What I want seems dead simple.
I drop off the children and waltz directly to gate. I’m burdened by only a small carry-on bag — no childish books, or toys, or diapers. I check nothing. I speak to no one, or as few people as possible. Once seated, I don headphones, crack open a book and lose myself.
I refuse the bag of pretzels.
Once on the ground, I manage to find my way to the hotel room with no fuss at all and within the space of about a half-hour. I grab a bucket of ice. Unpack two pairs of shorts, two t-shirts, and various assorted undies. Plug in the laptop and ensure the connection holds. Change out of cold-weather clothes into warm-weather clothes. Then I step out to the balcony and take my first look at the ocean, because honestly, the ocean is the motivating factor behind this entire fantasy and the only part that isn’t available in my own chilly ocean-deprived state.
The particular ocean doesn’t matter, just so long as it is warm enough to sit near and walk along. Swimming? Out of the question. Not even necessary if it were June instead of December. It’s the rhythm, the sound, the smell, the feel of hot (or even warm) sand on my feet that brings me back to this wish again and again and again.
For three days or maybe four I would speak as little as possible. I’d say, “Take a potty break,” or “Sit down at the table,” or “Stop doing that to the cat!” not at all. I’d answer the phone for my children and my lover but no one else.
I’d eat when I chose but cook none of it. I’d wash not a single dish. Nor would I do laundry, make my own bed, scoop cat poop, vacuum up crumbs or change never-ending tiny clothes and rolls of toilet paper.
Instead I’d read and write and walk on the beach. I’d sleep. I’d sit and stare out at the water so that my mind could do its thing without interruption from anything but boats and the occasional other person enjoying the exact same thing as myself. It would be, in a word, heavenly.
I could make this happen. There are a few days over the holidays when the children will be with their father and I could possibly sneak from my state to another state more beach-like and balmy than my own. I could feel the sun on my arms. I could pick up seashells.
But I can’t. My savings account maintains too tight a lock on its contents. I should save that cash for…something. Something surely will pop up. Holiday travel frustrates me terribly. Connections, delays, taxis, trolleys all make me shudder. I’d feel so selfish going away without my children. My mother would be horrified at the thought of me going on vacation alone in another state. It is so far outside he experience, her desires, that she could not imagine the benefits and would only think how very strange a girl she bore who would even consider such a bizarre proposal.
But my mind keeps coming back to the ocean and three or maybe four days of quiet. For the past week I’ve thought of little but this, of the waves and sand and the peace and the time. Could it be as simple as just…doing it?
I recommend a fundraiser. I suspect if all your loyal fans each sent you $10 (I’m in), you’d have, at the least, plane fare. Maybe the whole kaboodle.
That being said, I pledge $10 to the AAG vacation fund.
Eve
You’re too sweet.
This week, I might do better to solicit donations from the “Thinks aag is a dumbfuck loser” club. There seem to be BILLIONS of them.
:)
Oh that sounds lovely. I’d pack you in my bag if I could…..
There has to be some strings you could pull. A temporary holiday position? (I guess this depends how desperate you are for a vacation:) )
How I hope this works out for you.
Do it. You don’t need to do it over the holidays, do it like a week after. It’s still early enough to get a cheap flight and hotel and what kind of father wouldn’t be thrilled for an extra week with his beloved children! Besides, you have a book to write and need peace and quiet. In florida.
That your Mother would be horrified is reason enough to just do it. Your beach retreat awaits!!
I didn’t know you were into self-flagellation. :)
You earned that money. You scrimped and saved and wiped snotty noses and weathered tantrums (adult *and* child) and wrestled your life into submission. What is the purpose of all that if the goal is not reward?
Your Mother would be horrified!!!!!!! Has that stopped you doing other things? I think not? Do it for you…….do it for your children, so you come back serene and ready again for motherhood. Simple…..it will be as simple as you are prepared for it to be…..it’s your call. Set your desire, create it over and over again in your mind……and know absolutely that it can be as you desire.
Firstly, I would just go. You can’t take it with you.
Secondly, I really hope you aren’t thinking that I’m in the “aag is a dumbfuck loser club” because I expressed disagreement over one issue in over two years of reading.
Oh good god no. Expressing disagreement is just fine. It’s perfect. I love it.
The members of the AIADLC do something slightly less constructive. :) –aag
Just do it. Oh God I sound like a Nike ad.
Sure the guilt kicks in when you’ve spent the money and you’re alone without the kids. But as Christmas presents to yourself go, this tops the lot. I prefer experiences in my arsenal than materials clogging the spare room :)
You would have to check your bag of books – they only let you take 7 kilos on board.
