Because the Entire Internet Will Hate Me If I Don’t

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I’m only doing this because they tell me that the entire internet will hate me otherwise, and we just can’t have that.  My tagger tells me, and I quote:  “When the [word redacted] of a viral questionnaire is smeared on the MySQL of a fellow blogger/bloggee, said recipient of said [word redacted]-smearing must in turn respond in accordance with its viral insistence.”

Sigh.  So here are the rulez:

• Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
• Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog – some random, some weird.
• Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.
• Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Seven facts eh?  You say you want seven facts?  I’ll give you seven facts:

1.  A collision between a coffee table of ill repute and my smallest toe resulted in the only broken bone I’ve ever had.  The incident gave me a renewed appreciation for the pinkie-toe’s outstanding job of keeping me upright.

2.  As a teenager, I used to masturbate by (barely) straddling the corner of my dresser.  I could watch myself in the mirror as I did it.  Can you imagine the porno headline?  “Barely Legal Hottie Frottage, $19.99/month recurring!”

3.  My most recent threesome, which happened just weeks ago, was with the same woman who was in my very first threesome some seventeen years ago.

4.  Most days I don’t brush my hair.  ::shrug::  I shrug because I’m not entirely certain that anyone could tell whether I do or don’t.

5.  I have in the past week made a “fake” account on a social networking site so as to check out the activities of someone I don’t very much like.

6.  I would lick Tabatha Coffey’s shoes.  Srsly.

7.  I look forward just a little too much for the weekends when my kids stay at their dad’s house.  I probably shouldn’t count down the days hours minutes quite as enthusiastically as I do.  It’s wrong, isn’t it?  Very very wrong?

There, Snarling Misanthrope, you have your list.  No need for [word redacted]-flinging here.

But I won’t tag anyone.  You can’t make me.  So there!