aag

Put your hair up? Not the most glamourous solution but it’s fast and easy and if you put it up high enough, it really cuts down on the sex nest.

Maybe a leave in conditioner before the fun?

You could always try cutting it shorter? Less hair to worry about means it not only dries faster, but can be styled more easily.

I suppose tying you up by your hair is right out…

It’s funny because the same thing happens to my partner, though sometimes my fingers curled into her hair are contributing factors. What about a very smooth pillowcase, which wouldn’t offer as much friction?

When I had super long hair, I would put it into two braids before sex. That worked out pretty well, even with grabbing and such. But if you don’t put it up, the only option I can thing of is shorter hair, or positions where one does not have one’s head in contact with the bed. Sex sling, perhaps?

A great short cut can leave enough hair for a nice handful but not enough to tangle itself into knots. You’re going to have to compromise somewhere.

I got one of these cuts about a year ago; I love it. And it’s low maintenence: wash, condition, towel dry, add a little product, muss with fingers, go. I might add, I’m 44. If anything, the shorter hair makes me look younger. Most people think I’m 36.

I’m with V on this one, either leave in conditioner, or a shine serum (Garnier Fructis sleek and shine has both). Or just leave it messy, who doesn’t love bed hair (if you don’t have to go out in public)?

If you can braid do a couple of chunky pigtails before hand. They make good handles.

And put a little leave in conditioner or regular conditioner in before hand and your hair won’t get too tangled.

When you’re laying down, don’t lay on top of your hair; lift it up and sort of drape it behind you…that may help a little.

I own waist-length tresses myself, and I feel you on the tangled bit. I swear by twisting even post-sex hair up into a bun and securing it with a clip - the kind with the fingers that interlock, that way you can get the bottom “teeth” into the bun and the top “teeth” into the hair on the back of the head. Do what ya gotta, then head back to fix it when you’re finished. Keeps the top smooth and everything looks neat until you can get to it.

My advise?

ROCK THAT SEX HAIR. :)

Honestly, unless you are thrashing about in the back of a car on the way to drop the little people at school, it shouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Bacon on the agenda? Get yourself a stylish scarf or two and tie it around your head like a headband and mask it until you have time to fuss with it.

As for the day to day sheen, it sounds like you need a good silicone based leave in treatment you can apply post shower. I would not recommend frizz ease for this, but the Keratse line of products. Make sure you purchase the ones that are curl specific, it will activate your natural bounce.

I know that the price is high on some products, shop around! Search for sales at your local salons, but note that one bottle of this product has last me almost six months now and has saved my frizz problems. I have posted a link, it may stretch your board so feel free to grab it and remove it from my comment. :)

http://www.paullabrecque.com/Krastase-Oleo-Curl—for-curly-hair-C69.aspx?UserID=1413382&SessionID=vfiDPaxZHWpFfLhrJ8Pl

Ask any woman with curly/frizzy hair and she will tell you that silk pillowcases and sheets exist for a reason. Because when you move your head around on them, your hair doesn’t get as tangled.

And those are just basic precautions taken for sleeping. I imagine the principle works for more, ahem, vigorous activities?

I don’t HAVE curly hair, but my girlfriend and I have a silk pillowcase for some strange reason. The ONE time it managed to be on a pillow AND I kept my head on or near it during sex, my hair didn’t look as if it needed surgery afterwards. While I don’t recommend keeping silk on the bed all the time (you have children and silk is ungodly hot to sleep upon), it might do the trick for sex.

I assume dreadlocks are out of the question.

this Looks stifling.

Braiding meybe?

I’m a big fan of Ojon restorative treatment. I comb it through my hair and sleep with it in once or twice a week. It made my unmanageable nest silky soft again.

I would agree with the suggestions for braiding. If you’re willing to go shorter, sometimes depending on the cut, there’s still enough hair to grab–I got the back of my hair cut shorter and left the front longer earlier this summer, and M found that all he had to do was grab closer to my scalp, and he had plenty to tug on.

Other than that, I don’t have any suggestions–my hair nests up like that in the back just from sleeping sometimes, and I just rock it (and the rest of my messy hair) like it was on purpose. =p

My 26 year old, not really that curly hair has always formed that particular nest in the center of my head. I usually just fluff it with my fingers and ignore it until it can be brushed. If I really have to make myself more presentable, I’ll pull enough strands out of it to cover it, sort of turning it into an I-meant-to-do-that added pouf of volume. I have had some luck with a satin pillowcase (8 bucks at Target!), but it’s the devil to keep on the pillow.

Sharon is right to suggest the silk satin pillowcase. I know a politician’s wife who packed one as her most essential item of travel luggage.

