23rd Oct, 2008

Too Much and Not Enough

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“I’m giving this,” my eldest proclaimed, waving a twenty under my nose.

My eyebrows went up.  “You sure about that?  Twenty dollars is a lot of money, baby.  The note said they wanted your class to donate changecoins, not paper money.”

“It’s fine!  I’ve got plenty of money!” she said airily, and in a flash I saw her whole life played out with remarkable similarity to her father’s.

Fear inspired me to direct the child to bring forth all her cash.  I fetched a pen and a couple  envelopes.  “Count it all,” I told her.  “Let’s see how much you’ve earned in allowances these past few months.”

In two minutes she’d produced neatly divided piles of cash and coins.  She named a sum that seemed excessive for a child of her age, and once again I rued the unwisely-generous nature of her father, who tosses her fives, tens and the occasional twenty without backing up the gifts with proper education and instruction.

“Ok baby, let’s make a budget for your money,” I said.  “Christmas is coming up soon.  Let’s make a list of who you are going to want to buy presents for.”  On one envelope she wrote their names and the amounts she intended to spend on each person, then she carefully placed the total into the envelope.

“I’ll be your bank,” I told her.  “I’ll keep your money for the few weeks, and I’ll even give you interest for it.”  She worried that I’d “use” her money, so we had a short discussion of how banks guarantee that their customers will get their money back, with a fee for having “used” it.

Next we prepared an envelope for deposit in her actual bank account, an account which I set up for her years ago and into which she’s made semi-regular contributions.  Then she counted up what was left.  “I want to keep some money too,” she fretted, “in case I find a Polly I want.”

“Sure, honey.  You need to keep some money just to spend.”

After some not inconsiderable angst, she divided up her remaining money between a envelope marked “Donation” and her own purse.  “Good job baby.  You just made a budget.”  She beamed, in her own characteristically low-key fashion.  And then I offered to show her how I keep track of my money.

I pulled up a couple of spreadsheets and my online banking screen.  “Is that ‘x’ dollars?” she asked, pointing to one particularly large payment.

I peered at the screen.  “No honey, it’s ‘x’ hundred dollars.  See, these are the things I need to pay every month.  Here’s the money I make every month.  And here,” I pointed to the online banking screen, “are the bank accounts we use to pay our bills.  See how I have several accounts?”

She nodded, still aghast that the cost of our house was one hundred times what she expected.  “This account is for our day-to-day stuff, like groceries.  This is for some big bills I know we’ll have in the next several months.  And this is for emergencies.”

“What kind of emergencies?” she wondered.

“Like if our roof had to be fixed,” I said, making a note to call the roofer before the leak in my bedroom grew worse.  “Or if we needed a new furnace.  Or if one of us got very sick.”

She nodded, and I continued.  “It’s just like your accounts.  You have some money to use now,” I pointed to her purse, “and some to use later,” I said, nodding toward her Christmas envelope.  “And in the bank you have some to use much later, or for emergencies.  And you have some to donate.”  She nodded.  “Doesn’t it feel good to have your money organized?”

“Yeah,” she said.  “I was going to give away too much.”

“More than you could afford to give away, yes,” I corrected gently, as she grabbed her purse and zipped off to play with her siblings.

And as has happened so many times when I’ve attempted to pass on some hard-earned wisdom to my child, I’m left feeling as though I’ve said way too much and not nearly enough all at once.

Responses

Re: the last sentence, I know what you mean. But I honestly do think that it’s a very good start to teaching her how to manage her money (even thought this lesson would probably have to be taught again many times…).
And I’m sure with your patience and care, she won’t end up like her father.

what wanda said

and remember… we don’t always hear you right away but we always hear you and find ourselves heeding (hee typed heading) your advice five or ten or thirty years later…

hee obama 08 feels so dirty to pay for wordz

it just looks a little funny and i’m enjoying it

can you come over and do this with me please?

That sounds about right to me - I wish someone had given me that lesson when I was a child.

Sonds like you’ve given her the antidote to her Dad’s problem in good time and with minimal fuss. Well done you! :o)

Heh. Kinda like the talks I’ve had with my own kids… Though I see you left out the “…and then we put our cash in this rusted metal lockbox, bury it under the chicken coop, hide the key in our britches, and set loose the hounds…”

What a wonderful lesson! Toad is going on 8 and we’ve been trying to figure out how to teach him this kind of responsibility. He’s into computers but I’m not sure how to do a spreadsheet like that.

I just wanted to say that your children are lucky to have you…what a wonderful lesson - I know several ADULTS in my life who could use it. :)

What an outstanding job you did! I’m going to save this lesson for possible future reference for my own children (doubtful at this point!) or for those of close friends. You continue to be amazing. And yes, I too know far too many adults who needed (and still need!) this lesson.

randi: ask him how to do it :)

What a great job! I wish I could have this lesson now…you know so I could pass it on to my kids…yeah..that’s it!

I’ve only in the last 5-10 years become anywhere near adept at managing my money.

I wish my mother had let me know the real cost of things like her mortgage, groceries, electric bill, etc. as well as an idea of what her income was when I was growing up. I honestly just had no clue. Nothing *real* to base my expectations of real life on.

On the other hand, somehow I was aware, in general terms, of how expensive my schooling (I went to parochial elementary school) and my healthcare (multiple health problems requiring a lot of hospital stays) were and ended up feeling horribly guilty that I was costing my mom so much money.

Again, probably because I had nothing concrete to compare anything to.

I don’t “blame” my mom for my adult financial woes, so I hope what I just said doesn’t come across that way. It’s just my long-winded way of saying that I think it’s wonderful and will be helpful for the rest of her life that you showed your daughter all of this stuff and how to budget her money now.

I wish someone had sat down and taught me that lesson when I was that age. You are amazing, and even though it doesn’t seem like she was getting it now, she will amaze you later.

Oh, btw, I’m Sanity, I’ve had you bookmarked for awhile now, and finally de-lurking to leave a comment.

Omg, you need to raise my kids! What an awesome little slice of life to read about, thank you so much for sharing.

I would have gotten up to (maybe) the tallying of allowances and my nieces would be in the next room playing guitar hero while I chatted at a dresser.

Will you be my mommy?

@badinfluence girl - definitely! He could probably figure it out before I could!

My parents didn’t sit me down and do this with me, but they were positive financial examples. However, considering that I’m $1000 in debt with my husband and living almost paycheck to paycheck, I’m kinda wishing they’d done this exact thing with me. And, btw, I totally make a spreadsheet for bills too. I’ve their due dates and even keep it color coded by categories.

I have to say you are a great example of what a parent should be. While I dont blame my parents for my not knowing how, or at least not being very good at, handling money, I could have learned on my own had I decided to. I guess they thought they were shielding me from something, but they never sat me down and showed me how to do a budget or manage money. I learned how to balance a checkbook at the bank after I moved 1500 miles away from home. I do ok now, but not before I had alot of problems.

I plan on teaching my son how to manage money as best as I can and I dont know the answer to a question, I will find out. He wont be in the same boat I was if I have anything to say about it.

Salutations. I have visited this site a few times, but have yet to post until today.
@Randi: You mentioned an interest in computer budgeting. I threw together a very basic monthly budget spreadsheet in Excel. It can be accessed via
http://www.mediafire.com/?hmmxpg3l4jo

For a full budget, I would probably include more categories, and a way to track month to month revenue and expenses, but this should suffice for giving an idea that planning is a virtue when it comes to finances.

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