Through the miracle of Facebook I’ve reconnected with many people from my past, including several high school and college friends with whom I hadn’t spoken in two decades or better. In some cases we were able to pick up where we left off as easily as if not a day had passed since our last conversation, and I’m now happy (though at least a little terrified) to have them reading here with us. Hi old friends!
Also I’ve gotten reacquainted with a small but significant number of men who once were pretty wild. Nothing out of the ordinary, just your typical young-adult high jinks including drinking, smoking a little grass and attempting to find their way into the vagina of each person who owned one within a 50-mile radius.
None of these young men could have been considered spiritual then, and yet now their profiles and conversations reflect religion at every turn. Quoted Bible verses, allusions to church, declarations of “Christianity” in the Facebook slot about religion and talks that tend toward pro-life, “pro-family” stances — they’ve got it all.
I’ve read and listened with interest, wondering how each made the transition from wild teenager to Christian. When did it happen? Why? Was it a response to the reminder that death inches incrementally closer every time we open our eyes to a fresh new day? Is this what most people do as they age?
And how did it happen that I went in the opposite direction: from extreme devotion as a teenager to (almost) telling my parents to take their recently proffered gifts of a study Bible and a copy of The Purpose Driven Life
I’m very thankful that my parents are both never too religious, and have never tried to force me to go one way or another.
And I am not very religious either. I just believe in happiness…although it’s proving to be a very hard place to get to.
*smirk*
They had daughters.
I was a pagan from my pre-teen years onward, but I saw quite a few of some of my most vocal heathen friends suddenly become churchgoers with a dizzying rapidity later in life.
I’m not sure what the whole religion thing is about. I guess there’s some charm to an entity that will supposedly forgive everything, when some people have problems even forgiving themselves.
Me, I prefer my religion clothing-optional, disorganized, and unabashed in it’s love of feasting and merriment ;)
HA! I knew “Christians” who went to church every Sunday and the youth group and then did the must un-Christian things. I’m not sure that the title of religion means anything, though as a teen I thought that I had to find a way to belong to a religion that just didn’t fit me. I have no idea why that need was so strong because my mom never forced religion on us.
I think that as people grow older they either find out who they are or how to belong. To me there is no other reason for being so religious then control. In religion you have answers and you can place yourself above others because you are pious and they are not.
But then again a priest did tell me I was damned because I asked too many question and would not take my place as a woman. So I might not be a reliable source :D
It just works for some of us.
@ mer — not all of us who are “religious” place ourselves above others — that’s the whole point of honest humility. =)
LOL @ Lollypox
Methinks Lollypox got it in one. ;)
Heh Lollypox! Yup.
Why do people turn to alcohol, drugs, disconnected sexuality?
That is why people turn to religion.
A lot of alcoholics, drug abusers et. al. are casting about seeking direction. Why do you think AA requires religion to supplant the addiction?
Also for youth, drinking, drugs and sex all come with a sense of community. See another parallel?
How did you go the other way? You don’t have the same needs, you realize your needs won’t be satisfied by that construct. In fact, that environment is an impediment to your health.
It is ironic how our perspective changes as we grow through life. At 40 I walked away from a cult-like existence after 20+ years. About the same time a former college buddy who was a remarkable actor and infamous drunk, found Jesus and is now a minister. Karmic balance of the universe I guess. As for religion, I tend to agree with Pascal, “Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.”
@Gerry, Pascal had it right, and so did Mer at the beginning.
But I do wonder: if it is detest for themselves that fuels the gravitation toward something that might or might not exist, is this much different than the quest for gratification through other means – sexually, relationally, alcoholically?
I think people gravitate toward what makes them feel good about themselves, some throw themselves into drugs/crime, some into work, some into religion. I know several people who have drifted into religion (or at least the public manifestation of it) because they were socially pressured to (by spouse/family/work)
I know lots of people who were brought up with religion but I don’t personally know anyone who as an adult decided in a logical fashion that a specific religious worldview was the right one and abandoned other viewpoints.
An interesting viewpoint comes from another blog where Christian experts throw down the “one big question” that will convince non-believers, and the responses.
http://gretachristina.typepad.com/greta_christinas_weblog/2009/01/the-big-guns-greta-answers-the-theologians.html
Sean I think the quote “For those who believe, no proof is necessary, for those who do not, no proof is possible” sort of sums up some of the opinions of religion I’ve seen here.
It is as big a mistake to dismiss religion as the cause of all the worlds ills as it is to dismiss the huge positive influence it has had.
I would also like to comment that Christianity is not necessarily incompatible with a very wonderful sex life.
It should have read:
It is as big a mistake to dismiss religion as if it were the cause of all the worlds ills as it is to dismiss the huge positive influence it has had.
I’m certainly not suggesting that. :) –aag
It’s simple, you got smarter while they got dumber
I’m friends with a couple of whom the girl is the daughter of christian missionaries, and the guy grew up tutored somewhat in religious teachings, but had rejected them, as had his family.
