Two Images

My skin is not chalky white, nor is my lover’s skin faux-tan orange.  I’m not winsomely slender.  His neck’s not so bendy.   Neither is my left arm.  And I certainly don’t wear a Nike swoosh of blush or such a pained expression during sex.  At least I don’t think I do.

In the same say, I’ve never (ahem, yet) dressed as a bird while getting busy.  Neither, to my knowledge, has he.

And yet there’s something compelling about each of these images, something that reminds me of the way my partner and I touch.  Wrapped around each other on the desert floor or suspended half in flight on wicked curved claws, these pairs of partners look like I imaging we look, in a surreal yet idealized way.

If I were a braver woman I’d buy both images, as large as I could afford.  I’d frame them and hang them in my bedroom.  But I’d worry what my friends, my family, my ex would think to find them there.  I’d worry that my children would be scarred to see such vivid depictions of pleasure.  Perhaps a tiny fig leaf fashioned to fit over the naughtiest bits would be enough to shield their eyes?

I’m not brave enough, at least not yet.   But in thinking about hanging kinky pictures on my bedroom walls, I remembered a post I wrote about a million years ago, in late 2005.  It was called “The Perfect Bedroom,” and you’ll find it below the cut.  Please agree to hold me blameless for the shoddy writing, especially the use of an overabundance of ellipses when you click the link to read more:

It’s been running through my mind lately what sorts of things I’d put in a perfectly-equipped bedroom. Just one of the many somewhat-pervy thoughts that pass through my head in a constant stream. I’m endlessly thankful that no one has yet developed a tool capable of reading thoughts. The check-out ladies at the grocery would be appalled. My mommy friends would be horrified. My husband would want me committed.

The perfect bedroom would, first of all, contain an enormous bed. At least king-sized. Maybe even two king-sized beds shoved together. Clamped together might be better, come to think of it. This will provide lots of room to spread out. Clean white sheets, a thick down comforter, and maybe a waterproof mattress pad. That’s alllll I’d need. Nothing fancy.

Even though these beds would take up massive amounts of bedroom real-estate, there must be some floor room left over. At least a 6′x6′ section, somewhere. Just open floor. Well, maybe it should have a soft rug on it. Sometimes you’ve just gotta do it on the floor. Nothing else will work.

Ohhhh, on another little patch of leftover floor, I would require one of these. I know it’s terribly expensive and you could do all those things (lookit all those fun positions, willya???) with other make-shift items, but still…doesn’t it look like fun?

Also, music. A good selection, right next to the bed. You never know when you’ll need some Mozart or Metallica for inspiration. Best to have a little bit of everything on hand.

Next, a straight-back chair. At some point in the past, I used to fool around with an amazing man while he sat on a straight-back chair and I sat on his lap, facing him. We never had sex in that position but it was wonderful for using your hands. I bet tons of you have done that, right? Is it as amazing as I imagine it to be?

A toy-drawer would be crucial. Vibes, lube (lots of lube), maybe a vibrating strap-on (heh), some rope, blindfolds…that’s about it, I think. (All rights are reserved to change this without notice in the event of any new kinkiness creeping in to my generally-vanilla fantasy life.)

Then, some necessities. Plenty of water. Plenty of ice. Quick, energy-rich snacks. A pile of towels, right next to the bed. A bathroom nearby, with a huge shower and an endless supply of hot water.

The windows would be open, letting in almost-cold air. If you were sitting in the room, it would be chilly. But my plans for the room don’t involve much sitting. My internal thermostat runs so high that I’m drenched in sweat after a sex-session. Not much feels better than cool air on hot, sweaty skin. Windows open, definitely.

What else, what else… Oh, a camera. Such fun taking filthy shots. Protection, if needed. Candles, maybe. A phone, with the ringer off, only to be used to call for a quick lunch, or maybe the paramedics in case of serious sex-injuries.

Hmmmm…seems like I’m missing something…what is it? Ah, of course. The most important ingredient. An open-minded partner who would be willing to inhabit this well-stocked bedroom with me for days at a time, never leaving, alternating between bouts of sex and some light dozing, only to wake up to more delicious fun. Bodies never out of contact for more than a few moments at a time. Enough touching and orgasms and closeness to fill me up.

Wouldn’t that be great? Anything I’ve forgotten?

I may not have the pictures yet, but I have almost everything I wanted back then.  I am the luckiest woman ever.  I am so thankful.

***Clicking the images above will take you to a web page with more information about each artist.***