Reading these sentences in an otherwise unremarkable profile raised my eyebrows right up to my hairline:
I have pretty average likes and dislikes. I am open-minded and will
try almost anything once. BUT! There are CERTAIN lines I WILL NEVER CROSS.
I sense quite a tale lurking behind this mysteriously compelling capitalization. What lines will this man not cross? Have they been crossed before? By whom?
Oh how the potential juiciness tantalizes me. There is something buried in this man’s psyche which has scarred him almost beyond redemption. The hurt screams out from the words; the angst and terror and unforgivable betrayal bleed through those capped letters.
I want to email him for the sole purpose finding out. I will tease forth the full tale no matter what it takes, no matter the tears or gnashing of teeth. Telling the story will redeem him, so that no longer will he need to capitalize what he fears.
Or maybe not. ‘Tis possible I’d rue the day I peeped into the dark cellar of his mind.
Perhaps instead I’ll let you speculate. Do you have a guess as to what has so horrified this man? What lines do you think he’ll NEVER CROSS? Do share below. Imagining the possiblities is making me quite seriously giddy.
yikes…I am the first to comment…breaking the proverbial comment cherry…you rock and your writing is great!!!
perhaps someone wanted to break a bone of his for their pleasure?
My guess is that what he specifically had in mind (if anything) was not having sex with another dude.
Not because he tried it or that there was anything traumatic in his past. But just because he’s the kind of guy who loves throwing in all caps and sounding important because he has immovable standards.
Yep. Not an exciting guess, but I’ll bet that’s what it is.
I think that he is falsely claiming an aversion to wearing high heels and corsets and lipstick!
……….. or maybe I am projecting????
Eating ham on the high holy days. :)
I too write such things in my profiles. Capitalized and all. The Capitalization is just to emphasis that I have my morales and sense of chivalry to guide me. I won’t do anything that will harm my sense of honour.
His could be similar to that. Or it could be that there are certain things he hates too do, whether from prior experience or just from stories of others experiences.
A bad experience at a sushi restaurant has left him with an aversion to tentacle sex.
So he wouldn’t be a good match for you, I’m afraid.
:-)
Oh noes!
Buttsex. Receiving buttsex, that is. And only buttsex with a dude.
You said he’s unremarkable, and that is generally and unremarkable guy’s attitude about buttsex. I still haven’t found one whom will let me peg him.
I’m with Snowbunny. I don’t think it’s all that complicated.
Yep… I’m thinking no homo-erotic tendencies…but definitely willing to try everything else!
I’m guessing it involves his ass…whether male or female frolicking there on. I’m guessing some woman, in the throes of deep throating him, pushed her slim finger up his ass just as his balls were aching to burst. I’m guessing he loved it so much that his aversion to all things homosexual kicked in because everyone knows that only gay men like things stuck in their ass, and he wants the world to know that HE IS NOT GAY! He especially wants any potential lovers to know that, so before anyone even gets close to you know where, he draws the line.
Sigh.
Poor, sad, repressed fuck.
How funny. I think it is buttsecks.
All that said I have to thank you, your site set up a dialouge between my husband and I about buttsecks and… He’s interested and I am but not quite sure so he went and bought one of your recommended toys and has taken your advice. He says, “If he’s not willing to try it then he shouldn’t expect me to.” Funny thing is he has found that he himself really likes it. Heheh thank you AAG.
You are most welcome! You can both scream out my name at the moment of climax by way of thanking me.
:)
Hey Snowbunny,
What part of the country do you live in???
;)
perhaps he just has typing turrets?
lool at the tentacle and the bone finger crushing :P
oh.. me too wants strangers to scream my name while climaxing… lucky you aag :P
i would say buttsex…gay stuff, maybe some extreme sub stuff as well :D
hope u do find out and share as well :D
Lol? I’m assuming you’re new around here. Some of us have a thing for tentacles and bones. :)
It was posted: “I still haven’t found one whom will let me peg him.”
I reply: Unfortunately Mrs Boodles would probably object if I volunteered to be the first. :-}
I say homophobic with repressed food/watersport tendencies – possibly with a dislike for vampiric sports.
Glad to see you’re more chipper!
I know that you intended this as a light-hearted post, aag, but I think that that the gentleman in question had something more serious in mind. The line he has drawn may be the legal age of a consenting adult, therefore excluding any activity involving children.
If so, he truly is a capital man.
I think it refers to that thing where you put a budgie in a bin bag and then stick it on your head.
Blink. Blink. Wha? :) –aag
Everyone has things that they WON’T DO, and the particulars of what he won’t do may not be that unusual or interesting.
What is somewhat unusual is that he felt compelled to say this of himself in ALL CAPS. Perhaps he doesn’t
- feel secure within
- have confidence in
- know how to set and enforce
his own boundaries.
Awesome post. The gentleman in question is a true poet.
I hope the line he WONT CROSS is a picket line, and he won’t eneter any ill paying house of ill repute.
But I suspect it may be the instance where he donned a flowered frock and old lady wig, only to be locked out of the room, gazing through the glass doors, as his significant other romped with two younger, manlier eager performers. SOME things are WRONG!
2 Girls, 1 Cup
No-brainer.
“Let me just say that if God was a city planner he would not put a playground next to a sewage system!” -Darald
You’re all wrong. It’s obvious that what he would never try is the most taboo of all… eating while having sex.
Isn’t it obvious? : O
I don’t think there’s a backstory to this.
I think he’s someone whose language skills still need further development, and he’s using the capitalization to do one or more of the following:
- let you know he can’t/won’t quite put into words his aversion to some things
- let you know that he will be a pain in the ass to deal with: not telling one what he won’t do until one has brought it up, and then blaming one for crossing a boundary
- has trouble clearly defining his boundaries to himself
- is one of these ignorant, insecure assholes like I see all over craigslist: unreasonable, demanding, or inflexible. Personals, classifieds, or job postings – they’re all there, and my god, do they love caps lock.
Isn’t there always a back story? :) –aag
Maybe he has a cleanliness fetish, and is therefore horrified by the possibility of getting dirty during sex!
Or maybe I’m projecting too – the thought of crumbs in bed leaves me horrified!
My first thought actually was that maybe he was trying to indicate that he would never cross the line into being disrespectful of boundaries/safewords of his partner.
Naive, optimistic, seeing the best in people? It’s true, I don’t check out the personals, only see the ones you post about, so maybe I am naive about it.
Another vote for buttsecks. He’s Monk.
I’m thinking it’s a more proverbial line, like the finish line in a race of creativity. Or pick-up lines perhaps, he’s just not a “hey baby baby baby” kind of guy from across the table, but next to you at the bar where you can whisper it low enough to be able to deny it… Maybe he’s just really careful with electric wiring. You might appreciate how home electronics could be dangerous, (or perhaps worse, boring) if you go messing with the connections. Certainly the capitalization had to be something worth shouting about…
No parrots. Absolutely no parrots.
No watching Spongebob while fucking.
And no sex after cheap beer, unless you’re drunk enough to get over the bloated feeling.
A man’s got to know his limitations ;-)