Did this stop my mother from offering my daughter a glass of milk or a grilled cheese sandwich? No. Did it stop the waitress at the restaurant from giving my child a cheeseburger though I specifically ordered NO cheese and made sure she knew that my child had allergies? No.

While both situations (among many many more examples) royally pissed me off (especialy the ones concerning my mother) I eventually realized that my mother is kind of flaky and since she doesn’t have to deal with the food allergies every day like I do, it can be easy to forget.

That doesn’t excuse your mother’s negligence though. I agree that it was most kind of you to offer cupcakes. I know there is a LOT more going on here than any of us will ever know, but I’m still hoping for the best for you.

I’ve been allergic to peanuts all my life (I’m 36 now), and when I was a child manufacturers didn’t clearly mark on the packets if products were made in a factory handling nuts. Good lord, I was playing Russian roulette! In fact I still do – if the label says something MAY contain nuts I take the risk, but if it DOES contain nuts I avoid it. I usually have the meds with me…

I think you did the right thing telling Grandma. Hell, I still feel left out now if I can’t have a slice of cake! My own Grandma didn’t believe in allergies, thought they were a modern invention!

My thoughts are that bad parents cant transform themselves into Splendid grandparents. The key is that you are building the family you crave by nurturing your own children to be better people – and personally by allowing a man in your life who experiences life with you and holds you solitarily when needed. These have become the important foundations for the family you crave. Your parents could never answer that call for you. You are the creator of your life and you can shape the family you want – be it your children, friends, lovers, and The Man.

Be happy Aag – you deserve it. :O)

-ana

People are infuriating sometimes, but especially so when you can’t rely on the people you should be able to rely on.

I spent my 20s in a blinding rage, trying to understand what had happened to me. With understanding, I was eventually able to leave most of the anger behind.

I spent my 30s trying to reconnect with my family emotionally. And every time I tried, the same dynamic played out, and I came away feeling hurt, and depressed.

Some time in my 40s, I decided that it was taking too much out of me to care, so I stopped caring. I still see my family; everyone is friendly and cordial. But I no longer play my role in the dynamic that I found so painful.

I didn’t tell them this. It was a decision that I made solely for myself. I didn’t think it concerned them.

But when I stopped playing my part in this dynamic, they reacted. Their reaction was subtle, but definite. And that reaction told me that the problem was real, that it was on their side, and that they were not going to change.

And they haven’t.

Also, speaking as a third party there is no reason I can think of for her to be upset here. Especially if she knew about the allergy. Each exposure can potentially increase the chances of having a life threatening reaction!

Better too that she brought a bakery cake rather than nothing at all I suppose.

Kudos also to your daughter for handling it in style! It’s tough to be allergic sometimes!

I think you made the right decision. Childrens safety, health and happiness comes WAY before parents happiness.

I have a friend with an asthmatic child. Her in-laws will faithfully administer meds to this child, but won’t stop smoking around her…and don’t understand why it’s such a big deal.

You know your priorities–hang tough!