Also try (and I hope you can get it in the US, otherwise look online) the Aussie range of shampoos and conditioners, especially the Aussie 3 Minute Wonder conditioner. (I think you’ll find the waxes and oils in natural products to be better than the silicone products, in the long run.)

I’ve been living with the hair you describe my whole life. Sleeping, a windy day, and far less thrashing all result in a rat’s nest. Satin only helps my coarse curls so much, and it makes me more prone to breakouts, for some reason.

http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/messybun.jpg

That is similar to my solution hairstyle until I can spare the time and tears it take to untangle my hair with a comb and some conditioner. Scrunch some mousse in (I use one from the Frizz Ease line of products) pull it into a low bun and add some sort of hairband/scarf/bandeau.

Hope you find something that works for you!

Hmm, silk pillowcases sound like a good bet.

Also, you could put your hair up loosely, sort of twist it round. That way it’s tied up enough not to get messy, but loose enough to be grabbed as much as required!

And I would recommend the Aussie shampoos and conditioners, which I see someone else has also mentioned. The 3 minute miracle is, in fact, a miracle.

My wife and I’s quick beauty tip for those cases: hoods. ;)

I’ll second (third?) the silk sheets idea, thereby lowering the friction between sheets and you and creating less of a mess?

Fool around on your stomach? ;-)

A hairnet, perhaps ;) Hee Hee

I had this same problem but never realized it was age related. When you do find a solution that works can you share it with me. Thanks.

Have you tried coloring your hair? Nothing different from your original, something with conditioners in the coloring like Garnier or Natural something. Coloring can give dull hair a lot of shine. One or two brands also offer a “clear coat” sort of application, you do it like you would coloring but its just a gloss coat, lasts for a few weeks.

A leave-in conditioner would do better than a shine serum. But consider going the route of the “salon” brands. I found that, for example, the Philip Pelusi shine spray was leagues above the stuff I was getting in the drugstore.

Are you all not aware of Sex Goggles? Very similar to beer goggles but they appear after sex, especially if thrashing is involved.
All men have a pair that instantly begin working after sex. Every woman is a sight to behold when seen through these goggles.
Of course one should be warned of the dangers of using beer goggles and then sex goggles. The results the next morning are not pretty.

I don’t know how well this would work with the degree to which you thrash, but you could try pigtails. Something to grab, and they’re naughty.

Eat more fish. The oils and proteins from eating them will be useful for collagen production, thereby replenishing the ones that are breaking down in ageing (not meant as a negative) hair. I know because I am a biologist.

Dear aag: Take a deep breath and review the situation. Your pal is pro-you, no matter the state of your hair. This is lovely, and proof that romance, chivalry, and (dare we say?) commonsense aren’t entirely dead.

What are a few looks askance from others in comparison?

I realize that as a guy, and an aging one at, that (looking at 60, not 40) I am unable to appreciate the icky horror of bad hair days. The overwhelming response from the gals underlines yet again how differently the sexes see the world and themselves. But … your pal isn’t among the askancers. Isn’t that cause for rejoicing?

So, again, chill out. And you can always try a light spritz of WD-40. Seems to loosen up most tangles and stuck-together things out there in guy-land.

WD-40, eh? I have that! And white grease. :) –aag

well you could always tell the other patrons that it is after-sex hair and see what they say about it…maybe its not that big of a deal… :)

if not, then leave-in conditioners - braids - throwing it into a bun after the deed - etc should work until you can get into the shower…my hair always does the nest thing, but its shoulder length and thinning (ack!), so it doesnt take much to get it back in order…

peace…

Maybe this is the reason why women cut their hair shorter as they get older. ;)

I have massively curly hair too… I usually end up with it in a long braid down my back so he can pull it during sex, or I spray it with the leave in detangler spray that they make for kids hair… I can use a wide tooth comb or loosely spaced brush fast enough to make it look presentable with a spray bottle of water and detangling spray… You can also try he sunsilk curling cream, it’ll provide a light hold to your curls, but it’s not sticky or heavy feeling, it smells almost minty, and holds the curls shape even with thrashing involved! Good Luck!

OJON! That’s the brand name of a hair line they sell at Sephora that has made my hair into something other-worldly in softness. It’s expensive, but oh, so worth it. I suffer from the giant sex-induced dreadlock, too. What you want is the Restorative Hair Treatment, which smells divine, and some of their shampoo and conditioner.

Here’s a link to the brand at Sephora:

http://www.sephora.com/browse/brand_hierarchy.jhtml?brandId=Ojon

From my once upon a time hairdresser: make sure none of your hair products have alcohol in them (look for things ending in ol). It dries out the hair!
You can also wash it less often, which allows the hair to keep some of its natural oils.

I also second the: eat more fish and avocados and flax. Those healthy oils help hair!

Sex hat.

