Each week I weave and dart through the far reaches of the blogosphere to collect pieces for Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup. On these excursions I’m exposed to all manner of writing, from the brilliantly sublime to the horrifying.
This is a post about the latter category.
Not long ago I ran across a site ostensibly written by a man in an open relationship. He and his wife have liaisons with others both together and separately. His topmost entry described an instance wherein they played in a group with several other men and women.
Apparently on that night (and on several preceding nights), the woman enjoyed the company of a few men who were blessed with more than the average amount of cock. The blogger wrote that these men were black.
Of course they were black. It’s an absolute given that if there’s a big cock in the room, it belongs to a dark-skinned man; and if there’s a dark-skinned man in the room, most assuredly he possesses a penis of gargantuan proportion. This is the natural order of things. There is never any deviation. “Black man” and “big cock” are so firmly intertwined in the collective unconscious that you could no more separate them than you could tease apart the nommable nature of peanut butter and jelly or the sartorial brilliance of the button down shirt/sweater-vest combo.
After his wife was finished with these large dark men, our blogger hero determined to have her all for himself. He dragged her away and instantly penetrated her “used” and “filled” pussy (no one was practicing safer sex, of course) only to find that she was horribly stretched out from the repeated pummelings of those huge penises. She was, as he said, as “loose” as if she’d delivered enormous babies every day for the past week. In fact she was too “loose” even to grip adequately his own average-sized dick, which ineffectually squelched about until he was forced to remove said spindly appendage and spooge it all over her face. Or some such nonsense.
At this point that I am forced to climb atop my virtual rooftop and call bullshit.
I have been the gleeful recipient of both large penises and fists in my own well-used lurve-hole, though I must admit that to date I’ve not drunk from the deeper waters of my dusky-skinned kin. Even so, I am just as “tight” as I was after years of marital deprivation. If not “tighter.” We fuck as much as is humanly possible with his penis, and yet smaller sex toys still feel the grip of my slippery muscled walls.
There have in fact been many instances when my partner plucked forth his fist from my vagina (it came out with a “pop”) and slid directly into me with his cock. In his own words, he’s found it to be “indescribably pleasurable,” and “almost as awesome as bacon.”
Why yes, I am just that good, but the point is that neither big cock nor fist have left me stretched out. Not over the longer term and definitely not over the shorter term.
Now I realize that this is only anecdotal evidence, and that one can find anecdotal evidence of just about anything; including Bigfoot, the sun rising at night, alien abductions, and hard-working bloggers receiving their paychecks on time from EdenFantasys. In other words, anecdotal evidence is not worth much.
Nevertheless, I have to wonder if the man who wrote about his wife’s stretched-out vagina was writing the truth or just a fantasy. I’ve got nothing against fantasy. Sometimes I think my entire life is nothing but a shockingly vivid fantasy.
But for the love of WordPress, if you’re going to write fantasy, make it somewhat realistic. Help me relate to it. Allow me willingly to suspend my disbelief by providing details that don’t cause my bullshit-sirens to start shrieking.
Otherwise, I’m inclined to believe that your throngs of partners, your wife’s well-endowed dark-skinned lovers, and her abhorrently flappy vagina are only figments of an overactive and ineffectual imagination.
Well, your evidence may be anecdotal, but it goes in line with logic that muscles that are used more frequently get stronger and more effective, not less so.
Otherwise bodybuilders would be very disappointed with their flaccid biceps, and let’s not even start with the penis–which would grow more limp with each passing erection.
“and let’s not even start with the penis–which would grow more limp with each passing erection.”
I’ve known a few penises like that…
Perhaps this blogger just has a smaller-than-average dick.
The 3 or four black lovers I’ve had have all been averagely endowed. Which is perfectly fine, but it flies in the face of that myth. Your mileage may vary :)
Oh my goodness.
Now if his wife had just delivered a 10lb infant 20 minutes prior, I could see this being true. But penis?? Grab a megaphone on your way up to that roof top.
It’s also quite possible that it was all in his head. He saw the rather hugely endowed men screwing his wife stupid, and although he enjoyed it, in his head it felt different.
The mind does play tricks on you.
Ah yes, the loose vagina syndrome. Now, certainly many a guy has complained of this after I have been with their girl, but . . . what . . . no, they haven’t? Oh.
Never mind.
I’d have to call bullshit on this one too. Like Beautiful Dreamer says, a 10 pound infant? Okay. But a cock? Even one as massively enormous as mine? Gimme a break.
