30th Oct, 2008

Shopping

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My younger children will wear anything, including too-small clothes, hand-me-downs, outfits meant for the opposite gender, discarded Halloween costumes, underwear as outerwear and lettuce leaves leftover from dinner.  They are not, as it were, particular.

My oldest child is a whole ‘nother story.  Left to her own devices she dresses herself in the same clothes she’s been wearing for the past four years.  Literally.  Clothes that are threadbare at the hems and cuffs, which are out of season, and which are worn almost to the point of allowing her bid’ness to show through.

She still wears a “Big Sister” shirt she received on the occasion of the birth of her sibling–the sibling who now uses the potty, writes most of her letters and plans her own meals.  Granted her desired meals consist of ramen noodles, canned tuna and sweetened condensed milk, but the point is that she’s trying.  No, actually.  The point is that it’s been too damn long time since my firstborn became a big sister for her to continue to wear that shirt.  Don’t you think?

Upon occasion I will purchase for this child new outfits at the store.  I will bring them home, and like a sad slave place them at her feet.  Then I’ll back slowly away.

More often than not she’ll poke at the clothes with finger or toe, then outright reject the offerings.  “It’s too blue,” she’s said in the past.  “There are words on it,” another time.  Or “I don’t like designs on my butt,” though in that particular case I can’t say as I blame her.

And back to the store those clothes will go.  “Just tell me what you want,” I beg.  “Do you want something like this?” I gesture toward her current outfit, a size too small and worn through at the knee.

“Yes, like this is good,” she vaguely says, and yet when I return with an ensemble that could pass for its twin sister she turns up her wee nose, sighs dramatically and appears the next morning with knees and a thin moon of belly on display.

All of this is very good on my pocketbook, but now the child is down to but a trio of clothes she’ll deign to wear.  I do laundry every bleeding day, but even I cannot insure that she’ll have a clean outfit, especially given her propensity for leaving dirty things in a ball next to the tub.

In desperation I recently hauled her to the store in the hope that she’d pick for herself something acceptable.  She turned up her nose at the spaghetti-strapped frippery, the Hannah Montana themed jerseys and the sparkly spangled jeans.  To everything I pointed she shook her head.  Hard enough, in some cases, to concuss herself.  I wished.

“Do you want to look at the boys’ clothes?” I asked in desperation, thinking of the book open on my pillow.

The head-shaking escalated to the point I could hear the joints in her neck grinding, and that was when I lost my shit.  “Just.  Pick.  Something.  Now,” I hissed.  “Pick two new outfits this instant.”  She saw The Look of the Angry Mother, turned off the attitude and with breathtaking speed a pair of tops and their matching bottoms flew into our cart.  “Are you happy?” I asked, and remarkably, work done, the tension drained from her small body.

“I can’t wait to wear them, Mommy,” she said with a modicum of pleasure.

A modicum of pleasure from this girl is like fountains of glee from someone else, so I ventured a suggestion which twenty minutes earlier no doubt would have caused her to crumple into a screaming ball of mushed up personhood.  “Soon honey, you’ll need one of these.”  I guided our cart down the little girls’ bra aisle and watched her eyes widen at the itty-bitty colorful triangles.  “What do you think?”

“Not yet Mommy,” she almost whispered.

“No honey,” I answered gently.  “Not quite yet.”

Responses

Awwww. Thanks for sharing. I’ve been told little girls grow up way to fast…

That is too cute.
Unfortunately for my wallet, I am nothing like your baby girl. Maybe I need to take a cue or two from her before I go bankrupt from over-shopping…

Thankfully, it seems that the 6 year old will wear anything….at least when it comes to school, she has a uniform and very very few options. and at home? Who am I to complain if she wears the very same orange candy print leggings that I bought her years ago while she was visiting the ex and a t-shirt that neither fits or matches?

You are such an amazing mother.
Most mothers I know don’t care as much as you do. They just buy the clothes, and their kids are forced to accept them.

This was sweet.

Your girl reminds me of… Me. I was always trying to stop change and the passage of time. In fact I always wanted to go BACK and felt that any slight change in my appearance etc etc would be an like a surrender to a situation I wasn’t sure I liked.

The bra situation was bad for me. I was so upset. I did NOT want boobs. Grown people had boobs. When I started puberty and hair began to grow… I shaved it off. I didn’t see my real pubic hair until I finally gave in around 19 or 20, that I just couldn’t stop it all. By then I was a 34 C. Men talked more to my chest than me.

I hope your girl simply isn’t interested in clothes and isn’t living to stop change. Living in some odd wistful past is painful.

I couldn’t stand clothes shopping when I was little.
Actually, I still really don’t like it, but I have accepted the necessity of wearing clothes in public. Took me a while.

Try second-hand clothes stores, then you can make it a game and save some money.

Ahhh, the pleasures of rearing a small child. (Psst. That may not end until she is well into her teens and maybe not even then).

My daughter was the same. My wife fretted every day she went off to daycare in her frayed clothing or dressed as a trollop.

I finally convinced her to let it go because all the other kids were in the same condition. She finally agreed and everything turned out OK. She eventually decided new duds were needed on her own and we all lived happily ever-after.

Youo have my sympathies m’dear. You have my sympathies.

You rock as a mom. You should write a parenting book full of these stories.

Ah yes, the frustrations and the glories of our little ones. These kinds of things have been very hard for me to deal with, also. Thankfully, my wonderful wife has the life experience, wisdom and lots more patience than me, so everything is good - some of the time, of course.

Um… are you sure you are writing about my child? Sounds eerily familiar…

Some of her more threadbare garments could meet with a mysterious laundry accident. It might make her new outfits more appealing. My brother-in-law gets very attached to his socks and underwear; he’ll wear the most stretched-out, holey pairs over brand new ones. My sister has resorted to taking the old ones from his drawers and destroying them so he doesn’t fish them out of the rag bag or trash.

when my sister was little, about 5 i think, she had a green shirt that she got at the op shop (like a second hand store) and she wore it to death! she wouldnt wear anything else. one day my mum told her it dissolved in the washing machine and she had to get a new one! haha!
xx

Oh, you poor thing… this sounds exactly like my daughter. It only gets worse (sorry!)… picking out shoes and eye-glass frames is worse than a root canal. At least for a root canal, you know what you’re getting!! When I take my (now 17 yr old daughter) out shopping, I pull out the patience card and find a bench to nap on until she finds exactly what she wants (no pressure from mom). Around age 14, I’d give her $100 and drop her off at the mall or a thrift store to shop. She doesn’t like me there, and I don’t dare pick any clothes out for her, cuz (gasp!) god forbid I have no clue! She’s not a pricey kid (thrift store clothes are fine, and actually she prefers them), but she’s just so darn picky!! I pass the torch….

my ex is like that, every thing he wears is holy… far cuter in a child

.
the bra part makes me so wistful i can’t explain it

This child has an air of melancholy and anxiety about her.

You write with grace and eloquence. You come across, to me, as a remarkable Mama.

The book looks like it could be really interesting. Are you finding that it’s good?

Also, man, I remember hating clothes and bras when I was a kid. Luckily, I developed late and didn’t have to start wearing a bra until grade seven.

Yes, it’s quite fascinating. I am reviewing it for Jane’s Guide.

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