When these two got together, and love ensued, the girl put her foot down and told the guy that to be together, he had to convert to christianity. She took him under her wing (and probably her parents’) and instructed him on why God was the Light, yada yada. He converted, they married, and he went the whole hog – church each week, bible study groups, praying, even setting aside time at lunch each day at work to pray with other like-minded colleagues.
I view his conversion as a bit of a wtf? But ultimately I understand what happened. He fell in love with the girl. From a neurological viewpoint, love modifies your brain chemistry to find everything about your partner interesting and wonderful, and provides huge doses of euphoria when you share things together, thus strongly linking whatever it is you do together with a good feeling, even after that love-drug effect wears off.
He swears that “it just makes sense”. From I psychological viewpoint, his reasoning is based upon needing an answer for his behaviour, rather than the other way around.
Both they and myself (and my partner) have silently understood to rarely discuss anything religious, as it cannot lead to anything constructive.
I was at a high school class reunion and one of my high school buddies found religion. I was all set to relive our glory days, or at least tell the stories again.
Such a letdown. Plus, he wouldn’t shut up about how his particular sect differs from the other ones that “got it wrong.”
There is a huge difference, I believe, in finding religion and finding God.
Too many people seem to find religion, but not God at all. They use God, and tiny snippets of the Bible out of context to excuse the most heinous of behaviors. Some of the most outwardly godly people I’ve ever met have also been the most godless.
Christianity is really simple. Be nice to others and don’t be a jackass. Why is that so hard?
As for those boys who found religion, you have to consider the power and status they are given through said religion. They are to be submitted to, listened to. They are MEN and they are told they are in control and they have it. Not too shabby a deal for them if you ask me. Sucks for women though. It’s easy to sit and dictate to someone what choices they should make when you don’t have to live with the consequences.
As for finding God, well in my opinion he’s a pretty wonderful creator and he loves you unconditionally and well… My relationship and your relationship or anyone’s relationship or lack thereof, with God is not anyone else’s business. It’s personal.
A great post and well thought comments
The only honest stance one can take and be true to oneself is that of agnosticism.
“To thine own self be true.” (Polonius, Hamlet.)
It was no surprise to me to find that the minister’s son is now a minister, but like you, finding the guys who wanted to fuck me the most in hs are now ministers is a bit interesting to me. I don’t begrudge them their faith or their religion, but I have to wonder if they’ve moved in this particular direction because they feel ashamed of who they were as young men.
And I wonder what they’d think of me now, if they only knew! You’re brave to let your old friends read your sex blog. I doubt I’ll ever completely come out.
In their attempts to beat some sort of self-respect and morals into us as children, a number of parents instead succeed in little more than cramming religion and a “be good or go directly to hell” ideology down our throats. Naturally, at our earliest convenience, we drop the heap of crap we were fed and look elsewhere – often in the opposite direction.
A number of people change their attitude on faith when they start having children of their own – especially daughters. They’d prefer they not all fall for the same cunning phrases and well-placed compliments that landed their former trysts in bed. They hope they strive for more.
I rarely think that fear of death drives people to any sort of faith, since it afflicts us all, and no amount of praying or almsgiving is going to relinquish us from its approach. We each make our peace in our own way. Mostly by ignoring it.
What attracts people to faith may be considered a weakness by many, since it is often in desperation that people call on God (for safety or help of some sort). Such fox-hole promises and bargains rarely are remembered beyond the fox-hole, but many other pursuits are.
The fact is this: God does not want us to do some particular thing, say one thing or act a certain way. His aim and desire is simply that we pursue a relationship with Him. Everything else will fall into place of its own accord.
He encourages us to live our lives as we so choose. In fact, this is why we were given the right to freely choose which direction we wish to venture. His desire is that we simply invite Him along for our lives. That, indeed, is relationship, voluntary, and total freedom from the frequently-uttered list of things we can and cannot do. We do what we want, actually. I, just choose to invite God with me. He wants relationship, not stuff or blind obedience. We have little to offer, at any rate, besides a genuine interest in Him.
And we are all permitted to choose freely. Were we not, it would be servitude. Yet a servant can work diligently for the master without any fondness for him at all. I don’t do things for God. It’s waste of energy. He will do what He wants, often DESPITE my attempts to help. Instead, I just pursue a relationship with Him. Why? Because I find peace there, enduring hope, and the ability to make the best of a number of unpleasant circumstances.
It could be construed as a crutch, yes. I will grant that quickly. But it is a label I accept without qualms. He loves me. That’s it. And I want Him involved in my life.
Nor, by the way, is sex an evil, awful act that should never be mentioned at all. God created sex. And I rather like it. Even Victor Hugo wrote about how wonderful it is (in Les Miserables). To NOT discuss it is far more dysfunctional, because it promotes an air of mystique that sends people into a frenzy to get more of it – at all costs. The gain: gratification. The loss: intimacy. Sex is cool. God approves. Plain and simple.
http://www.byshaw.com