I suspect if any of this story is true, her “looseness” had more to do with lubrication than with actual tightness.
or the fact that the hornier i get the more open the vagina gets? the more i fuck the more er… willing is the flesh?
but a penis NEVER swims, come on now.
[okay there was that one, but my THUMB is wider than it was]
I had to laugh about the inevitable Big Black Cock. I sometimes have naughty chats with a black man who kept using the abbreviation “BBC”. I was clueless until he spelled it out for me I guess it’s so ingrained, it’s got it’s own text shortcut.
Yeah, I’m with AAG on this one and my evidence is only anecdotal as well, since I’ve only had one woman that has been into fisting.
I’m not the biggest, but I had no problems touching the sides when it came to intercourse afterwards.
Though I did have a bit of a struggle getting my hand back. lol
this is seriously one of the funniest things ive read in a long time. did you call him out on it?
No, of course not! :) –aag
The phrase “abhorrently flappy vagina” just made my entire day. Also, the mental image made me giggle loudly enough to wake both my cat and my dog, who just glared at me.
Certainly an amusing way to start the day!
“her abhorrently flappy vagina”
Ok, that made coffee come out of my nose!
The misunderstanding that a vagina can become excessively flappy is one of the most common remarks I get in response to discussions about fisting. The vagina is fantastically elastic, and it’s unlikely that you’d become ‘loose’ unless you were fisted several times a day, daily, for months on end. Even then, the change in tightness would be hardly noticeable.
I don’t mind a good fantasy, as long as it’s well written.
Most likely he’s getting off on degrading her, whether for sluttiness in general or for sleeping with blacks in particular.
On the other hand, I can easily imagine that after three men thorougly shagged her, her PC muscle is tired and she might not be squeezing him quite like he’s used to, and he exaggerated to show how thorougly she’d been fucked.
Over lubrication could also contribute to it, but its definitely 99.9% bullshit, and probably 201% insecurity.
Flappy? Underarm wings flap. Vaginas? I think not.
This made me wonder about something AAG – maybe you can help. When we use a large dildo, I do get a bit more loose (I tend to run tight), which is much more comfortable for me. When I have an orgasm, it’s like I tighten up tighter than I’ve ever been and sex can actually be uncomfortable – anyone else have this or am I just abnormal? (okay, I KNOW I’m abnormal, but in THIS instance…)
Sigh. I think he’s a little too into degrading her. Calling her vagina loose was probably a way of saying she’s a slut, and I have a feeling he likes imagining her pussy is too loose for his penis. But that’s just it, he’s IMAGINING it.
I had a relationship in college with a guy with a comically large penis (both length and girth) that did not leave me “flappy.” For the sake of full disclosure, he was black, and his was the biggest of the penises I’ve ever seen/fucked–even though I’ve only seen about 20-something penises in my 25 years.
I also spit breakfast beverages all over my monitor at the mention of “abhorrently flappy vagina”, which would make, in the words of Dave Barry, an awesome band name.
I’d definitely call bullshit too. “Hotdog down a hallway” is a joke for a reason. Cause, you know – delivering a baby and getting our girlybits back in working order fairly promptly? Check! Lots of fun sex? Oh noes-va-jay-jay destruction!
I have a different take, not so much BS nor enjoying degrading his wife necessarily, but perhaps enjoying his OWN humiliation?
What would he gain by denigrating her, who might not even know of his statements, or wouldn’t care if that’s his usual behavior? Nothing.
But the thrill of his own reaction to expressing such…
Meanwhile he focuses his writing on her lovers and her condition, using parables for “well-used”, applying the “more pleasure” social stereotype than from his own equipment. (Never mind a simple angle change can make the loosest vagina uncomfortably tight…)
Did most of his other posts highlight his enjoyment of other partners? Or were they more about reflecting his situation in light of hers?
You knew I’d not be able to keep my loose, floppy lips shut about this right? Click-a my name-a and see-a.
PS As I told you, the link in question reads like fiction. And it does not arouse me either.
Yeah, that’s a fantasy that definitely fails at realism.
I don’t really think we need to create any more paranoia about flappy vagina syndrome–hell, I know it doesn’t exist, and I still worried the first few times I tried a huge dildo.
In closing, vaginas are awesome. Yay for vaginas.
GooooOOOOoooo ‘gina!
Vaginas aside, “for the love of WordPress” is something I might steal…er, use…the next time I blog.
You are more than welcome to it!