways.
I could echo all of the good and logical reasons that preschool is a good idea, both for the children and for you…
I’ll just say that we did it, and felt the same combination of relief and guilt, and got through it. Be strong. Give yourself a little daycare.