A hairnet might be a multi-faceted solution. It could help keep your bed head under control (you thrash during sex? whoda thunkit?), plus it could help your man enact some latent school lunch lady fantasy. It could also continue into the bacon prep.

Just a thought… :-)

It’s a damned conspriacy. Turning 40 gives you incredible wisdom, depth of soul, self confidence, and sexy rats nest bedhead. It’s the creators way of making sure we don’t get too big for our britches.

Funny though, since I read your post I keep running my fingers through my hair… do I need conditioner? A satin pillow case? ugh…

(I turned 40 in May - I’m right there with you)

Sit on his face. Then you can thrash all you want.

Of course, you’ve already gotten some really good ideas here. Leave in conditioners, etc… Remarkably, the detangling spray that I use on my daughter’s rat’s nest works quite well on my own sex hair.

Loss of shine and all that can be related to diet. And since I know you’ve got loads of time on your hands, you could always try a warm oil treatment by warming a quarter cup of olive oil, slathering it on your hair, and letting it soak it for about an hour before rinsing it out with hot water and shampooing as normal.

Once a week.

You could maybe fit it in between your mani/pedi “me” time, and your deep tissue massage “me” time. :)

I have told you a billion times.

Stop. Using. Shampoo.

I too possess the same hair as you, dear friend. In fact, it is a similar length at this point as well. However, my curls are lovely, even after thrashing and do not require massive assistance to comb through after head thrashing.

Seriously, my hair and scalp are CLEAN. I only use conditioner. The RIGHT conditioner (and it is a grocery store brand, not an expensive thing) will do wonders for it. It’ll take about a week, but your curls will thank you for it.

And your lovely man will enjoy wrapping his fist in it even more!

Or maybe it’s not your hair but your head that needs adjusting. this society has inbred in all of us that to grow old is bad. That’s a sure road to going mental. we are all on the same path, the trick is to do it with dignity. let go of the pompous disposable and plastic mentality and maybe your hair would resolve itself. if you don’t believe me, then think about ten years from now when your on the cusp to 50 and you will saying on this same tired blog how easy it all was when you were 40. oops just it just rained on your parade. (^_^) sorry princess wake up and smell the fertilizer.

And yet you still take the time to visit this “tired blog.” And you gift us with your comments! How very very kind of you! –aag

Oh come now sweetie,

the answer’s simple….

get off your back….

sit on his face….

and celebrate your ravishing 40 year old fabulousness.

Toymaker just suggested that famous hollywood hair treatment….

think back to the movie ‘There’s something about Mary’ and the special hair gel that Mary uses on their first date…..

Keep one pillow for sex with a satin cover to keep hair from the dreaded rat’s nest. If you shampoo your hair only do so every couple of days. To help get the shine back in the hair eat more fish and in the meantime spend $3 and buy some good old fashioned Mayo. Slather said hair in mayo, wrap with saran wrap, heat with hair dryer for 5 minutes, let sit on your head for as long as you can stand it, rinse. For added shine (and mess) ad a few eggs to mayo treatment. It’s a chemical reaction and cholesterol is good for something!

I’m not really sure.

How bout, you send me a picture of before, during, and after, and I’ll get back with a suggestion after a full investigation.

Just thinking.

I always feel so silly when I walk out of my bedroom in my bathrobe and sex hair and my (male) roommates are in the kitchen. But then I stop feeling silly and feel pleased with myself instead. If there’s one thing better than getting laid, it’s having everyone KNOW you just got laid. AND THEY DIDN’T. :-D

Wow.. you do have a great collection of suggestions.. I was just wondering if 2 scrunchies could do in a pinch- if you needed a quick
- put one of the scrunchies as you would for a typical ponytail… about the middle of the back of your head.
- put the other scrunchie towards the end, maybe 80% of the way to the end of your lovely tresses. Try different locations until you get a spot that will pretty much stay in place, and also minimize the remaining length of strands to get tangled.

This gives you something still utterly pullable, very quick and easy, and while at the same time minimizing your rat’s nest.

… Report Back!!… :-)

OK… totally relate to this as since I turned 35 my hair has gotten much more curly and… course. There were some great suggestions… not using shampoo as much is one (though I believe you already know that LOL)… but there is one product I will recommend, and yes, it is pricey, so the choice is up to you…

Ovation Hair Therapy…

It isn’t the cheapest, but it does really improve the hair quality ( and I’m not a chemist, so god knows how)…

Anyway… just throwing that out there…

(and what exactly IS it about those little wierd age spots? I’ve got two on my face and not liking it at all!!!)

satin pillowcases

replace your conditioner with apple-cider vinegar. i water mine down about 1/4 vinegar to hot water. pour in hair, let soak. when you rinse you’ll be able to feel the results immediately. its so fabulous. the best part is that it doesn’t stink!