I”m in.
E
By the time my (now) wife and I reach our 1000 day ‘anniversary’ we’ll have spent one day in eight together outside the UK – I’ve never ever travelled so much – so I can well understand your fantasy :o)
I’m with Sunbunny – go for it!
Pack your regrets in a non-carry on, surely they will lose it.
I have ocean, and beach here, but it’s 23 degrees…sigh.
I’d be down for a 10 spot. The “Get AAG the Hell Out of Dodge” fundraiser.
I do something similar once a year, just me and my camera and a week of exploring the country aimlessly with no planned route or assumption I have to be someplace.
Last time I went, I stopped for breakfast and was looking at a map. An older couple asked where I was going and I said “nowhere”.
Their reaction was probably a bit like your Mom’s, but I found the answer quite exhilerating.
Phew :-)
Have a room of your own for a few days. I’ve done it and it’s great. You do get lonely here and there, but it’s still refreshing.
Oh, also: the delays and the trolleys and all of that stuff really aren’t nearly as frustrating when you aren’t dealing with a tiny family or disgruntled partner/friends. It’s just more time to sit and read.
Go. Do it. You need it. I’ll donate, it’ll be my good deed for Christmas.
Yes. It is that simple. I have done it and it was wonderful.
Put aside your extra change, skip something that you can live without for a while. Reserve all the money in your “tip jar” for it.
Selfishness is not a bad thing unless it’s taken to the extreme; it is, after all, what helps us to survive.
yes, its that simple…
just.do.it.
it will probably do you a world of good…
peace…
Go. I know I would if I were you. And I wouldn’t feel the slightest bit guilty.
It’s absolutely simple…. Like the old southern adage “If Mama aint happy, aint nobody happy”
Sometimes you have to go be alone and reconnect with yourself in order to be what you need to be to the people that need you.
xo~Sadie
Oh what a lovely vacation fantasy! I agree with everyone else – do it! You only live once. Think of how refreshed you would feel. You would be much more pleasant and fun to be around. So actually it’s like a gift to your loved ones.
Yes, do it, aag. Consider coming to the beaches of So Cal, which are mostly quiet now.
Yes, it really is that simple. Two of the best writing and rejuvenating vacations I ever had were brief, 3-4 day excursions that involved the beach, the ocean, a laptop, and little else. I strongly encourage you to do it. Truly.
Go. Bring some toys to review and take pictures of them at the beach.
Do it! Sounds like a good investment in yourself.
Go. Make sure you go someplace warm though. Even southern California is cold this time of year. Go someplace where you can swim in the ocean if you want.
Traveling alone is only strange until you can let go of what you have heard from others for your whole life. I have done quite a bit of travel for pleasure alone and it actually is a really cool experience. You don’t have to talk to anyone if you don’t want to, you absolutely do not need to coordinate with anyone for anything! After you have done it once, you will yearn to “fly solo” again and again.
Figure it out and GO!
I wouldn’t go, but I might just be projecting my own financial uncertainty onto you.
I’m also far south of you, and it’s rarely getting down below the 50s at night, so there’s your grain of salt.
All I can say is that I have never – for one minute – regretted doing just this (different dream but same idea). It was 3 years ago and it had a huge, positive and continuing impact on my life. Go for it!
Hi AAG,
You need to detune your ‘it’s a big deal’ gland.
There are so many great travel deals, why not?
XOXOXO
Im in for $10…. lets see how many actually send it to your paypal account…..
You guys don’t need to finance my lil vacay plans. Tho I do so appreciate the thought.
:)
I vote for Mexico
I feel like I wrote this, but it’s much too eloquent to have come from me. I miss the beach daily. It’s good for the soul to go back to it. You should just go and not tell your mother. ;)
Do it! Don’t think twice. Well, of course you will, but really! After everything that’s happened this year, you deserve a few days of peace and quiet next to warm sand and crashing waves. And I’d definitely contribute to a vacation fund. In fact, if I have a little extra in my own paypal account, I’ll be sending it your way.
My girlfriend and I are just headed back from such a trip (lost my job recently) took advantage of an unscheduled vacation…Broke so we stayed with a mutual friend down in Corpus Cristi… We got lotsa of alone time and spent a couple nights in a hotel when we wanted some privacy… Think you should go, there are cheep ways to go too…
Come on down to FL. We’ll get ridiculously drunk together!
i’ll donate a tenner
just one thing, change ON THE PLANE
nothing worse than warm clothes in a warm climate :)